Weird bridesmaid’s boyfriend

(111 Posts)
Peridotty Fri 22-Oct-21 17:03:14

I got married 2 years ago so old story but played on my mind a few times.
On the morning of the wedding, I had a minivan pick up my bridesmaids and me from our hotels to the venue to get ready.
I invited my bridesmaid’s boyfriend to the wedding because they were coming from overseas and they could have a holiday after the event together. I don’t know him well, met him once and he is a very silent character. Only spoke to my friend and not to me. He has a very narrow interest (trains).
On the morning of the wedding he came with me and my bridesmaids in the minivan to the venue to get ready.
He then sat in the bedroom in the corner for the whole morning, not doing anything as we were getting changed and doing our hair and makeup. It was just him + me + 3 bridesmaids.
He didn’t utter a single word. He is extremely quiet and may have aspergers?
The photographer was there taking photos. I really didn’t want him to be in my photos because it would look really weird.
He wasn’t dressed up or anything- wore a sports jacket and sat in the corner just staring at us or looking at his phone.
When I was about to get undressed and get into my wedding dress he had to be prompted to leave the room! He would not have thought to otherwise. He was just staring into space when I said I had to get dressed now (pointedly at him). My bridesmaid had to tell him to leave and he said ‘Oh!!’ Like he didn’t think about it.
He nearly forgot that he had to be in the room with all my guests before I walked down the aisle. I had to get staff to escort him to the other room and have a golf buggy take him. He nearly had to walk down the aisle with us!!!
He was so weird and it was weird that my friend wanted him there, right?

OP’s posts: |
Monsterpumpkins Fri 22-Oct-21 17:05:33

Your mistake was initially letting him in the minivan...

ChatterMonkey Fri 22-Oct-21 17:06:41

I think its weird that you just let it happen without saying anything...

Peridotty Fri 22-Oct-21 17:07:15

Yeah I guess I should have told him to wait and arrive with all the other guests (in their minivans). I can’t remember exactly but I think my bridesmaid wanted him to come with us and I’m too soft to say no and also didn’t imagine he would be that weird.

OP’s posts: |
Sparklesocks Fri 22-Oct-21 17:09:37

It’s strange. He should’ve just stayed at the accommodation and met her there, or just not sat in the same room. But also as it’s been two years it’s probably not worth dwelling on now.

Pythonista Fri 22-Oct-21 17:09:39

He didn’t utter a single word. He is extremely quiet and may have aspergers?

Wow. And which medical expert diagnosed this?

CocaColaTruck1 Fri 22-Oct-21 17:09:45

Yeah it's weird but I also find it weird you didn't say anything tbh.

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PolytheneRam Fri 22-Oct-21 17:09:50

This happened two years ago?

CocaColaTruck1 Fri 22-Oct-21 17:10:15

Pythonista

*He didn’t utter a single word. He is extremely quiet and may have aspergers?*

Wow. And which medical expert diagnosed this?


Yeah I rolled my eyes at this

daimbarsatemydogsbone Fri 22-Oct-21 17:11:27

What is your AIBU?

Peridotty Fri 22-Oct-21 17:14:03

@Pythonista lol me. He has a very narrow interest in trains. He loves them, collects models, he knows all the train lines off by heart, he knows all the stations and stops, he will sit on a train just to sit on a train, he was going to a train show after the wedding and he even has his girlfriend (my friend) take photos of trains that she sees.

OP’s posts: |
daretodenim Fri 22-Oct-21 17:14:56

** Pythonista
He didn’t utter a single word. He is extremely quiet and may have aspergers?

*Wow. And which medical expert diagnosed this?*
Yeah I rolled my eyes at this

You can be sarcastic and roll your eyes by my DH with Aspergers would have done virtually the same thing if he had come into the minivan in the first place, only he'd have sat reading work emails on his phone in the room.

Some people who are socially awkward actually do have Aspergers/are "on the spectrum". I don't think OPs remark was entirely out of place in this situation. She was raising it as a question to possibly explain otherwise incredibly odd behaviour, rather than actively diagnosing.

Peridotty Fri 22-Oct-21 17:15:10

@CocaColaTruck1 didn’t know what to say, I just allowed him to sit there. I didn’t want to be unkind especially on my wedding day.

OP’s posts: |
blissfulllife Fri 22-Oct-21 17:15:13

Peridotty

*@Pythonista* lol me. He has a very narrow interest in trains. He loves them, collects models, he knows all the train lines off by heart, he knows all the stations and stops, he will sit on a train just to sit on a train, he was going to a train show after the wedding and he even has his girlfriend (my friend) take photos of trains that she sees.


Oh he must be Asperger then 😫 ffs

Or just really like trains

BrilliantBetty Fri 22-Oct-21 17:15:35

I would have hated that, YANBU. But also could have easily solved it at the time by telling him and his partner that he is not invited to this bit. Bridal party only.

So yes, v v odd but also odd you just went with it.

2021namechanger Fri 22-Oct-21 17:15:56

This post will not end well.

nordicnorth Fri 22-Oct-21 17:17:03

Ffs not everyone with Aspergers or ASD is weird/obsessive and not everyone who is weird/obsessive has Aspergers!!

Aquamarine1029 Fri 22-Oct-21 17:17:19

I really hope you've worked on your boundaries since then. Don't ever be such a doormat again.

CocaColaTruck1 Fri 22-Oct-21 17:17:42

@daretodenim I rolled my eyes because she's questioning it so has no idea if he is or not, you can't just assume.

Peridotty Fri 22-Oct-21 17:18:01

@BrilliantBetty yeah I should have. Just didn’t want to offend my friend who has travelled hundreds of miles (from Asia) to come to my wedding.
@blissfulllife well it’s true, he might not have it but I still strongly suspects he has it based on what he does and what my friend says about him. I am actually super interested in Asperger’s syndrome because my dad has it. I read up on it a lot.

OP’s posts: |
picklemewalnuts Fri 22-Oct-21 17:19:33

daretodenim

** Pythonista
He didn’t utter a single word. He is extremely quiet and may have aspergers?

*Wow. And which medical expert diagnosed this?*
Yeah I rolled my eyes at this

You can be sarcastic and roll your eyes by my DH with Aspergers would have done virtually the same thing if he had come into the minivan in the first place, only he'd have sat reading work emails on his phone in the room.

Some people who are socially awkward actually do have Aspergers/are "on the spectrum". I don't think OPs remark was entirely out of place in this situation. She was raising it as a question to possibly explain otherwise incredibly odd behaviour, rather than actively diagnosing.


Are you me? I was thinking exactly the same thing. DH, and his brothers, would behave in exactly the same way. It wouldn't occur to him to wonder. He wouldn't be very interested in what other people might think was odd. His girlfriend said 'come with me' so he did.

Also, trains. Photos. Story of my life.

TractorAndHeadphones Fri 22-Oct-21 17:20:03

So What's your AIBU - you made an entire post about how weird someone is? LMAO are they even still toiegtehr

Kiduknot Fri 22-Oct-21 17:20:17

Sorry you’ve only got yourself to blame. I had great mental images reading your op 😀 - sorry.

You know what he’s like now. Be prepared for the future…

romdowa Fri 22-Oct-21 17:20:44

Is your friend dating Sheldon? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Cosmois Fri 22-Oct-21 17:21:32

Aspergers isn't an diagnosis anymore, it is just ASD these days anyway.

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