MIL - Who is being unreasonable?

(199 Posts)
GivenchyDahhling Tue 26-Oct-21 20:30:58

(Just to say this is not a usual MIL thread. Although my MIL is a PITA in a myriad of ways, this is fairly lighthearted although I actually feel kind of sorry for her).

So. MIL (let’s call her June) goes to two bridge clubs, Monday night and Tuesday night. On a Monday night, she gets a lift from her friend who we will call Graham. Graham is, apparently, always moaning about something and I think they have nice little quarrels in the car but, of course, June being June obviously thinks nothing of it.


Yesterday afternoon, Graham rang June and said to her terribly sorry but (someone - friend of Graham ) had tested positive for the old ‘rona, he was isolating and unfortunately wouldn’t be able to drive her to bridge

BIL was at June’s and, feeling that June shouldn’t miss out, offered to drive her.

Well - and I think you can all see where this is going - who do you suppose was there already when June arrive?

It was, of course, that treacherous bastard Graham.

Cue a very awkward evening where June and Graham were pointedly ignoring each other.

Now, my DMIL is not one to be snubbed. Oh no. When she got home she was RAGING. She did, perhaps because of the late hour, decide to sleep on her rage.

The next day - today - she got to work. She rang EVERY SINGLE person in the bridge club individually to inform them of what a two faced lying shitbag Graham was.

After that, she then rang every other mutual connection of theirs. The contractor she recommended to him? Got a call. Her hairdresser? Got a call. The gardener they share (and his dad?) Got a call.

So it’s safe to say that Graham might find himself something of a social pariah come next Monday.

Now I know how MN feel about CFs and lifts generally. I don’t think MIL is a CF, I think Graham lives up the road and offered the arrangement (and, besides, it’s about a 3 minute drive but MIL can’t walk more than a few steps unaided so wouldn’t be able to get there (she has a car but has developed a bit of a fear for it, she’s in her 80s.) I suspect the reason Graham lied is because she drives him up the wall and he wanted out of the arrangement. But it was also a pretty stupid lie and obviously quite embarrassing for her - but bad enough for the nuclear reaction? grin

YABU - June is a classic CF, Graham obviously had had enough of her and is perfectly within his rights to make any excuse he wants to get out of the arrangement and June is being vindictive and OTT

YANBU - Graham was being a dick to an elderly lady, he got caught out of a stupid lie when he should have just been honest if he didn’t want to drive her and June is perfectly within her rights to seek petty revenge

OP’s posts: |
hotmeatymilk Tue 26-Oct-21 20:35:08

Graham’s a fucking idiot isn’t he? Unless he WANTED her to know he was snubbing her…? June sounds hilarious and mad and like no one is want for a MIL, ever…

LittleOwl153 Tue 26-Oct-21 20:35:38

Pretty stupid if him to say he wasn't going because he was a covid contact... then turn up anyway. I assume he wasn't expecting her to be able to get there without him (- which does make his actions seem a bit mean!)

BeMoreHedgehog Tue 26-Oct-21 20:36:35

YANBU Although she took it too far, but not being associated with anyone in the story it’s definitely amusing!

Shoxfordian Tue 26-Oct-21 20:36:54

Graham’s stupid for not realising she’ll find out; June doesn’t sound fun to drive either

BabyRace Tue 26-Oct-21 20:38:53

A little of both really. He is well within his rights to say no, but should have been honest. She is within her rights to be pissed off but calling the gardener? A bit far.

GoodGrief100 Tue 26-Oct-21 20:38:54

I just want to attend bridge club on Monday with a bag of popcorn and watch June and Graham settle the score with their walking sticks. I reckon June would av' him.


Pandaly Tue 26-Oct-21 20:40:01

Wow..never cross June!

Though if I were her I'd have told everyone at Bridge he was meant to be isolating so they'd all scream at him to leave.

GivenchyDahhling Tue 26-Oct-21 20:40:42

@GoodGrief100 June is originally from Walthamstow and “knew the Krays”.

Like every other person from Walthamstow of her age 😂

OP’s posts: |
621CustardCream438 Tue 26-Oct-21 20:40:46

Petty is about right. I’d be seriously embarrassed if I’d called my hairdresser or a contractor who Graham barely knew to complain he had lied to me to get out of giving me a lift. As a gardener I’d not be impressed to be dragged into such nonsense either. It almost sounds like the beginnings of dementia.

On the basis of that kind of behaviour from June my sympathy is with Graham, who was probably trying (hamfistedly) to get out of driving a cantankerous woman he doesn’t like. I don’t imagine June would have taken “Sorry June, I’m not willing to give you a lift anymore” well either. He should have been honest, but June’s reaction is ridiculous.

TotallySuper Tue 26-Oct-21 20:41:18

YANBU June sounds like a little legend

AnotherMansCause Tue 26-Oct-21 20:41:31

YANBU. Maybe June took it a bit far but still, either Graham is a lying dick when he should have been straight with an old lady who has impaired mobility, or he’s deliberately been breaking his isolation & therefore still a dick.

Terminallysleepdeprived Tue 26-Oct-21 20:41:31

Sorry @givenchydahhling this has had me howling with laughter!!!!

Graham is a twat but your mil is my hero!!! I would LOVE to have done this to my exh who literally told anyone and everyone who would listen that I was sleeping around. I would love to have had her balls and told people the truth.

3luckystars Tue 26-Oct-21 20:41:59

Well at least Graham won’t have to make up an excuse anymore. I think he might actually be a total genius.

From now on, if someone annoys me I’m going to tell them a totally obvious lie and then call it pulling ‘a Graham’.grin

hotmeatymilk Tue 26-Oct-21 20:42:09

Can we get June on Mumsnet please?

NorthSouthcatlady Tue 26-Oct-21 20:42:33

@GoodGrief100 same. It’s a shame l don’t know where to go and out of the country on Monday grin

HerRoyalWitchyness Tue 26-Oct-21 20:43:20

June and Graham. Six of one, half a dozen of the other.
Graham should have been honest, June went a bit OTT phoning the gardener grin

Cattitudes Tue 26-Oct-21 20:43:41

Sounds as if she has just bagged herself a lift and companion for next Monday because you will have to update us on the next episode.

GoodGrief100 Tue 26-Oct-21 20:44:41


*@GoodGrief100* June is originally from Walthamstow and “knew the Krays”.

Like every other person from Walthamstow of her age 😂

Blimey, she must be a tough old bird then!! Walthamstow scared me! I'll place my bet on Sunday and expect to hear the result on Monday evening ; )

HTH1 Tue 26-Oct-21 20:44:50

I’m definitely Team June, she sounds fabulous!

CreepySpider Tue 26-Oct-21 20:44:58

Graham shouldn’t have lied. But, my word, that is some reaction from June!

trilbydoll Tue 26-Oct-21 20:46:17

YANBU because Graham made the first mistake and wronged her. I admit June's reaction was OTT but he most definitely started it grin I'm helpless grin

QueenAdreena Tue 26-Oct-21 20:47:21

June sounds like my Nan, who is an absolute liability grin. The tales she tells of fallings out she’s had are always hilarious for us, but that’s because we live miles away and we’re not the ones who actually have to deal with her on a daily basis; if we did, I suspect we’d be pulling some excuses out of the bag too to avoid being stuck with her. Graham was a moron to think he’d get away with such a badly thought out excuse though.

3luckystars Tue 26-Oct-21 20:47:35

We had to learn bridge as a subject in school.
I didn’t think it unusual but some people don’t believe me when I tell them that but it’s true, we had to play it for class time and it was on the timetable. I could not ever get the hang of it and I absolutely love cards. I might look into taking it up again, sounds more exciting than I remember!

3luckystars Tue 26-Oct-21 20:49:03

It sounds like their friendship was just a house of cards.

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