Fat comment by MIL

(299 Posts)
Anoart1 Fri 19-Nov-21 06:18:06

Really down at the moment. Mixture of things but most recent: MIL commented that as I’m so fat now (I’m size 12) I should give her my really nice dresses as I will never fit into them again. She wants to give few of them to my SIL (SIL is older and has more than enough money to buy herself a few dresses). I politely told MIL I will lose the weight it’s just I haven’t really tried. Her response was “no you won’t, DC is nearly 2 years old now and you still fat”. I was really upset and spoke to DH whose response was well she’s right and no point keeping clothes you can’t wear anymore. Not to drip feed and give all the facts she gifted some of these to me on my wedding day as per tradition so it’s a done thing not her being “nice” it’s tradition. But I have never heard of a MIL asking back for them! My sisters think it’s hilarious of her asking and DH is not supportive. They are my clothes after all and I feel weird giving them away as MIL has decided I will never fit into them.

OP’s posts: |
User4272946730203 Fri 19-Nov-21 06:20:04

Your MIL and you husband are both absolute arseholes. I'm so sorry thanks

PingedPotato Fri 19-Nov-21 06:22:26

Can you divorce your husband and be done with both of them?

Joystir59 Fri 19-Nov-21 06:24:21

They are both (your partner and his mother) being cruel. Size 12 isn't fat.

Mybalconyiscracking Fri 19-Nov-21 06:25:57

Why not try
“I will decide what I do with my own clothes thank you and I would appreciate it if you did not make personal remarks”
You have this woman in your life for years, absolutely stand up for yourself.

Anoart1 Fri 19-Nov-21 06:26:04

Thank you both. Didn’t add but my own mum things MIL is right and it’s no point keeping clothes I will never get into again. The thing is I haven’t even tried dieting. I’m 2 dress sizes from what I was before DC, I don’t know why they keep making me feel like I can never be what I was. It’s actually making me eat more!

OP’s posts: |
Shoxfordian Fri 19-Nov-21 06:27:20

They’re both really rude
Don’t put up with it


Anoart1 Fri 19-Nov-21 06:27:40

MIL is generally very cruel so I don’t know why this hurt more than usual. She told me she’s coming next week to look in my wardrobe and take what she fancies!

OP’s posts: |
Jubaju Fri 19-Nov-21 06:28:36

I’d rather donate then to charity thank give them back. I’d also not be speaking to the rude old cow for a while

HollyBollyBooBoo Fri 19-Nov-21 06:29:05

It never ceases to amaze me what people think they can comment on, how incredibly rude and bad mannered not to mention grabby. Horrible people.

Think you need to be straight with them and point out how awful they are being and that you won't tolerate their comments any longer.

ComDummings Fri 19-Nov-21 06:29:59

Don’t let her. They’re yours, tell her to piss off. Genuinely, she’s not bothered about upsetting you so don’t be worried about upsetting her. Your husband sounds awful too, not supporting you.

Mybalconyiscracking Fri 19-Nov-21 06:31:08

Put the clothes away. If you don’t have to look at them then maybe you won’t feel so pressured. If MIL asks, tell her they were your clothes to do with as you please.. though I can’t imagine she would go through your wardrobe??
Over the next few years you will either lose the weight or not, but when you next get the clothes out they will have lost their emotional resonance. You can then make a practical decision about what to do with them.

Offmyfence Fri 19-Nov-21 06:31:26

I'd rather fucking bin them than give them back....

Do not allow her to look through your wardrobe

As for your husband, he'd be in the bin with the dresses.

As for your mum, she'd also be with them

ChirpyChirp Fri 19-Nov-21 06:32:09

Is MIL from a more 'straight talking' culture?

I gave all my pre-pregnancy dresses to charity as my body changed shape a lot (rib cage expanded). I could have starved myself for months and would never have got back into them.

MrsPatrickDempsey Fri 19-Nov-21 06:32:43

So she is coming next week to help herself? I presume you won't be letting her in.

MintJulia Fri 19-Nov-21 06:33:36

Both your MIL and your H are unsupportive and nasty.

Move the dresses she is referring to. Lock them in the boot of your car or in your locker at work etc.

The sooner your vile MIL learns that her rudeness and interference will get her nothing, the better.

Bloballbovish Fri 19-Nov-21 06:33:46

I'd tell her I'd rather cut them UK and wipe my arse with them than give them to her, the nasty bitch. Well, probably in my head.

It's one thing for your husband and mum to agree that keeping clothes you can't fit into to be silly (even though you can keep them anyway if you want) but they should both be sticking up for you against the fat comments.

Bloballbovish Fri 19-Nov-21 06:34:47

Missed your update! Get those clothes out and hidden away, at a friend's house or something, what a cheeky cow!

Mybalconyiscracking Fri 19-Nov-21 06:35:11

Ooh X-post. she will go through your wardrobe..
Time to ban her from the house I would say.. or large padlock on wardrobe door.

Honestly, stand up for yourself, get mad, tell her what you think of her. Please!
If nothing else your DH’s response will give you a lot of information about how you want to spend the rest of your life.

Anoart1 Fri 19-Nov-21 06:36:33

though I can’t imagine she would go through your wardrobe??

Oh she has zero boundaries she will have no problem opening my wardrobes. She once complained she was trying to open a suitcase in my wardrobe but couldn’t as I locked it! I really hate this woman. I have over the years really tried to see the best in her. She is awful.

OP’s posts: |
hiptobeasquare Fri 19-Nov-21 06:37:55

I think they are all being horrible to you. They are your clothes and it's up to you what to do with them.
If I were you I would hide the clothes in a suitcase in the loft when no one else was around. If anyone asks where they are say you donated them to charity.
Your husband needs to take a long hard look at himself. You two are a team, he's meant to support you.

readingismycardio Fri 19-Nov-21 06:39:19

Just tell her that if you won't lose the weight you will give the dresses to charity.

ClaryFairchild Fri 19-Nov-21 06:41:02

Lock the clothes away - make sure she can't get her mits in them. And while you're at it, get a lock out on your bedroom door so that she can NEVER go in there. I'd still lock the clothes away somewhere else though, in case your idiot DH let's her in your room.

MauraandLaura Fri 19-Nov-21 06:43:59


I'd rather fucking bin them than give them back....

Do not allow her to look through your wardrobe

As for your husband, he'd be in the bin with the dresses.

As for your mum, she'd also be with them


wingingit987 Fri 19-Nov-21 06:49:20

My mil did this to me once while I was 38 weeks pregnant with my second she said.

'If I though you would fit into them again I would give you all my lovely cruise dresses. '

1 I don't want old lady dresses.
2 I was 38 weeks pregnant.

I don't think she means it maliciously my sister in law was back into her normal clothes in a couple of weeks. My lo is 4 months now and I'm in size 14. It's my biggest I've ever been.

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