DP obsessing over bouncer, weird bully behaviour?

(484 Posts)
SweetMaryHell Tue 26-Oct-21 08:10:04

This has been bothering me since weekend. Been with “dp” for 7 months. On Saturday night we went out for a few drinks. DP nudged me at one point and told me to look at the bouncer stood near the door. I looked, turned back to Dp and said “what about him?”. He burst out laughing and said “look at his crotch” 🤔 so I looked … slightly unusual but as a nurse I know there are many conditions that could present like this so shrugged my shoulders and said something like “so what”. DP continued laughing at kept telling me to look again. I was getting irritated and told him to stop being weird so he said “he must have socks stuffed down his trousers!” I asked him to stop going on about it. He then told me to look at bouncers face. Getting really bored of this now I asked what his problem was with this guy, he replied “he looks like Gru from Despicable Me!”. Ok … tried to change the subject and saw that he was taking photos of this bloke. I swear he paid more attention to this guy than he did to me during the whole evening. He just wouldn’t stop banging on about him, even suggested he ask him for a selfie. I told him I was leaving in the end as he just wouldn’t talk about anything else. Kept going on and on about his crotch and nose.
Long story short, we got back to my place and I went to bed. Heard him giggling, turned out he’d taken numerous photos of this bloke as well as zoomed in photos of his crotch. I told him he was out of order and went to sleep.
Next morning I thought maybe I should give him some leeway as he was drunk but still wanted to say something. I asked him why he kept going on about the bouncer night before and why he’d taken photos. He burst out laughing and started asking if I thought he’d stuffed something down his trousers. I said something along the lines of “I think you’re a bit of a bully to be honest and I don’t like this side of you”. He acted shocked and gave it the whole “woah! Where is this coming from? Did you fancy him or something?” So I reminded him that I wasn’t the one staring at his crotch all night!!!

In hindsight he’s shown signs of this bullying attitude in the past. One time loudly whispered that my hairdresser had a massive nose (loud enough for her to hear if she had good hearing) and then kept going on about her looking like Alice Cooper. On another occasion he loudly “whispered” taking the piss out of the way a caretaker had said a certain word. Again loud enough for him to hear if he had good hearing.

After the whole bouncer thing I’m thinking of calling the whole thing off. He made me feel really uncomfortable and I felt he was cruel to this bloke (he’d also said he was going to upload the photos to Facebook).

He thinks I’m totally over reacting and looking for something to argue about. AIBU?

OP’s posts: |
Witchcraftandhokum Tue 26-Oct-21 08:13:04

I couldn't be with someone like that. Imagine him as s father!

overnightangel Tue 26-Oct-21 08:13:36

He’s a childish arsehole. I’d be getting rid ASAP

YellowandGreenToBeSeen Tue 26-Oct-21 08:14:35

He sounds like a childish oik and you sound like you’ve got the (understandable) ick.

Chuck back with the other frogs.

Whataroyalannoyance Tue 26-Oct-21 08:14:56

Bin him. One day you will be the butt of one of his 'jokes'

BumBurnerBum Tue 26-Oct-21 08:15:27

How do you put up with him, he sounds about 9. People will judge you by his behaviour if he is saying things loud enough for them to hear.

Thehop Tue 26-Oct-21 08:15:42

Nope. Get rid, it won’t grow on you. Imagine if you make a life together and he does it with your kids friends?

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User527294627 Tue 26-Oct-21 08:16:00

He sounds childish, insecure and bullying. Can totally, totally see why you’ve been so put off! It would be hard to come back from seeing that side of someone so clearly.

Motnight Tue 26-Oct-21 08:16:55

He is cruel. You sound lovely, please don't waste your time with him.

VaguelyInteresting Tue 26-Oct-21 08:17:14

He sounds gross. Bin him.

Brightmagic2021 Tue 26-Oct-21 08:17:23

Weird and not nice.

spotcheck Tue 26-Oct-21 08:18:32

How are you with him? Surely after the two examples you gave, he would have been an ex.
He's like a mean school boy.

DeireadhFomhair Tue 26-Oct-21 08:19:08

I couldn't be with someone like that, he sounds horrible angry

FancyNan Tue 26-Oct-21 08:19:29

Dump him, you'll be the target one day and it won't be funny then.

seven201 Tue 26-Oct-21 08:20:10

Urgh he sounds vile. It's just mean and cruel. At least he's shown you the read him earlyish on so you can leave.

I still remember 20 years driving along with my then boyfriend and he wound down the window and shout at a poor girl "you're fat". Dick head.

GroggyLegs Tue 26-Oct-21 08:20:27

If he's like this about strangers, I'd be wondering what he was saying about me if we had a fall out.

He was quick to leap to "do you fancy him" -because in his mind that's the only reason you'd show someone compassion? Not at all attractive.

clockover Tue 26-Oct-21 08:20:49

When someone tells you who they are, listen. You know this man isn't what you thought he was/would be - cut your losses now.

NeverTheHootenanny Tue 26-Oct-21 08:21:34

Not only is it mean, it’s really childish and embarrassing. I can’t imagine my husband behaving like that, and I wouldn’t be with him if he did. If it was a one off that would be bad enough but sounds like it’s a pattern of behaviour.

Charles11 Tue 26-Oct-21 08:21:45

He sounds awful. You deserve better.

SweetMaryHell Tue 26-Oct-21 08:22:31

None of it is funny, I’m very much an introvert and I live in constant fear of someone catching on to what he’s doing and confronting him. I felt so guilty about the hairdresser and she’s lovely, I didn’t know what to do as I couldn’t just walk about and didn’t want to make a scene incase she didn’t hear him in the first place. I’m going to tell him today that it’s over and exactly why

OP’s posts: |
Clymene Tue 26-Oct-21 08:22:57

He sounds completely puerile and really unkind. You're either going to get the ick or he'll get his head kicked in (or both). If I were you, I'd dump him before either of those happen

thecatsarecrazy Tue 26-Oct-21 08:25:32

He doesn't sound nice. Bloke I was talking to told me a story about how a woman he used to work with got lip fillers, she did it for her husband and he told her she looked like a duck. He was called into the office and told to appologise, because he had upset her and made her cry. He didn't think he had done anything wrong.
Nasty behaviour.

Pugmumm Tue 26-Oct-21 08:25:50

That's enough to put me off. You've only been with him 7 months... run for the hills. He will do they to you next and pick on what you are wearing. What a turn off. To laugh about something someone can't help such as his nose is quite damning, thank god he didn't hear.

TrickOrTreat21x Tue 26-Oct-21 08:26:24

Ugh get rid I wouldn't want to be associated with someone like that. I bet he's not perfect himself and has flaws. What a bastard.

gamerchick Tue 26-Oct-21 08:26:44

SweetMaryHell

None of it is funny, I’m very much an introvert and I live in constant fear of someone catching on to what he’s doing and confronting him. I felt so guilty about the hairdresser and she’s lovely, I didn’t know what to do as I couldn’t just walk about and didn’t want to make a scene incase she didn’t hear him in the first place. I’m going to tell him today that it’s over and exactly why

He's an embarrassment and it might do him some good to hear that. Sadly these people seldom change. Sorry man.

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