Page 12 | Suddenly excluded from friendship group

(282 Posts)
timelord92 Sun 24-Oct-21 10:33:09

Me and my partner met at a sports activity and met a lot of like minded people along the way who we started going to other activities with such as camping, meals out, parties, etc. We have done this for about 7 years with about 10 people with their partners too.

We have 2 young children so havent been able to get out and about as much as we were able to before kids but we do still go with everyone when we can make it.

I like everyone in the group apart from one girl (let's call her Sarah) who I just cant get along with but i've always invited when I've organised something as I don't like anyone being excluded. Everything was always fine.

One of the girls organised an afternoon tea and while there someone mentioned being excited about going to Sarah's 30th birthday meal in a few weeks. This is the first I'd heard about it but i didn't say anything and Sarah didn't look ashamed or anything. I just let it go. I think I was too shocked to say anything and didn't want to cause a scene in front of everyone else.

Then someone got in touch with my DP asking if he was going on David's stag do (Sarah's partner - who we both met at our original sporting activity) as he will book the room for the 2 of them. We hadn't heard anything about it. We got given a card with the date of the wedding but haven't received the actual official invite. My DP was then added to this stag group but my partner doesn't want to go as he feels like he wasn't wanted in the first place.

I thought if there's a stag do then there must be a hen too and when I asked someone, there was a hen organised and one of our other friends is bridesmaid and is organising the room/hotel for that so I got the feeling we were being purposely excluded.

I've logged on to Facebook this morning and Sarah has put up loads of pictures of her 30th birthday meal with everyone there apart from us.

My DP has been friends with 3 of the fellas who went to it for 30 odd years but they didn't say anything although they might have assumed that we were invited.

My question now tho is what do we do now? We are still invited to events from everyone else which is good but I don't want to see Sarah and David now and they always go to these events. My natural reaction is not to want to go cos they are there but that is being quite childish. On the other hand I don't want to speak to them either. The worst thing is sarah makes a point of coming over to me and talking to me so I can't really avoid her. I did notice at the afternoon tea that she kept asking me questions but when I answered, she'd interrupt me and say something else or would ask the waitress something. I found it quite rude.

Then there is the issue of whether we invite them to anything that we organise or not. I'm thinking not but should we take the higher ground and not be like them?

OP’s posts: |
LunaAndHerMoonDragons Wed 27-Oct-21 06:27:09

timelord92

To those satin fits odd to want to be included as they are personal to them. We have always been invited. For daves 30th meal which Sarah organised everyone had a great time and Sarah actually sat next to me. We were always invited but recently something has changed.

Maybe she's realised you don't like her or maybe she feels it's awkward between the two of you too and doesn't want to feel that at her personal events anymore.

MRex Wed 27-Oct-21 07:39:24

ThumbWitchesAbroad

*@MRex* - I've read this differently to you, obviously
"There was suggestions from dave that him and my DP should play poker together but she made a point of indirectly saying that wouldn't be happening and was pushing him to leave."

I read it as though Dave was suggesting they play poker there and then, while Sarah chatted to @timelord92 - and Sarah instead pushed Dave to leave.

The OP will know which scenario is correct, so I think you calling her "obtuse" is a bit much.

We all have different relationships, in mine DH got involved with the baby and it was a really important moment in our lives when he was born. Maybe it was all rather different for you, but it isn't about location, I believe many people wouldn't want their DH playing poker rather than staying involved with the baby in this scenario. Given that OP also criticised setting up a dinner (that had been Sarah's idea but she'd muscled in on by sending invites), it is hard to find the benefit of the doubt that OP actually thought about what was going on.

MichelleScarn Wed 27-Oct-21 07:44:41

MRex

So your issues with her are that she wanted a lift, bought you pizza, didn't want to go camping in the rain, and that when you took over invites after she suggested a meal... she booked the meal. Get a fucking hold of yourself and shake hard, a bit of sense might pop out by mistake.

This. Op are you seeing things as a 'popularity contest'? One of the more popular members of the group (and also one of my DP's friends)
Re the camping and you're actually annoyed she took on the v v boring task of organising the meal out (that she suggested!) and saying that she's sly for doing so?
You don't like her, as you've said, that's fine. You know seem to be do offended that actually she probably doesn't like you either!
Re the poker as pp have said if one of my dh's friends wife had just had a baby and dh was trying to arrange a poker night I'd also tell him to put the brakes on a bit till things had settled for them!

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor Wed 27-Oct-21 14:18:20

If someone repeatedly turns down invitations to do stuff I stop inviting them. Maybe this is what’s happening here.

FluffyBooBoo Wed 27-Oct-21 15:26:02

It's amazing how so many posters are being taken in by this Sarah

Yep. Hearing her side of the story has really suckered me in.... 😆

How on earth can we be taken in by someone when we have only heard the opposing viewpoint?

TheChiefJo Wed 27-Oct-21 15:36:14

@FluffyBooBoo

🤣 She's got some impressive powers of influence.

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pelosi Wed 27-Oct-21 20:45:38

hopeso

It's amazing how so many posters are being taken in by this Sarah. She is so obviously trying to drive a wedge in the group and push you out. The fact that you don't like her is a red herring. I think it's just a personality clash but she is definitely trying to undermine you.

Something similar happened to my in-laws. The daughter of a friend of theirs was getting married but they were only invited to the evening event. The rest of the group was invited all day. When my in-laws turned up, the rest of them asked why they hadn't come to the service and wedding breakfast and they said point blank that they hadn't been invited. Everyone was shocked and it certainly soured the relationship after that (one that was decades old) and it's more or less fizzled out now.

I would also be hurt by this because it seems like it's an all in or all out type of group. Now the fragmentation could begin to happen. I wouldn't bother inviting them to any personal events but at the same time, that can make the cracks bigger. If the others ask. why you're not going or didn't go to any of the personal events, just say you weren't invited. Leave it at that and don't go out of your way with her. She sounds jealous and like she wants to take over the group.
PS did anyone ask why you weren't at the 30th?

Time to nurture the relationships that really matter, OP.

So true,

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