Washing up gate, who was unreasonable?

(233 Posts)
Homerenonovice Wed 24-Nov-21 15:00:18

I won’t give the full back story as I want opinions based on the facts rather than from the angels we were each coming from.

I had just done all the washing up/ loaded the dishwasher. Walked up stairs and DH was rushing out the room to go to a work meeting and had another few bits of washing up.

I said oh I’ve just done the washing up and have people coming over, can you just leave it in the bedroom for now so it’s out of sight.

DH said no, my hands are full I’m putting the washing up in the sink where washing up goes.

I took the washing up back out the sink back upstairs and put it on his bedside table.

Was I being unreasonable?

OP’s posts: |
user1483387154 Wed 24-Nov-21 15:01:55

yes you were unreasonable

mybroomstick Wed 24-Nov-21 15:02:05


Gazelda Wed 24-Nov-21 15:03:58

I think you were being unreasonable.
I wouldn't welcome anyone into my home I who'd sneer at a few bits of washing up in the sink.
Also, by the time you'd taken everything back upstairs, surely you could have just washed the items up?

Littlescottiedog Wed 24-Nov-21 15:04:01

YABU. It doesn't matter if there's some washing up in the sink. To actually put it back in the bedroom is petty. Your DH was trying to keep the bedroom tidy and was rushing, but was tidying anyway. You could have just washed it up or left it.

TotallySuper Wed 24-Nov-21 15:04:14

Gross wtf you want dirty plates in the bedroom envy no one is going to notice a few plates in the sink and you could have just washed them up and put them away if it was so important your visitors didn't see them. Then later say to him right it's your turn to wash up next etc if you feel that's necessary.

starrynight87 Wed 24-Nov-21 15:05:23

Putting in the bedroom was a bit too much.


Chloemol Wed 24-Nov-21 15:05:55

Yes and very childish

JustButtingIn Wed 24-Nov-21 15:07:03

He could have listened and done as you asked (though it was an odd request and asking him to backtrack) You could have offered to take dishes and put them back in bedroom.
It's turned out petty all round really.
My advice : don't eat in bed.

JamAutistically Wed 24-Nov-21 15:07:09


MrsRubyMonday Wed 24-Nov-21 15:08:37

I wouldn't have taken it upstairs. I would have hidden it in the oven until the guests left 🤣

Homerenonovice Wed 24-Nov-21 15:08:51

To clarify, it wasn’t dirty plates, it was a shake bottle and some sealed Tupperware pots. The pots had dried on porridge oats in them so needed washing again.

I didn’t have time to do the washing up again before they arrived and my friend wouldn’t judge the washing up but I was going to be cooking us all dinner and just wanted a tidy kitchen.

OP’s posts: |
TheNoodlesIncident Wed 24-Nov-21 15:09:30

If you don't have a dishwasher, you put dirty dishes in the oven if you don't want guests to see you've used some dishes for their intended purpose and haven't got around to cleaning them yet. What does it matter if visitors happen to see some used dishes? Will they faint?

I'd be vexed with DH if he put dirty dishes in a bedroom, there's no need for that! YABVU

FOJN Wed 24-Nov-21 15:09:37

I have a feeling the back story would make a difference here.

Did your husband know you were washing up? Were the items he put in the sink suitable for the dishwasher? Had you started the dishwasher after loading it? Does he make a habit of dumping washing up for someone else to do because he's always in a rush to do something other than the washing up?

JamAutistically Wed 24-Nov-21 15:09:47

Although I'd have left it in the bedroom if I were him and you'd asked me to do so. I'd then think it's your responsibility to take them down later (since you stopped me from doing so).

maofteens Wed 24-Nov-21 15:12:07

Sorry you were being unreasonable and petty! Why you had time to take the stuff upstairs but not the time to wash them I don't get. Just shove them, as suggested, into the oven or fridge if you didn't want to wash them.

SexyNeckbeard Wed 24-Nov-21 15:13:55

YABU. Very childish. Have you been and got the plates now?

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 24-Nov-21 15:14:19


HoardingSamphireSaurus Wed 24-Nov-21 15:14:32


Putting in the bedroom was a bit too much.

Why? It's where they came from and had, presumably, lain dirty and used until it was convenient for him to move them?

What changed between his hands and hers?

fuckyourpronouns Wed 24-Nov-21 15:16:18

YABU. The time it took you to be so passive aggressive, you could've washed those pots. They were out of your way by being in the sink. You just didn't want them there

Homerenonovice Wed 24-Nov-21 15:22:43

To answer your questions;

We were going to be using the kitchen to cook so she would have seen Tupperware pots hidden in places.

No DH probably didn’t know I had done the washing up until I explained when I asked him to just leave them in the room for now.

Yes I had already switched the dishwasher on.

DH has a desk in our room at the moment, hence why he was eating in there, rather than us eating in bed.

Yes DH does leave his washing up for me to do, I work part time for so he feels it’s my job during the week.

You’re all saying the same thing DH said, he is like what is the problem I put washing up in the sink but my perspective was that it was no difference to him to take two steps back to his desk and put them back down or take them into the kitchen. But it made a difference to me, I didn’t have the time to do more washing up before my friend arrived so why wouldn’t he just do it to help me out?

OP’s posts: |
MizzFizz Wed 24-Nov-21 15:27:12

I think with the backstory it makes a bit more sense, not sure why you didn't include that in the original post. Without the context it sounded unreasonable...

DerektheGoose Wed 24-Nov-21 15:27:52

"Hi friend come on in and have a cuppa with me in the kitchen whilst I just do these bits in the sink then I'll crack on and make us dinner"

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 24-Nov-21 15:28:29

Yes DH does leave his washing up for me to do, I work part time for so he feels it’s my job during the week.

I think it's more of an issue that you do some of the paid work but all of the unpaid. Proportional would be good. Don't let him get in the habit of thinking he has a house elf, they don't change later.

2bazookas Wed 24-Nov-21 15:29:33

Are you crazy ? Its A HOME, not a show house to impress visitors.

DH is right. The place for a few dirty plates is in the sink.


WTF kind of visitors do you have who poking their nose in private areas like the kitchen, sink, (bins, laundry basket etc ?) Social services/ Probation officer/ Sanitation Inspectors?

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