To keep DS home from school until a staff member rings me back?

[DietCokeChipsAndMayo]

DP & I have very different opinions on this situation and it’s something we don’t really have any experience with so I would appreciate some advice on who is in the right here

DS is 12 and he text me very upset on Thursday about what I would say is bullying, this has been going on for a while but escalated massively on Thursday lunchtime and I went and picked him up from school, I asked the head of year to call me at this time
I told DS he didn’t have to go in school on Friday until I’d spoke to someone
Friday morning I ring and say he’s not coming in and ask again for someone to call me to discuss the situation, nobody does, so just before the end of the day I rang again and no answer so I left a message saying we will not be sending DS back into school until someone has rang me back

DP thinks he should go in on Monday because “he can’t just miss school for no reason and nothing will be solved in one phonecall anyway”
I don’t think for a minute it will all be solved in one phonecall but I don’t want to send him in until staff are at least aware of the situation (DS has never let me ring a teacher or anything before and the boys picking on him have always passed it off as playfulness/banter and have been pretending to be his friends so far, he’s now accepted they are not his friends and is letting me get involved so staff so far know nothing)

So - WIBU to keep him at home until a memeber of staff is made aware of the situation? Or send him in and hope someone rings, not knowing what will happen with these boys in the meantime?

Yabu - send him in
Yanbu- keep him home

[coodawoodashooda]

Schools are busy places and it is wrong that no one has made contact but far better to phone again than put yourself on the back foot by making a point of the missing phone call.

[DietCokeChipsAndMayo]

@coodawoodashooda I’ve rang 3 times in 2 days

[trumpisagit]

I would email H of Y, and request a callback ASAP.
Best to have request for a callback in writing, and more likely to respond.

[greensnail]

I would email the school so you have a record of your attempts to contact them to discuss the issue.

[Heartofglass12345]

I would keep him at home.
I think bullying is always played down as messing around etc, but we know the psychological effects of bullying can last years and unfortunately has made children harm themselves or worse
Schools need to take it seriously, they clearly still aren't or it wouldn't be happening!

[NuffSaidSam]

I'd keep him home (assuming that what happened was actually quite serious and there isn't some mad drip feed coming).

I'd email his form tutor, head of year and the headteacher/office as well as calling. It's unacceptable that they haven't got back to you.

[DietCokeChipsAndMayo]

Ah you’re all right I should’ve emailed, I have so much going on atm my brain isn’t working properly, I will email today

[Minniem2020]

I had this situation with DD recently. I kept her at home. I tried numerous phone calls and emails and they got back to me 3 days later. One of the times I called,the receptionist stroppily told me we can't just get someone straight away. I explained yes but this is my X amount phone call in 3 days

[arethereanyleftatall]

It's difficult for us to say without knowing what went on.
Mine and my friends experience of our dc in year 7 & 8 is there is a lot of shit that goes on. Nastiness, 'banter', jostling for position to be the popular one, trampling on each other to get there. Is isn't right, but it's ubiquitous. For my dc it was worse in year 7 and got better in year 8.
So possibly you're right, and possibly your dh is.

[FrenchToasty]

The school have only had one working day in which to receive your message and act on it.

That feels like a long time to you but in reality the person who could deal with the issue may have been in a meeting all day or covering people due to covid absence etc. Schools are extremely busy places and one working day isn't a long time to wait for messages to filter through, especially as you have asked for a phonecall and not just emailed.

[HelplesslyHoping]

Email today, and go in with him on monday morning and ask to speak to his HOY, wait with him in the reception area until you're seen. He won't miss out on anything by missing 2 days of school

[OnceuponaRainbow18]

I’d keep him home on Monday and email Monday morning

[gingerbiscuits]

Email his Tutor, Head of Year/Key Stage & copy in Deputy Head/Head if you feel you need to.
Request an urgent call back to discuss what you consider to be a serious enough incident to keep your child away from school; tell them you are genuinely concerned for his safety/wellbeing.
If they don't contact you by the end of the day (give them till after the end of the actual school day - they do have to teach until then!) forward the email to the Governors.
Sounds extreme but I say this as both a Teacher & parent. No child should feel in an unsafe position whilst in the care of their school.

[ittakes2]

I would go to the school and ask to speak to someone

[itsallgoingpearshaped]

You have to document this thoroughly in writing.
Email detailing the unreturned phone calls as well as the behaviour at school that is causing your son to be scared to attend.

[BluebellsGreenbells]

I wouldn’t say that you’re keeping him off, you should say it’s school refusal and watch them jump into action.

[ThePants999]

@arethereanyleftatall

It's difficult for us to say without knowing what went on.
Mine and my friends experience of our dc in year 7 & 8 is there is a lot of shit that goes on. Nastiness, 'banter', jostling for position to be the popular one, trampling on each other to get there. Is isn't right, but it's ubiquitous. For my dc it was worse in year 7 and got better in year 8.
So possibly you're right, and possibly your dh is.

From my own experience, all that time ago, this is very true. One of my bullies in year 7 didn't actually have anything against me specifically but was trying to prove himself to certain others. We were friends by the following year, and many years later he was best man at my wedding 😁

[WayneKorr]

I think you'll get a quicker reaction if you keep him off . It will affect their attendance figures . sorry to sound cruel but its true
I hope you get it resolved quickly for your sons sake

[LolaSmiles]

Keeping a child off school indefinitely because school haven't called back within 1 working day seems a bit unreasonable to me.

I'm very supportive of parents saying they are keeping their children off when their children are not safe in school and school aren't dealing with a situation, but in this situation I can't see a justification for keeping him off other than potentially a misplaced belief that it might force school to respond quicker (which it won't).

Heads of year and staff are teaching, have duties, meetings, responsibilities in school, dealing with behaviour, responding to incidents and conducting investigations (which for some reason some parents don't realise takes time to speak to everyone involved, getting statements, checking CCTV), and usually 200-250 students in their year. I don't think it's unreasonable for there to be a couple of days wait on returning a call in a non-urgent situation (because if it was urgent then it would be passed to a senior member of staff to deal with asap).

Unless there's a drip feed coming, I don't think it's reasonable to keep him off.

[RealBecca]

Yanbu to keep him off but you must go in person and write it formally down or it will bite you

[AnotherMansCause]

If it's a matter of his safety, I would keep him off until they can prove they are at least addressing the issue. Email them & specifically refer to this (if this is the case).

[RedskyThisNight]

I agree that an email is the natural course of action. There might literally not have been a teacher available all day due to teaching/other commitments. And does your school close earlier on Friday?

If your DS feels able he might also like to email either his tutor or head of year or pastoral care. IME staff do respond very quickly to such emails from students themselves.

[Samedaysame]

I would keep him off on Monday. Email H o Y, copy in chair of Governors and also your LEA to explain his absence from school due to safeguarding issues with your son. Hopefully this will be resolved swiftly. I appreciate that teaching staff are busy but bullying needs to be dealt with as a matter of urgency. Hope you get it resolved soon

[Ilovesandwiches]

I see this as safeguarding your child and showing that actually it’s not okay for him to be treated like this and you want it to stop. I understand that this must be awful for you and your boy and I’m so sorry he’s going through this! Xxx

[Platax]

Email them, ask for an URGENT meeting to discuss how they are going to safeguard your son. Say that you expect the Head, the Head of Year and the form head to be there. Get copies of the school's bullying and discipline policies from their website, read them in advance and go in with questions about what they are doing to comply with those policies. One of you should take notes and produce your own minutes afterwards: if they promise action, note it down, note when they say they're going to do it, and circulate that with the minutes afterwards.

At the very least, your son needs to know that someone is keeping a very close eye on the bullies, arrangements have been made to keep them away from him as much as possible, and that there is someone he can always go to if he is bullied who will believe and support him.