To not have answered the door?

(121 Posts)
PissyMum Mon 18-Oct-21 22:45:24

I’m a single mum with two young dc. I separated from dh nearly 2 years ago but still living in the family home until he decides what he wants to do with it (long story). It’s a massive, crumbling house that we bought as a young, hopeful couple and it’s increasingly impractical to live in. There are constant leaks, floorboards collapsing and all manner of various catastrophes have happened in the house over the last couple of years. The most recent issue I’ve had is that I’ve realised that the garage door is completely insecure. I’d been locking it as the key was turning and it was making a ‘click’ sound but only realised a couple of weeks ago it wasn’t actually doing anything and you can just lift up the garage door and walk straight in. The garage leads on to a couple of falling down stone rooms (old stables, I think) and then straight into the house so this is obviously a massive security risk. A new garage door has been ordered and I’ve ordered new, lockable internal doors but for the next week at least I’ve just created a bar that blocks the door shut into the main house if you were to access from the garage.

About half an hour ago (so 10pm ish) I heard knocking at the back door. I ignored it although I was clearly in, I just stayed quiet upstairs. Then the front door was knocked, I ignored again. Then I hear footsteps down the side alley leading to the garage and dial ‘999’ on my phone in case they do actually try and break in. I then hear the sound of the garage door opening, peep out of the window and see it’s my bloody mother 🤦‍♀️.

She’d been to her friends house down the road and wanted to give me one of my dc’s t-shirts back that he soaked when he was at hers the other day. I asked her why she didn’t either use her key (she’d forgotten it) or ring me (she didn’t want to wake dc up). Now she’s absolutely furious with me for being melodramatic and not opening the door. She says she could have been someone needing medical attention or someone letting me know I’d left my car headlights on and I always think the worst of people.

If it makes any difference I live in a very safe area, neighbours directly across the road who I could’ve screamed at if I needed help. I just don’t feel safe opening the door at 10pm, especially when I know my house isn’t currently secure. This may be related to me living in what I consider a fairly spooky house and having watched Paranormal Activity last week but I don’t think I’d open it under normal circumstances either.

Aibu and dramatic? I didn’t dial 999 or do anything other than not open the door and silently get myself in a state.

OP’s posts: |
ByeBumpHiBaby Mon 18-Oct-21 22:55:07

I wouldn't have opened it either, but I'm one of those weird MNetters who doesn't open the door if I'm not expecting someone grin

WorraLiberty Mon 18-Oct-21 23:00:20

Then I hear footsteps down the side alley leading to the garage and dial ‘999’ on my phone in case they do actually try and break in.

You were all ready to dial 999, despite living in a 'very safe area' with neighbours who would come to your help?

Why didn't you just ask who it was through the door, without opening it? confused

PissyMum Mon 18-Oct-21 23:00:54

ByeBumpHiBaby I do normally open the door during the day as it’s normally just deliveries. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not opening the door when you’re not expecting people though. What if it was someone who wanted to come in and my house was a mess? I’d hate that.

OP’s posts: |
WorraLiberty Mon 18-Oct-21 23:02:17

Mind you, this is Mumsnet where no fucker seems to open the door unless the person on the other side has made an appointment that's been checked in triplicate, and DBS certificates scanned and emailed 3 weeks in advance 😂

PissyMum Mon 18-Oct-21 23:02:45

worraliberty both my front door and back door have large panes of glass so you can see in if I hadn’t closed the internal doors (which I hadn’t got round to at that point). If I went down and saw it was a baddie, he’d see me too and I was in my PJ’s so not ready for a fight.

OP’s posts: |
Pinkchocolate Mon 18-Oct-21 23:04:18

I won’t answer my door at night either. Do you have a peephole or camera on your door? If you can afford one that would make you feel safer. I definitely don’t think YABU.

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PissyMum Mon 18-Oct-21 23:06:22

No peep hole just double doors and the internal one was wide open so the visitor could see me but I couldn’t see them in the dark. The only switch for the outside light is right next to the door.

OP’s posts: |
WorraLiberty Mon 18-Oct-21 23:07:12

PissyMum

worraliberty both my front door and back door have large panes of glass so you can see in if I hadn’t closed the internal doors (which I hadn’t got round to at that point). If I went down and saw it was a baddie, he’d see me too and I was in my PJ’s so not ready for a fight.

You're adamant you're not being unreasonable though, so I don't understand the point of the thread?

If you're looking for people to say your mum is wrong and it's perfectly normal to cower in your house/ring 999/not speak through a door because you're wearing pyjamas, you'd have to be very new to MN to not know lots of people will agree with you.

UnsuitableHat Mon 18-Oct-21 23:08:17

You can answer the door as and when you choose. I never used to, do now, but it’s very rare that someone I want to see turns up unannounced. Couldn’t your mum have texted?

Finknottlesnewt Mon 18-Oct-21 23:13:05

Completely baffled by these threads. I live in very rural area in detached house.. never once in my 60 years has it ever crossed my mind not to answer the bloody door. Because call me weird but people knocking my door... um probably want to talk to me.

mrsdootfear Mon 18-Oct-21 23:14:51

I wouldn't have opened it either. In fact my child's dad came knocking unannounced at my door at 9 pm tonight and I didn't answer to him either.

DebbieHarrysCheekbones Mon 18-Oct-21 23:27:34

PissyMum

No peep hole just double doors and the internal one was wide open so the visitor could see me but I couldn’t see them in the dark. The only switch for the outside light is right next to the door.

Someone could use a contraption through the cat flap and get that key

Sleeplessem Mon 18-Oct-21 23:40:44

I’m glad you’re getting the garage door fixed, that would be scary, as you never know, plus if something did happen your contents insurance probably wouldn’t cover it as the doors not locked.

If it was dark and I wasn’t expecting someone, no way in heck would I answer the door (I live in a big city though). You ever thought of getting a few ring doorbells, notifies you if there’s motion at your door and you can have a quick look and see who it is on your phone? Just a thought for your own peace of mind, cheaper than a full on security system too.

LemonJuiceFromConcentrate Mon 18-Oct-21 23:42:01

You weren’t unreasonable — but I am one of those much-scoffed-at MNers who thinks you’re not obliged to open the door to anyone when it doesn’t suit you. I would say it being 10pm and you being in pyjamas is a perfectly good reason, let alone your security issue.

Your mum though is being VU to be “absolutely furious” about this — what a total overreaction.

0nlyMe Mon 18-Oct-21 23:44:31

Get a ring doorbell x

PissyMum Mon 18-Oct-21 23:46:30

worraliberty I don’t think I was unreasonable, I just posted a thread asking others if they thought I was as I was really surprised by my mum being so put out by it. I thought it was fairly normal to not answer the door after a certain time at night, for me that would probably be around 9pm. I think I just feel more vulnerable at night when I’m in the house alone with the dc.

OP’s posts: |
Josette77 Mon 18-Oct-21 23:54:53

I've been robbed. They are more likely to bash in the door if they think you aren't home. I used to never answer my door.

Summerfun54321 Tue 19-Oct-21 01:39:24

If I went down and saw it was a baddie, he’d see me too and I was in my PJ’s so not ready for a fight.

This line of thought is fine if you’re expecting an assassin to come knocking, but run of the mill baddies get scared off if you’re home. I’d have shouted “who is it” or peaked out another window and I’m super cautious as have been burgled twice. Your mum might have been worried about you if she knew you were home but weren’t answering the door.

Aquamarine1029 Tue 19-Oct-21 01:52:34

Not a chance I'd open the door.

TheChiefJo Tue 19-Oct-21 02:03:41

YANBU to not open the door, even though I would. It's a personal choice. Your DM is BU not ringing. Why does she think that would that wake DC but door knocking not? She may have a bit of a general point about you being extra cautious, but her reason for not ringing and creeping around the property instead is a bit thin.

ArabellaStrange Tue 19-Oct-21 02:10:17

I would not have opened it either OP. Fuck what anyone else thinks.

DriftingBlue Tue 19-Oct-21 02:14:32

The best way to avoid waking the children is to call. That will just ring your cell which hopefully is in your pocket as opposed
To banging on the door or ringing the bell which is more likely to be heard through the house.

Redsquirrel5 Tue 19-Oct-21 02:23:07

10pm is getting a bit late. I live rurally and went to the back door ( glass panes) late one night and there was two policeman standing there. Apparently I went white as DH had gone away to work for a few weeks that day. After reassuring me he hadn’t been in an accident to their knowledge they shuffled about a bit embarrassed and admitted they were lost! I told them how to get to the place and suggested only one went to the door not two.
I have had someone in the garden in our previous house which made me a bit frightened as I had been getting silent phone calls too.
She should have phoned early to say she would call in.

immersivereader Tue 19-Oct-21 02:29:41

I wouldn't have answered

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