Page 2 | To not be able to cope with this?

(128 Posts)
saveusernamee Sat 23-Oct-21 21:31:18

Newborn baby that just cries, all the time, I mean literally from the minute it opens it’s eyes from a nap/sleep to the second it goes back. It sleeps great to be fair but I am definitely struggling to bond, so is DH, we just can’t face looking after a tiny ball of rage anymore.

Toddler that screams and throws anything/everything. Climbs everything. Tries to hurt newborn every second of the day.

Tonight toddler cried from getting out of the bath to going to sleep so just shy of an hour (been whining since about 3) and baby cried from 6:30 - just now as I write this. Nothing would console either of them. What the fuck are we meant to do? Just live with this chorus of tears? It’s absolute hell.

In the end I just ended up crying the whole time the baby did and saying I can’t do this anymore, not that that means anything.. there’s nowhere to go, this is our life now. DH is on antidepressants and waiting CBT. I called the GP but didn’t see the point so didn’t go to my appointment. Everyone tells us it’s normal and not to wish the time away…. are they even serious? Have they not seen how bad life is?

OP’s posts: |
Theunamedcat Sat 23-Oct-21 22:06:45

Sensation can be a thing maybe change the nappies but has a urine sample been sent off?

Ozberry Sat 23-Oct-21 22:08:19

This may be totally obvious and unhelpful but do you get out much? DS1 was a real screamer if he didn’t go out in his pram every single day. Rain or shine. He had to be out or I’d be in for a rough ride.
He’s a teenager now and it’s just his character. He needs to go outside and exercise every day or he starts climbing the walls.
I had to walk him in every weather, but I’d rather welly up and walk in the rain than sit inside with a screaming baby.
I’m wondering if you are more cooped up with the days drawing in, and let’s face it, we all stay home a lot more these days.

Charbead49 Sat 23-Oct-21 22:08:30

What about cranial osteopath for newborn?

welshladywhois40 Sat 23-Oct-21 22:09:49

My first baby would pretty much scream for hours each evening but it did get better as he got older - I think my 6 weeks we got to grips with his colic. Have you tired infacol or gripe water?

Also with the toddler, if the baby is crying, maybe he is playing up with the noise and upheaval too?

I am sorry your partner is suffering too but could he help by just getting toddler out for a walk, get him in the buggy and get out. I am sure being cooped up at home with everyone crying must be so hard.

VashtaNerada Sat 23-Oct-21 22:11:20

This brings back memories of DD. I remember receiving a congratulations card from a relative which said “Having children was the best decision we ever made” and I just stared at it for ages in confusion before realising they were being serious. It did get better once she could sit up a bit and babble but god it was tough.

mayblossominapril Sat 23-Oct-21 22:11:27

You may need a more broken down milk and it takes awhile for the gut inflammation to go after you’ve swapped milk so at least 2 weeks. Soya allergy is very common.
Have you tried strapping them both in the car and driving round until they nod off? I did that a few times after my second was born.

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welshladywhois40 Sat 23-Oct-21 22:13:37

And echo cranial osteopath - we used one with my colicky new born. In the first session I nearly fell asleep while my son had his therapy.

Lastly do you know the tiger hold - again this would help the screaming newborn.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Sat 23-Oct-21 22:13:47

I honestly think you have post natal- you referred to your baby as “it”, you talk more fondly on your eldest. It does sound like your baby has something wrong, babies don’t cry all day for no reason- it can take a couple of weeks for a dairy allergy to get better with cutting it out, a day won’t cut it. Your eldest really won’t remember a few wks of minimal play and too much CBeebies.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Sat 23-Oct-21 22:14:01

* post natal depression

AccidentallyOnPurpose Sat 23-Oct-21 22:14:11

You need to try things for longer before deciding they don't work. It took DD around two weeks on gaviscon to stop crying all day and not nap longer than 15 minutes. And if it really is an allergy/intolerance then that will definitely take a while until everything is out of his system.

pumpkinpie01 Sat 23-Oct-21 22:15:36

Another one here recommending a visit to the osteopath for the baby , did wonders when mine were newborns

billy1966 Sat 23-Oct-21 22:17:03

Sounds so hard and stressful.

Cranial osteopathy is magic IMO.

Before I had my children a couple of friends used them on non stop crying babies and the difference in 48 house was incredible.

Hence all 4 of mine saw one with 7 days of being born.

See if you have one locally and beg for a cancellation.

Worth every penny.flowers

legalseagull Sat 23-Oct-21 22:17:17

Jesus it's rough. There's 15 months between my 2 and I remember how hard it was. I vividly remember one time when both were crying and I just started crying too and said to my DH "I wish we'd never had him" about DC2 sad Now they are 3 and 2 and whilst it can still be hard work at times, they're so funny and lovely and best friends together. It'll be worth it. The first year is just hellish

saveusernamee Sat 23-Oct-21 22:17:28

Baby is a month and toddler is 1.5yo.
Toddler not talking much, we understand him but it’s like ‘buh baw’ for bubbles and ‘moh’ for more and so on. Communication board will probably help, thank you.

The toddler had cmpa and has outgrown it now, surely if it was cmpa and so bad to be going through my milk it would be horrendous if we give a bottle of full cream milk formula though?

I won’t lie I’ve become a little anxious about going out, by the time we get to the end of the street someone’s shit their pants and needs changing, if it’s the baby he’ll need a feed after too, if it’s the toddler that’s a small wrestling match which inevitably ends up with someone smothered. If I sit to feed the baby the toddler whines until I finish, I can’t not feed the baby.

I still do go out but it’s to shops, in the car. Toddler just walks opposite direction if he isn’t in pram so we have to be somewhere safe.

OP’s posts: |
toocold54 Sat 23-Oct-21 22:20:30

Do you have any support to help take them off your hands for an hour or 2 or even hire a babysitter? Just so you and your DH can get out of the house and have a break from it all and come back more refreshed.
If not I would consider you both alternating having a couple of hours out of the house alone whilst the other one takes care of the children.

I think they can be quite sensitive to stress so they may be crying more because the other one is crying or because their parents are stressed.

Nothing is worse than a crying child. I remember how difficult it was with one so it must be awful with two.

Stuckhere2021 Sat 23-Oct-21 22:21:24

OP I can empathise. When we went through a stage like this, DH heard me literally weeping downstairs around 4am - he got up, packed baby and toddler into the car and drove them to the beach. He remembers walking along the promenade (by this time it was about 5ish) and early morning runners looking strangely at him as if he was going to jump off or something. After that, We got through by taking a night each - one would stay with DC, one would go out (gym, coffee, cinema etc). This wouldn’t work for everyone but it did for us as we both knew every other night we’d be ‘off’. Hang in in there ….. it does get better ❤️

saveusernamee Sat 23-Oct-21 22:22:03

That’s interesting you say that Onlyfools, I agree, we are both more fond of the toddler. Which is upsetting to admit but it’s true. Sometimes the only reason I carry on hour after hour trying to settle the baby is because I’m worried it’ll wake his big brother up. Which he did, three times this evening. It’s rough. I felt that rush of love after birth, it’s just almost gone now after a solid month of piercing crying.

OP’s posts: |
mamaoffourdc Sat 23-Oct-21 22:24:07

Honestly try a cranial osteopath- completely game changer x

saveusernamee Sat 23-Oct-21 22:24:52

That’s so reassuring legalseagull.

We wanted two babies. We’ve got two babies.
We wanted a small age gap. We’ve got a small age gap.

It’s everything we ever wanted yet we can’t cope.

OP’s posts: |
Cakeandcardio Sat 23-Oct-21 22:29:26

Does your baby cry after a bath and are you using any soap at all? Ours screamed after a bath with soap. One night we gave them another bath with nothing in it (after having bathed them in a bath with Aveeno) and the absolute relief on the wee one's face was so evident. They must have had sensitive skin and been in pain. Good luck to you. Hope you get some relief soon

CheshireChat Sat 23-Oct-21 22:29:53

It sounds hellish and I don't have much advice except that HV/ SureStart Centres can occasionally sort out a mother's help sort of arrangement which would give you a break.

But IRT 'not wishing the time away'- I really hated the newborn period and enjoyed my son more and more as he's grown.

CheshireChat Sat 23-Oct-21 22:33:37

Also, newborns are a lot easier to love once they stop screaming all the time!

I mean this sympathetically as I struggled to bond with DS for months without anyone realising (even myself).

Theunamedcat Sat 23-Oct-21 22:35:55

Toddler needs a toy or some entertainment that they only get at baby feeding time to ward off the whinging my Friend used a particular pepper pig toy that made an appearance when baby needed a feed it was then packed away till the next time it got to the point where the toddler was saying isn't the baby due a feed mummy? The baby looks hungry mummy 🤣

LadyCleathStuart Sat 23-Oct-21 22:36:09

Oh you poor thing. My youngest was like this and now is the sweetest 5 year old....I really can't believe that she is the same person that made me cry with sheer frustration and exhaustion. It does get better but that doesn't help you now.

The only thing that helped for us was her growing up.

Oh and a dummy, she hated it at first we had to keep going with it but it was a lifesaver in the end.

DaphneDeloresMoorhead Sat 23-Oct-21 22:37:17

saveusernamee

That’s so reassuring legalseagull.

We wanted two babies. We’ve got two babies.
We wanted a small age gap. We’ve got a small age gap.

It’s everything we ever wanted yet we can’t cope.

Just because you wanted it doesn't mean it isn't hard. I've read and heard from other parents that going from 1 to 2 is the hardest transition which is why I only had one, because one alone was at the end of my ability to look after babies.
It sounds awful op. I bet you are coping better than you give yourself credit for

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