Another football parent calling my son gay boy

(481 Posts)
Porkpiesarespicy Sat 23-Oct-21 15:27:25

So I guess my AIBU is, do I pull them up on it or just let it go. Week after week they call him gay boy. "Oh there's gay boy I didn't see him" , "well done gay boy good game". You get my gist. I think it's said in jest, but my god it makes my shit itch.
I couldn't give two hoots if he's gay or not as long as he's happy in himself.
Not sure that I would be over reacting to call them out on it next time?? Hence why not I'm here asking you lot...! If so I need help with come backs I'm not quick witted and tend to think oh I should have said after the event.
Also do I call them out or speak to the manager who is friendly with them? Don't want it to be awks but equally want them to know what they are doing is not acceptable (imo anyway)... thoughts please mumsnetters

OP’s posts: |
RestingPandaFace Sat 23-Oct-21 15:29:22

You absolutely should, and if you don’t feel confident speak to the coaches.

It doesn’t matter if it’s in jest, it’s homophobic and disgusting and he needs to stop.

If the ref hears him the team will probably get a sanction from the league.

fantasticchips Sat 23-Oct-21 15:30:16

Totally not acceptable. I'd definitely be complaining over this.

CloseYourEyesAndSee Sat 23-Oct-21 15:30:25

Speak to the manager and if you don't get an appropriate response report it to the FA
I cannot imagine my DS's coach allowing this even once let alone regularly

TirednWorried Sat 23-Oct-21 15:30:56

How old is he?

DariaMorgendorffer Sat 23-Oct-21 15:30:57

You absolutely must call it out! Jesus, that is totally unacceptable!

Stronger2021 Sat 23-Oct-21 15:31:22

What? You even have to ask? This is awful. What on earth sparked this off? In no way is this acceptable. You pull them up on this straight away


wavingwhilstdrowning Sat 23-Oct-21 15:32:00

Call him 'thick bigot'
'Oh there you are thick bigot, I hadn't seen you' etc

EmeraldShamrock Sat 23-Oct-21 15:32:05

I'd probably be arrested for assault with a football boot.

GoodnightGrandma Sat 23-Oct-21 15:32:32

That’s absolutely disgusting.
I was involved in my DS’s football team and that would have been stopped immediately.

VanCleefArpels Sat 23-Oct-21 15:33:00

Please don’t let this go. If he IS Gay then this will be having a devastating impact on him. If he’s NOT gay then it just normalises this ridiculous everyday homophobia that impacts so many people.

If it were me I’d say to the other parent “it’s really not acceptable these days to use that kind of language could you please stop” and hopefully shame them into stopping it

x2boys Sat 23-Oct-21 15:34:10

Why on earth are you allowing your son to be bullied??

WhatsitWiggle Sat 23-Oct-21 15:35:41

Completely out of order. I'd ask the manager to have a word, along the lines of he's heard it and it's not acceptable, club won't stand for any form of derogatory comments whether that's homophobic, racist, misogynistic etc. That way you're not implicated at all - you want the manager to avoid saying that a parent has complained.

There's signs at our office that say "the standards you walk by are the standards you accept " which refers to walking past rubbish etc and not removing it because it's not yours. But I think it applies to this as well - if nothing is said, you're effectively saying the behaviour is acceptable.

JonSnowedUnder Sat 23-Oct-21 15:35:56

Why would you let an ADULT bullying your child go? What message will that send to your son? I'm not even going to ask how old your son is because it's irrelevant whether he is 5 or 15.

Porkpiesarespicy Sat 23-Oct-21 15:36:21

My son is 15 and it started because he has a perm, it's not a dad but another mum. I ask because I can be a little OTT when it come to protecting my sons and I wanted others opinions in case I was being "princessy" if you see what I mean.

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MrsSquirrel Sat 23-Oct-21 15:37:09

It's homophobia, so yes entirely appropriate to call them out on it, speak to the manager or both.

Stronger2021 Sat 23-Oct-21 15:37:14

How to approach it. I would say why are you calling him that. It’s not his name. If they then say oh it’s just a joke or whatever just look them straight in the eye and say it’s not funny. Don’t do it again. God I feel so mad about this.

SummerHouse Sat 23-Oct-21 15:37:30

This is the conversation I would have had the first time it happened.

Me: why did you call him 'gay boy'?
Him: ...nonsensical reason....
Me: Oh. Well don't call him that again.

The end.

Clandestin Sat 23-Oct-21 15:37:54


My son is 15 and it started because he has a perm, it's not a dad but another mum. I ask because I can be a little OTT when it come to protecting my sons and I wanted others opinions in case I was being "princessy" if you see what I mean.

What’s ‘princessy’ about protecting your son against homophobic abuse, or having to listen to hate speech, regardless of his own sexuality?

Monsterpumpkins Sat 23-Oct-21 15:38:00

Personally I would report her to coach and the police... Hate crime surely?

OtterAndDog Sat 23-Oct-21 15:38:50

Yeah you need to step up for your son here and ask her to stop calling him that. You're not the one making it awkward, they're the one with weird, awkward behaviour. Honestly what's she thinking.

Iimaginethiswillbefun Sat 23-Oct-21 15:38:52

Fucking say something!! I would.

If you don’t want to confront her go to the coach or manager.

MrsWhites Sat 23-Oct-21 15:39:06

Totally unacceptable, I can’t believe that any parent would think it is acceptable!

I would definitely be pointing this out to the manager but to be honest I’d have spoken to her after the first time - she’s a rude bigot and she deserves to be called out on her behaviour!

moanymyrtle Sat 23-Oct-21 15:40:25

Its a hate crime so yes ask the coaches to send out a warning that it won't be tolerated and parents continuing to use hate language will be banned.

Porkpiesarespicy Sat 23-Oct-21 15:41:44

To be honest I don't tend to go to his football that often I'm
Normally with my younger sons but I've been the last few weeks on the bounce and heard it I have given raised eyebrows- clearly not enough for HER to notice. But I didn't want to seem like I was over reacting and cause a scene and make it worse. clearly I'm in the wrong too now. She is very loud in to everyone's business everyone knows hers I find her just awful but I will ring the manager and next week I will make sure I'm
There to tell her enough now - she was a bully at school and 20 years down the line she's not changed 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP’s posts: |

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