To stay with my baby at the childminder's?

[anxiousmummy2021]

NC for this thread.

I'm a highly anxious new mum (diagnosed with postnatal anxiety and depression). I've been struggling a lot but the biggest fear I have is of leaving my baby with anyone else. She's 7 months and so far I've left her only with her father for up to an hour or so at a time. I can't bear to leave her with anyone else or for any longer than that.

I have to go back to work in the new year. Childminder lined up - all good, very happy with her from first impressions. We have taster sessions booked in for November where the plan is for me to take her and leave her for a few hours to half a day initially, then progress to a couple full days in early December.

The thing is, I just can't face leaving her yet, not even for a few hours. Would it be completely weird of me to ask the childminder if I can stay for those first few hours to ease her in, then try leaving her on the next taster session? I don't want it to seem to the childminder as though I don't trust her or wanting to "observe" her, because this is absolutely not the case at all - I've researched enough about her and got good enough impressions from her to feel like she's the best possible person for my baby. But I also don't want to tell her the details of my severe anxiety. Will she be used to parents wanting to do this? Or will it come across as offensive or strange?

Please - no comments along the lines of "why did you have a baby if you're going to dump her in childcare" etc. I've seen them before on threads like these and I honestly have no time or emotional energy for them so I will completely ignore any such comments. I'm simply looking for views on staying with my baby at her settling in sessions and how to approach this with the childminder so as not to offend her!

Many thanks.

[Thehop]

I’m in the process of returning to childminding and wouldn’t mind this at all.

[Bumblenums1234]

I hope not as it would be a safeguarding issue for the other children in her care.

[Thehop]

I’m also offering the first settling session as me going to their house for a short visit/play so I’m more of a familiar face.

[Theworldisfullofgs]

Tell the childminder what you've said here. A good one would be happy to help you.

[Hockeyboysmum]

Im not sure if this would be allowed under covid restrictions. I had to stay in garden at nursery for my sons first settling in session.

[Thehop]

From a safeguarding point of view, I’d arrange your visits on days for just you. Saturdays maybe.

[Theworldisfullofgs]

Bumblenums1234

How if she isn't left alone with them?

[Blurp]

No harm in asking, and I imagine it's quite common. It will give you a chance to get to know the childminder.

[Thehop]

@Bumblenums1234 childminders are allowed visitors, they’d just be asked to sign in and out and not be left alone with children.

[Merryoldgoat]

@Bumblenums1234

I hope not as it would be a safeguarding issue for the other children in her care.

If the CM is there the whole time and the parent is just there to observe her baby how is it a safeguarding issue?

I honestly think people just hear a word and decide they’re an expert.

[loopyapp]

If I were you I'd be considering using the time you have before you have the taster sessions to get as past this as you can first with her dad and then maybe grandparents.

Start small, 10 minutes and build it in small increments.

If your anxiety is that severe, one settling session sit in will not abate it.

[shouldistop]

I think that's fine. I'm currently settling my 10mo in at nursery and I stay for the first couple of sessions then leave for half of it, then leave for all of it until it works up to a half day there by himself. It's an 8 week process.

[Kitkat151]

What about the other children she minds? Would they be there? If not then I think your CM would be ok about it.....if the other children would be present then it’s a different ball game...not really appropriate

[CocaColaTruck1]

Be honest with her and tell her what you've told us.
I'm sure it's no issue.

[shouldistop]

I hope not as it would be a safeguarding issue for the other children in her care.

Absolute rubbish.

[UltimateBugKilla]

I'd imagine this could cause a bit of a problem for the Childminder, my sons childminder left the house for school runs and took all the children that didn't go to school to various activities with other childminders at different venues.
Id do as others have suggested, and see if you can do something outside of 'normal' hours.

[CheddarTheDog]

They might not want to do a few hours but an hour could be workable. It will depend on their Covid protocols (the cms I know are still not allowing parents into the setting at all) and safeguarding policies though. But there is no harm in asking, even if it’s just a conversation. The other option is they might agree to you just leaving DD for an hour with her, is that something you think you could do?

[Rainbowunicorn76]

@Bumblenums1234

I hope not as it would be a safeguarding issue for the other children in her care.

Oh for heaven's sake!
No it really wouldn't. Do you think Childminders never mix with other adults whilst they're working?
As long as she wasn't left alone with other children it would be absolutely fine from a safeguarding perspective.
I agree with other PP, the best thing to do is talk through your anxiety with her and see what solution you can come to between the two of you.
A good Childminder should be sympathetic to natural first time mum fears.
Good luck!!

[Waspsarearseholes]

When my daughter started with our wonderful minder, we went for a cup of tea and a chat, about an hour. It was immediately clear that my daughter absolutely loved it from the first moment and I got to get a feel for the minder, which put me at ease instantly. The next time was just for an hour and a half and the next time was for three hours. My daughter loves her to bits and looks forward to going. How long is the settling in session for? If it's only a meet and greet type thing for an hour then I don't think the minder would mind but if it's for a longer session could you stay for an hour then leave her for an hour?

[anxiousmummy2021]

@Thehop

I’m also offering the first settling session as me going to their house for a short visit/play so I’m more of a familiar face.

Oh what a lovely idea! I don't think she does this...

[anxiousmummy2021]

@Bumblenums1234

I hope not as it would be a safeguarding issue for the other children in her care.

How so?

[anxiousmummy2021]

@Waspsarearseholes

When my daughter started with our wonderful minder, we went for a cup of tea and a chat, about an hour. It was immediately clear that my daughter absolutely loved it from the first moment and I got to get a feel for the minder, which put me at ease instantly. The next time was just for an hour and a half and the next time was for three hours. My daughter loves her to bits and looks forward to going. How long is the settling in session for? If it's only a meet and greet type thing for an hour then I don't think the minder would mind but if it's for a longer session could you stay for an hour then leave her for an hour?

CM is completely flexible and said I can bring her for as little or as long as I like. I just didn't mention that I wanted to stay at that time when we arranged it 🙈

[Spottybotty20]

My son started nursery during covid so this wasn’t allowed but they usually have a settling in session where mum stays and plays or goes off on a “tour” of the other rooms while the child plays.
I couldn’t stay because of covid but my sons taster session was only 2hrs (and near work not home) so I just stayed in the car outside for the time. Catching up on life admin, mumsnetting, it was bliss!
I’m sure any good childminder would find a way to help you with this,

[anxiousmummy2021]

Just to say re Covid, I'm not sure this will be a barrier because I visited her house back in July when we first met her and I was in there for a good hour or so chatting and she was cuddling my baby, I was sitting on the floor near the other children whilst talking to her etc, nothing was mentioned re Covid at that time. This was an initial meeting though, not a settling in session where I'm supposed to leave 😞

[shouldistop]

Why do people keep saying it's a safeguarding issue and not appropriate for other people to be there? Childminders are allowed visitors. Anyone they like can visit as long as they're not left alone with the children.