To not display a photograph of my rapist in my home

(117 Posts)
FreedomAnniversary Sat 27-Nov-21 22:24:16

I have been told off in court by a NYAS barrister because I do not have a picture of my ex husband in my home. This is a person who has raped me, hit my while I was holding my newborn and also put his hand on my throat and threatened me.

NYAS have accused me of not encouraging the relationship with their father on purely that basis.

Am I being unreasonable to not have a picture of my abuser in my home?

OP’s posts: |
ThirdElephant Sat 27-Nov-21 22:26:01

What did you say? Can you challenge them.with something along the lines of, 'So to be clear, you expect me to put a photograph of my rapist on the wall?'

iheartredsquirrels Sat 27-Nov-21 22:26:01

That idea can jog on, what planet do these judges and court officials live on ?

HikingforScenery Sat 27-Nov-21 22:26:11

I’m so sorry

TyphooMary Sat 27-Nov-21 22:26:13

How dare they. That's a disgusting thing to expect you to. I'm so sorry.

bloodywhitecat Sat 27-Nov-21 22:27:03

That judge simply has no idea. YANBU.

Chickydoo Sat 27-Nov-21 22:27:34

That's just awful, I'm so sorry.


HollowTalk Sat 27-Nov-21 22:28:28

Is there any way that you can go to the police about the rape? It's absolutely disgusting that they are treating you like this.

HollowTalk Sat 27-Nov-21 22:28:47

And how do they even know which photos you have in your home? What the hell has it got to do with anyone?

GrandTheftWalrus Sat 27-Nov-21 22:29:40

Who the fuck voted yabu?

FreedomAnniversary Sat 27-Nov-21 22:30:25

There is a criminal investigation ongoing, so yes I have reported him. He is being investigated for every category of domestic abuse against me.

OP’s posts: |
FreedomAnniversary Sat 27-Nov-21 22:31:04


And how do they even know which photos you have in your home? What the hell has it got to do with anyone?

Because I was asked in court and my barrister confirmed my children asked me to take it down.

OP’s posts: |
TurnUpTurnip Sat 27-Nov-21 22:32:01

What? I don’t know anyone who has pictures of their exes on display on their house (even ones that aren’t abusive)

EllaVaNight Sat 27-Nov-21 22:32:28

Who the fuck are the (currently) 7% who think YABU?!

YANBU at all. I completely understand (son's father raped me uncountable times). I see myself as being incredibly fortunate that he ran away as soon as he learned I was pregnant. Because it meant no more contact with police (after I reported the rape I was told to look at rape statistics and that it was my word against his). And before anyone thinks this was 50 years ago, my son is 6.

Merryoldgoat Sat 27-Nov-21 22:32:30

What the fuck? Why are they involved in your life? What had your solicitor/barrister said?

Disfordarkchocolate Sat 27-Nov-21 22:33:14

I only have one picture of my husband in the house and we're happily married. It's only there because someone got us wedding picture frame.

They are talking bull. The Court system finds new ways of abusing women all the time.

youvegottenminuteslynn Sat 27-Nov-21 22:33:38

"I don't feel it's appropriate or healthy for a picture of my rapist and abuser to be present in my children's home, which I ensure is a safe space."

Merryoldgoat Sat 27-Nov-21 22:33:50

So if they’re advocating for your children what the fuck are they playing at?

Babyvenusplant Sat 27-Nov-21 22:35:35

Only one appropriate word to describe that barrister

Carrotte Sat 27-Nov-21 22:35:52

What on earth?! Of course it's not unreasonable. You poor thing, as if you haven't been through enough without this nonsense.

FreedomAnniversary Sat 27-Nov-21 22:36:04


What the fuck? Why are they involved in your life? What had your solicitor/barrister said?

Because I stopped contact a year ago and my ex is dragging me through court dispute showing very little interest in them before this. I've been going through court for most of this year and had several months of an illegal order on me which prevented me and one of my children seeking mental health care.

OP’s posts: |
Fatherfintanstack Sat 27-Nov-21 22:38:44

Who on earth voted YABU?

You're obviously not at all, OP. I don't know why you'd want a picture of even an amicable ex in your house (except maybe to allow your child one in their room). In this circumstance, no, of course no human being would want to be seeing that every day. There's even a case ongoing FFS. I know you have a lot on your plate already but I'd raise a complaint about this insensitive request in light of the court case.

Cheeseandlobster Sat 27-Nov-21 22:39:17


Who the fuck voted yabu?

Exactly what I was thinking

BlackeyedSusan Sat 27-Nov-21 22:39:19

Fucking hell. About time some barristers pulled their head out their arse

Merryoldgoat Sat 27-Nov-21 22:39:38

I fucking detest the shit they put abused women and children through.

So sorry OP. It’s disgusting.

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