No thank you, no more gifts

(258 Posts)
SaturdaySummer Thu 25-Nov-21 16:33:07

I have given around 10/11 big bags for life FULL of John Lewis and Next clothes, toys, a play mat, a bath seat, an inflatable chair etc. To someone my dad works with. The lad is early 20s and on an apprentice wage and his gf is a student so they would struggle to get everything on such limited income. All the clothes were excellent condition, some with labels on still. I washed and ironed everything. These were things my son had outgrown and we are lucky to have been able to afford everything he needed so I didn't mind helping someone else out. My friend also gave them more items - about 4 bags for life with again, clothes with labels on etc. I didn't give these things expecting anything in return but the couple have not even sent a thank you card of text - they have literally had thousands of pounds worth of stuff. AIBU to give things to charity in future now instead of this couple as I really feel they have been incredibly rude and ungrateful to not even acknowledge what they have been given

OP’s posts: |
TokyoSushi Thu 25-Nov-21 16:34:54

That's absolutely loads of stuff, too much, are you sure that they wanted/needed it?

Iamthemaid Thu 25-Nov-21 16:34:59

Oh fgs, don’t give to expect, no one asked you to wash and iron it all.

Ponoka7 Thu 25-Nov-21 16:35:53

Has the woman of the couple got your contact details?

Howshouldibehave Thu 25-Nov-21 16:37:00

That’s a fuck tonne of stuff-did they ask for it?

When we were young with a baby, we lived in a teeny flat that couldn’t have stored one extra Bag for Life full of stuff. Between you and your friend, you’ve given them 15!!

Nesbo Thu 25-Nov-21 16:37:07

Possibly they felt overwhelmed and a bit uncomfortable and don’t quite know what to say, especially as it can feel a bit weird to be given loads of baby stuff - as if you can no longer make your own choices as you feel obliged to use what you’ve been given.

ComDummings Thu 25-Nov-21 16:37:11

Did they even want this stuff?

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BornIn78 Thu 25-Nov-21 16:38:37

I got sick of people foisting their unwanted baby clothes and items onto me when I was pregnant, as if they were doing me a huge favour.

Did you ask if they actually wanted the stuff or needed it?

Megan2018 Thu 25-Nov-21 16:38:45

People are ungrateful bastards I find @SaturdaySummer
I hate people that are rude, they will likely raise an equally ungrateful brat. Definitely give to a baby bank or charity chop next time.

I have thosands of pounds of stuff to sort too - I'm going to sell a few of the very expensive bits and donate the money to my favourite animal charity and baby bank the rest.

Spinderellaella Thu 25-Nov-21 16:39:19

That's really generous of you. Doesn't cost anything for them to say "thank you".
It would annoy me too.

StillPerplexed Thu 25-Nov-21 16:39:40

They probably do appreciate them, but what with having a new child, I'm sure there's dozens of things they've let fall by the wayside like this.

MaskingForIt Thu 25-Nov-21 16:40:32

That’s far too much stuff. They are probably overwhelmed and stressed out by the amount of unasked-for things arriving in their house.

WarrickDavisAsPlates Thu 25-Nov-21 16:40:51

Ponoka7

Has the woman of the couple got your contact details?


Why would the woman of the couple need to be I valved in any communication.

The male of the couple works with ops dad so he could have passed on a card or asked for ops number to send her a thank you text.

I do think a card or text would have been nice bit it does sound like a lot of stuff, they may now be quite overwhelmed with stuff that they may not need or want.

PurpleMarie Thu 25-Nov-21 16:43:11

Ponoka7

Has the woman of the couple got your contact details?

Because the father of the child couldn’t say thank you?

Regardless OP is being unreasonable in giving in expectation of a thanks.

WarrickDavisAsPlates Thu 25-Nov-21 16:43:36

Nesbo

Possibly they felt overwhelmed and a bit uncomfortable and don’t quite know what to say, especially as it can feel a bit weird to be given loads of baby stuff - as if you can no longer make your own choices as you feel obliged to use what you’ve been given.


I'd definitely echo this.

We were given loads when i was pregnant with DD and we didn't want it all and while I understand people were trying to help it did feel like things were very out of our hands and we just had to be grateful for anything ever if we didn't want it.

How did you come to giving them all this stuff? Did you speak to them or was it sorted through your dad?

Notonthestairs Thu 25-Nov-21 16:44:09

If they have a newborn I imagine they've got their hands quite full. Are you sure the father didn't thank your Dad directly?

Do they have space for 15 bags? Couldn't you have slimmed it down to a couple?

I'm afraid I hate to be presented with 15 bags of things other people think I need. For one thing I wouldn't know where to put them.

junebirthdaygirl Thu 25-Nov-21 16:45:28

Maybe they intend to send out thank you cards to all who gave gifts for baby haven't managed to do them yet. So wait and see.
I have to admit l got totally overwhelmed when my dsis gave me boxes of stuff for dd. Felt l couldn't choose anything myself as there was so much from her dd.

Millie50 Thu 25-Nov-21 16:46:24

We made sure we thanked everyone for their donations of baby stuff, despite the fact that only about half the people asked in advance to find out if we actually wanted it. Most were very surprised that we found the time to thank them given we have a newborn. Maybe they will get round to thanking you eventually, but if they don't, it's probably just because they're overwhelmed right now.

Unwanted gifts can just be a pain though. We are now having to find other homes for some of the stuff we were given since our house is not very big. We have to find recipients that we are sure don't know the people who gave us the stuff in the first place, in case they find out and write a post on MN about how ungrateful we are!

HireStarter Thu 25-Nov-21 16:46:50

YABU.

A thank you card...They probably said thank you to the person who physically gave them the bags, hoping it would reach you.

No one forced you to give away the stuff. And also, 10-11 bags of stuff?! That's excessive! One bag is enough for each size and no one wants age 3/4 to store for a new baby.

I don't mean this horribly as clearly you had good intentions but I don't think you're the right kind of person to give things to others. People don't always behave as we expect and it's not worth the aggro. Next time, give to charity.

Ponoka7 Thu 25-Nov-21 16:47:00

@PurpleMarie

Ponoka7

"Has the woman of the couple got your contact details?"
"Because the father of the child couldn’t say thank you?"
Young men can be thoughtless and not pass messages on.

I too thought that they were starting to feel patronised. They might have family whose toes are being tread on.

SaturdaySummer Thu 25-Nov-21 16:48:06

TokyoSushi

That's absolutely loads of stuff, too much, are you sure that they wanted/needed it?


Honestly they are on such low incomes and don't have much family support whereas myself and my husband both work so could buy everything we needed. I just felt it was nice to help out but feel we've been taken for mugs a little bit if I'm honest

OP’s posts: |
SaturdaySummer Thu 25-Nov-21 16:48:54

Iamthemaid

Oh fgs, don’t give to expect, no one asked you to wash and iron it all.


I thought it would be nice to receive things that looked new rather than hand me downs. Apparently some people don't have the manners to say thank you

OP’s posts: |
MrTumblesEyebrows Thu 25-Nov-21 16:49:00

When I give away bags of baby stuff I'm just happy it's gone. I don't need or expect a thank you especially if I don't know them and they're someone that someone I know works with.

SaturdaySummer Thu 25-Nov-21 16:49:10

Ponoka7

Has the woman of the couple got your contact details?


Yeah

OP’s posts: |
SaturdaySummer Thu 25-Nov-21 16:50:15

Howshouldibehave

That’s a fuck tonne of stuff-did they ask for it?

When we were young with a baby, we lived in a teeny flat that couldn’t have stored one extra Bag for Life full of stuff. Between you and your friend, you’ve given them 15!!


Yeah they asked my dad if we had anything we didn't need as our son is still very young. I honestly didn't mind helping or give to receive but think not saying thank you is pretty disgusting

OP’s posts: |

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