SIL wedding gift comment

(101 Posts)
babyshark71 Thu 25-Nov-21 21:09:44

Visited my DB recently. He and his fiancée are having a destination wedding and it's going to cost us a small fortune to go. We were only going to get them a card, as we feel that us spending the money on flights, accommodation, and spending money is essentially our gift to them.

The conversation came up at dinner about going to their wedding, and my brother mentioned that they won't be asking people for gifts because of the fact that it will cost people so much to get there, his fiancée then chirped up and said "well I f*cking am!"

I was a little stunned and didn't say anything. Not sure how to bring up the topic with them about us not really being able to afford a gift, as I feel that we sort of have to get them a proper gift after her comment 😫

What does everyone think?

OP’s posts: |
Shoxfordian Thu 25-Nov-21 21:12:16

Sounds like she was trying to joke and it misfired. I think your presence isn’t really a present; it’s a choice and if you’re struggling to afford it and a gift then you probably shouldn’t go

Mymycherrypie Thu 25-Nov-21 21:13:17

Some people do feel like their wedding is just such a hot ticket that everyone will be dying to spend money on them.

Aria2015 Thu 25-Nov-21 21:15:00

Could you get them something thoughtful but relatively inexpensive? Like a personalised photo frame for their wedding photos? My brother got married away and it did cost us quite a bit to go but we did get them a personal gift as well. It didn't cost loads but it was thoughtful and something they can keep to remember the day.

ZenNudist Thu 25-Nov-21 21:16:26

Don't bring it up. Just don't buy them a gift.

Do you want to go? Consider not attending.

I got married abroad and didn't expect gifts. I've also been to a very expensive wedding abroad and again did not buy a gift but did spend thousands on a holiday I didn't want to go on.

She sounds very rude. I'd just keep your head down until its a done deal and if they complain fight fire with fire and say we spent x on your wedding don't be so ungrateful.

Other people pay to take family abroad.its a shame your dB is not so gracious.

Chloemol Thu 25-Nov-21 21:16:42

Your brother said they wouldn’t be expecting anything. I would go with that and leave him to sort his partner out

gogohm Thu 25-Nov-21 21:28:21

I think it was a joke. People don't expect gifts these days especially when they marry abroad.


tallduckandhandsome Thu 25-Nov-21 21:30:25

Just ignore her and don’t give a gift.

They would definitely be cheeky fuckers expecting abgift.

Do you even want to go?

RandomMess Thu 25-Nov-21 21:30:34

I would send them a message would you prefer our presence or presents as we need to know before we book/pay the balance to attend.

I would be Crystal clear it's one option or the other!

Santaischeckinglists Thu 25-Nov-21 21:30:47

His and hers socks.
In a mahoosive box...

PinkSyCo Thu 25-Nov-21 21:33:18

I’d like to think she was joking, and if she wasn’t I wouldn’t buy a gift on account of her being so grabby and rude.

Cocomarine Thu 25-Nov-21 21:34:25

That just sounds like a joke 🤷🏻‍♀️

DrinkFeckArseBrick Thu 25-Nov-21 21:34:29

I got married abroad and didnt expect or receive any gifts. You're already spending loads on their wedding. As an aside if its costing you more than you're comfortable with I wouldnt be worried about staying somewhere nearby but cheaper or avoiding any group activities, flying in earlier or later to get cheaper flights etc

PurpleDaisies Thu 25-Nov-21 21:34:50

That sounds like a joke to me.

LethargicActress Thu 25-Nov-21 21:35:03

Cheeky fucker she is.

You are your brothers guest, and he clearly has some sense on the present front. Don’t get them anything, attending a destination wedding is more than gift enough.

Totalwasteofpaper Thu 25-Nov-21 21:44:04

Take your DB at his word and ignore SIL

If you like her, maybe a picture frame with nice photo of the 4 of you

babyshark71 Thu 25-Nov-21 21:49:19

Thanks everyone! To everyone saying that it sounded like a joke, I'm 99% sure it wasn't. I can't explain it over text, but the tone of how it was said told me that she was serious, hence the OP.

OP’s posts: |
NewbieAlert Thu 25-Nov-21 21:49:44

I don’t really think attendance counts as a gift to the B&G…
…if you don’t want to give a gift that’s your choice.

I’d maybe try and do something small or homemade as a gesture.

PurpleDaisies Thu 25-Nov-21 21:51:05


I don’t really think attendance counts as a gift to the B&G…
…if you don’t want to give a gift that’s your choice.

I’d maybe try and do something small or homemade as a gesture.

It bloody does if you’re spending thousands.

Bluntness100 Thu 25-Nov-21 21:52:06

If you can’t afford a gift then explain that, i also don’t feel your presence is a gift though. Unless there is a back story I’m assuming you get the benefit of a trip over seas you will enjoy, a gift tends not to benefit the giver like that.

Gilly12345 Thu 25-Nov-21 22:00:31

Your future SIL is a CF, how on earth can she expect presents when they are not paying to host the wedding.

I would ignore her comment and not buy them any thing, your present is your presence at their expensive wedding.

User0658 Thu 25-Nov-21 22:02:46

What did everyone say after her rude outburst? I think that would be telling as to whether it was a joke or not

AnnaSW1 Thu 25-Nov-21 22:15:56

Don't bring it up. Just stick to what you've decided

babyshark71 Thu 25-Nov-21 22:22:27


What did everyone say after her rude outburst? I think that would be telling as to whether it was a joke or not

Nothing, everyone just sat there in silence for a bit and eventually the topic changed.

OP’s posts: |
DawnAnn Thu 25-Nov-21 22:24:48

It sounds like they both have VERY different attitudes to their wedding.. Not a good sign for their future together, especially with her being so grabby and selfish. Do you think the marriage is likely to last? If not, then I wouldn't bother with all of the hassle and expense of attending.

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