To let puppy break up marriage?

(172 Posts)
NameChanged4This47 Thu 21-Oct-21 22:39:47

Bit of back story, 4 years ago, I asked DH if we could discuss having another child. DH completely shut down conversation and said if I wanted another child it would have to be with someone else. I was upset-both because he refused to discuss and the comment about someone else. We’ve been together almost 20 years. If we’d discussed and came to decision together not to have another child, that would have been fine with me. He’s not a big talker but I think he realised how upset I was and suggested as compromise we could get puppy as he knew I’d always wanted a dog.

He put it off but we got a dog earlier this year. Pup is amazing. I love him and kids do too. But he’s a handful! I agreed I’d do most of the handling etc and I don’t mind that at all. But recently DH is getting really stressed out being around dog and has told me tonight he’s scared of him (he’s a very small dog, but can be a bit snappy). DH wants to rehome but DCs are breaking their hearts and so am I, along with the fact that it feels like it’s another thing where DH has basically got his own way.

DH over the years has become more anxious about a lot of stuff and this is definitely channeled towards the dog at the moment, we both have stressful jobs, life is busy etc. We have been bickering a lot too recently-about this and generally me feeling like he’s being quite selfish. He says he won’t change and he can’t change the way he feels. He’s a good dad and helps out round the house etc. But this feels like the straw that might ultimately break us sad

What can I do here? I just want things to improve for all of us!

OP’s posts: |
HippeePrincess Thu 21-Oct-21 22:44:22

I wouldn't have a snappy dog.

00100001 Thu 21-Oct-21 22:47:00

Train your "snappy" dog better...now.

You can't possibly leave it with the kids ever otherwise.

purpleme12 Thu 21-Oct-21 22:47:09

Mmm if he agreed to the dog he should be committing to the dog so trying to find ways to solve this behavioural issue if there is an issue.
So yes he is unreasonable

AliceinBorderland Thu 21-Oct-21 22:48:32

along with the fact that it feels like it’s another thing where DH has basically got his own way.

Got his own way on what?!

You have kids. Plural. You already have a family with more than one child. Why should you get your own way to have yet another one any more than he should?

He didn't want another one so you accept that or leave.

I don't know why anyone thinks a dog solves anything. You have all of your life stresses and then you have a dog on top of it all.

Snappy dog sounds awful tbh.

Strangevipers Thu 21-Oct-21 22:48:42

Get the dog trained ASAP

Soon as doggy is trained your DH will likely be happier around the dog

Is your DH suffering from mental health like depression or anxiety that needs to be seen by a go ?

For the time being keep the dog out of his way ?

Catflapkitkat Thu 21-Oct-21 22:49:22

It doesn't sound as though you have reconciled the 'another DC' conversation.

Can you sign the pup up for training classes? Have you had him snipped? (Pup not DH)

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Aquamarine1029 Thu 21-Oct-21 22:49:57

I wouldnt want a snappy dog in my home, either. The dog needs to be properly trained.

user1473878824 Thu 21-Oct-21 22:50:20

My god your poor husband. He’s scared of the dog, has been getting more and more anxious recently and your answer is that he’s selfish.

AnneLovesGilbert Thu 21-Oct-21 22:51:33

Who’s talking about ending the marriage? You don’t say he’s given you an ultimatum so are you saying you’ll divorce him if he asks you to rehome it?

I’m not a dog person and I’d leave it my husband got one but you’re being quite dramatic.

Have you addressed his increasing anxiety? What’s he doing to manage it?

You seem to still resent him saying no to another baby, and you mention multiple DC so it’s not like you didn’t get any or had one.

Is this an excuse you’ve been looking for to suggest divorce?

Brollywasntneededafterall Thu 21-Oct-21 22:52:48

Ime it will only get worse... Dh I mean not ddog. My exh blamed everything that was wrong with us /the house /the dc /his job on ddog.... Get training ddog and get rid of dh...
Imo.
Your love for ddog will be much better for you and your dc...

wetotter Thu 21-Oct-21 22:54:50

You need to sort out the dog training asap.

Having a dog that is a 'handful' when you have DC is not on, and as this is your dog (that DH was reluctant about) you must have known all along that training was down to you.

You need to get this sorted before the snapping becomes biting, and definitely before someone is injured.

If you are not up to this, then the sooner the dog is rehomed the better.

NameChanged4This47 Thu 21-Oct-21 22:54:50

We’ve done and are doing everything we can with the dog behaviour. It’s normal puppy behaviour (as confirmed by vet). To be clear, I didn’t ‘want my way by having another DC’ but I did want a conversion about it. If DH didn’t want the dog which is now pretty clear is the case, it wasn’t really a compromise!

OP’s posts: |
GreyhoundG1rl Thu 21-Oct-21 22:55:56

Sort the dog out. It sounds unsafe for the kids, never mind a source of annoyance for your dh.

AliceinBorderland Thu 21-Oct-21 22:57:31

Your love for ddog will be much better for you and your dc...

Right. A dog will be better than a good dad. Just when you think you've heard everything.

A dog ...🤦🏼‍♀️

Marvellousmadness Thu 21-Oct-21 22:58:02

Keep the dog. Rehome the dh.
The dog makes you happier than he does. Surely that tells you enough...

GreyhoundG1rl Thu 21-Oct-21 22:58:51

Brollywasntneededafterall

Ime it will only get worse... Dh I mean not ddog. My exh blamed everything that was wrong with us /the house /the dc /his job on ddog.... Get training ddog and get rid of dh...
Imo.
Your love for ddog will be much better for you and your dc...

What a very strange post.

Lightswitch123 Thu 21-Oct-21 23:00:20

Aquamarine1029

I wouldnt want a snappy dog in my home, either. The dog needs to be properly trained.

Agreed. Dog needs training ASAP

FATEdestiny Thu 21-Oct-21 23:02:23

How old is the dog?

LittleOwl153 Thu 21-Oct-21 23:02:37

What does DH say when you say no you are not rehoming the dog? Personally I would see this has his problem to resolve. He agreed to the dog - he even suggested it. Therefore he doesnt get to just kick it out as he no longer wants it.

I'm not a dog lover (and I would have never have agreed to get a dog) but once you have one surely you have a duty to do your best by it not just dump it to be rehomed as you DH doesnt fancy having it anymore?

Pencilandpaper Thu 21-Oct-21 23:03:51

Marvellousmadness

Keep the dog. Rehome the dh.
The dog makes you happier than he does. Surely that tells you enough...

What a great conversation to have with the kids.

Undisclosedlocation Thu 21-Oct-21 23:03:58

How old is the puppy? What has your trainer/behaviourist out in place to retrain it? I’m assuming you have employed one as a first step to sorting this issue out?

Mischance Thu 21-Oct-21 23:04:44

A snappy dog around children - words fail me.

JudyGemstone Thu 21-Oct-21 23:05:03

All the threads about puppies in the dog house on here say that puppies are always bitey, it’s a normal developmental stage.

You might be better off posting there for advice on that than AIBU.

In terms of your relationship, it sounds as though you don’t really love your husband anymore. Perfectly acceptable to leave if you’re not happy.

parietal Thu 21-Oct-21 23:05:09

you say you are both stressed with difficult jobs etc. the puppy is yet another thing that adds to stress in the house.

what can you do to reduce stress for both of you? Can anything change around work / commuting / housework etc. Would it help to change working hours, or get a cleaner or something?

If there was less stress on you and on DH, then the puppy and the rest of your marriage will be easier. So maybe have a good think about what might reduce stress. And more importantly, your DH needs to think about it too. If his anxiety is impacting on the whole family, he needs to do something about it.

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