Can't we just send our kids to school and not have constant events or texts to think about

(673 Posts)
monotonousmum Thu 11-Nov-21 11:32:08

I probably am being a little unreasonable, but I can't be the only one who thinks like this.

Eldest started school in September....I say September but in reality it was a complicated mix of an hour one week, 2 hours the next, then a week of mornings (one day with lunch), finally starting full time first week of October. I was already wondering how anyone actually manages to work.

I work full time, as does my husband. 1 younger child in nursery. School only contact one parent for general day to day stuff, and that falls to me (which is another issue in itself).

So...each week I have anywhere between 5-20 texts from the school (don't park in the car park, don't forget it pj day next week, sponsorship money due yesterday, school photo day, school dinner reminder etc etc), a selection of emails (usually with attachments that are too long for text), some letters in the book bag, notes in the back or front of the reading record book.
Sometimes there is stuff on the school calendar which hasn't been mentioned elsewhere.

I'm totally overwhelmed. Some of the info is repeated in several places (e.g. text to tell us we've received an email about children in need), but just the amount of info was totally unexpected to me.

There's all sorts of sponsored events, dress up days, changes to snacks or schedules.

Can't I just drop my kid to school, they teach her to to read and write (among other things) and then I pick her up and ask her what she's had for lunch and what she learned?? (Not that she ever remembers either).

Is the school OTT or are they all like this? Am I the only one not coping?

OP’s posts: |
Atozofpoodles Thu 11-Nov-21 12:00:44

It does sound full on but you will get a certain amount of admin, part of school life! I had 4 in school, in 3 schools at one point. 🥺

SickAndTiredAgain Thu 11-Nov-21 12:05:59

Eldest started school in September....I say September but in reality it was a complicated mix of an hour one week, 2 hours the next, then a week of mornings (one day with lunch), finally starting full time first week of October. I was already wondering how anyone actually manages to work.

Not the main point of your post I know, but how is this reasonable? DD is at nursery and one of her friends there has two teachers as parents, they couldn’t take weeks off in September to facilitate something like this.

Foolsrule Thu 11-Nov-21 12:09:09

Firstly, you could have asked for full time from the start of reception. The school can’t refuse. Secondly, YANBU! Gives me the rage! So many messages about the same thing over and over and then they forget to tell you the date of the Xmas concert or whatever and wonder why parents get annoyed.

peaceanddove Thu 11-Nov-21 12:12:42

I feel your pain. For years and years I conscientiously opened, carefully read and responded to each and every school email.

By the time our DDs were in Yr 8/9 I'd just had enough. So I deliberately ignored 99% of all school emails from that point. I figured if it was really urgent I would receive an actual phone call. I never did. Absolutely nothing changed. And no one died.

HelplessProcrastinator Thu 11-Nov-21 12:14:05

YANBU. My mum was at home full time when I was at primary (not through choice sadly, army wife). She didn’t have any of this shit to deal with. I think it’s so the school can demonstrate to Ofsted that they are engaging with parents. My kids moved primary and their new school had a list of dates frequently updated on the website with all mufty days, class assemblies, fetes etc listed. Much better approach.

Don’t get me started in the staggered start. No evidence it is beneficial and can be damaging, exhausted kids on multiple school runs, thrown together childcare arrangements, stressed out parents. My DD was really upset but the whole thing, later diagnosed with ASD. Should be optional (but who would choose it??).

ToykotoLosAngeles Thu 11-Nov-21 12:16:20

I think at the very least all messages should be in one format e.g. Parentmail (my nursery uses this). If they think I'm checking the private FB page 3 times a week to see if it's Scarecrow Day, a forest trip requiring a spare car seat, or dress in pink for Summer's birthday party, they think wrong.

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UserThenLotsOfNumbers Thu 11-Nov-21 12:16:38

Same as you OP, my daughter started school this September and I work full time too. Having a child at school is like having a part time job isn't it! Just do what you can, do your best and don't be guilt tripped if you can't make everything.

Turtles25 Thu 11-Nov-21 12:16:48

Yanbu.

We get all that in parent mail and the repeated through WhatsApp via class reps. I have two kids in school so two WhatsApp groups.
Its getting ridiculous.

Youngatheart00 Thu 11-Nov-21 12:17:52

Isn’t it just part of parenting?

EatYourVegetables Thu 11-Nov-21 12:18:18

YANBU.

Child in Year 1. Texts, 2 apps, emails, and messages sent home in the book bag. Then there’s the parents Whatsapp, the School Twitter (different issue but why does the school need a bloody Twitter account???), and the PTA Facebook group. Some of them screenshot the info from one app and paste it in the other. It’s insane and it rarely tells me anything interesting- eg how is DC actually doing, academically and socially, and did he eat a fruit or a vegetable today or was it hot dogs with ketchup again.

The other thing is the sheer amount of events. Send a pound for this or that. A message in the evening asking the kids to wear a certain outfit tomorrow morning that 1)we don’t have; 2) DC would refuse to wear; 3) is mostly plastic tat which if I buy it will be worn once and then lie in a landfill for 2000 years.

It’s all assuming that everyone has a SAHP who has nothing better to do than sew 5 different costumes per child per year!

HelplessProcrastinator Thu 11-Nov-21 12:19:43

Isn’t it just part of parenting?

Not when I was growing up in 80s/90s and most mums we knew didn’t work.

Confrontayshunme Thu 11-Nov-21 12:20:12

Tell your school office in no uncertain terms that they must email or text both parents. They HATE it because texts cost 50p each, but it is blatant sexism. Tell them that Priority 1 and 2 (if that is you and DH) must be selected for all communications. They do it for divorced parents but only for married or partners if you rrally push it. This kind of crap keeps women constantly burnt out.

Pippi1970 Thu 11-Nov-21 12:20:30

I was so glad when mine finished primary. The constant drip feed of information drove me mad. YADNBU

cowburp Thu 11-Nov-21 12:20:49

Technology has a lot to answer for! They could just send one sheet out at the start of term with all the dates on.

As for the staggered start that sounds horrendous is that normal?

safclass Thu 11-Nov-21 12:21:31

Son is at comp. For some reason I was kicked out of the text link and the school have just managed to get me back on after several weeks. It has been heaven! Not knowing if he had a c1/2/3 and why! Not knowing about detentions during the school day etc.
Now I DO need to know (other issues) but not having the 'several a day pings' was lovely!

cowburp Thu 11-Nov-21 12:21:40

Confrontayshunme

Tell your school office in no uncertain terms that they must email or text both parents. They HATE it because texts cost 50p each, but it is blatant sexism. Tell them that Priority 1 and 2 (if that is you and DH) must be selected for all communications. They do it for divorced parents but only for married or partners if you rrally push it. This kind of crap keeps women constantly burnt out.

They pay 50p a text for this nonsense?

cowburp Thu 11-Nov-21 12:22:14

@Confrontayshunme totally agree it should go to both parents

ScurrilousRumour Thu 11-Nov-21 12:23:06

Youngatheart00

Isn’t it just part of parenting?

Never used to be, this is the thing. So glad mine are past all that!

Atozofpoodles Thu 11-Nov-21 12:24:18

The staggered start sounds awful btw

ScurrilousRumour Thu 11-Nov-21 12:24:18

cowburp

Technology has a lot to answer for! They could just send one sheet out at the start of term with all the dates on.

As for the staggered start that sounds horrendous is that normal?

Yes we got a school calender when I was a child.
When mine were small it was the occasional crumpled note.
This would be entirely overwhelming.

daimbarsatemydogsbone Thu 11-Nov-21 12:24:34

YANBU - DDs school uses WEDUC, Go4Schools and Google Classroom. It appears they randomly select which one will have the vital notification included. In theory all homework is recorded so parents can ensure it is being done - except for when it isn't of course.

SleepingStandingUp Thu 11-Nov-21 12:26:16

DS is in year 2 and I'd say your school is in overkill.

Weekly newsletter which covers upcoming dates for rest of half term Inc dress up days etc.; any news the need to share but usually practical not personal; list of prize winners for the week.

Texts the day before to remind us of stuff that's sent from the office.

Odd items in school app if it's class specific so sent from teacher

NewbieAlert Thu 11-Nov-21 12:26:27

Don’t forget the WhatsApp group. Ping. Ping. Ping. And mute.

I agree. Fed up with constantly being asked for money. Money for poppies. Money for children in need. Money for non school uniform day. Plus the reminders. I know what the PE kit is. I don’t need reminding. I know what day maths is due. And spellings. And I know what day the reading books are due in. I don’t need a thousand reminders.

I could go on.

Rainallnight Thu 11-Nov-21 12:27:38

It’s the lack of co-ordination that drives me mad. One email, per week, on one platform, with everything I need to know, would be fine.

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