To be annoyed at DH

(256 Posts)
1teaandchocolate Sat 16-Oct-21 21:15:49

On Friday morning, DH and his friend drove 4 hours down south for an event on the Saturday morning. He told me he would be back Saturday around 4. Fine by me.

He let me know when he was on his way back, told me roughly what time he would be at his friends (dropping him off). He rang me at 4.30 to tell me he was in a pub and would see me soon. DD (2) kept shouting daddy because she wanted to speak to him and I was trying to give DS (9months) his tea. He then rang back and told me he didn't know if he was going to come back. I then reminded him that he has a wife and 2 children at home and responsibilities. His friend is newly single and my DH seems to be enjoying being the 'wing man'.

After I put the kids to bed, I get a text 'I'm obviously not coming home. Don't be angry.'.
We have a wedding tomorrow lunchtime, his friend lives over an hour away and the wedding is over an hour away from our house. He has also told me he is going to stay at the wedding for the evening do so I'll have to take the kids home on my own and put them to bed whilst he enjoys a free room in the hotel.

I don't mind him having fun and seeing friends, but Ive have barely had any family time with him since beginning of august. He keeps making plans with his single mate!

AIBU?! I'm so annoyed at him, i haven't even text him back. I actually have no idea where he is. I don't know if he even made it back to his friends. I know he's in the country because his passport is here 👍🏼

OP’s posts: |
girafferafferaffe Sat 16-Oct-21 21:19:11

I would be furious at being left in the lurch like that with 2 kids. Will you get some time to get ready for the wedding? When is your time to go out and do whatever the fuck you like without thinking of anyone else?

Justmuddlingalong Sat 16-Oct-21 21:19:48

'I'm obviously not coming home. Don't be angry.'.
I'd take him at his word and look at separation.

Travis1 Sat 16-Oct-21 21:20:59

Nope and I think it’s safe to say he’ll be bringing the kids home tomorrow night and you’ll be staying at the wedding.

Aquamarine1029 Sat 16-Oct-21 21:21:09

I would be LIVID. What in the fuck is he playing at? Living like a single man, apparently. I'd be seriously wondering what he's getting up to.

glasgowLil Sat 16-Oct-21 21:22:34

He is taking the piss. I would be hopping mad if my husband did this. He’s behaving as if he’s got no responsibilities and not prioritising you and his kids. You need to get through the weekend and then ask him what he thinks he actually contributes to your marriage. And can you get him to take the kids home tomorrow and you get an evening off and the free hotel room? You certainly deserve it.

MrsRobbieHart Sat 16-Oct-21 21:22:35

The brass neck on him!! “I’m obviously not coming home” hmm is it possible his mate wrote that text? Or does it sound like him?

Fwiw I would be taking the hotel room and staying at the wedding tomorrow. Send him home with the babies.


dudsville Sat 16-Oct-21 21:22:38

It's his lack of planning WITH you, as a family working towards a shared goal that's the problem. The lack of respect.

lockdownalli Sat 16-Oct-21 21:23:05

I would not tolerate this shit. Who the fuck does he think he is?

MonkeyPuddle Sat 16-Oct-21 21:23:47

I would be incandescent.

How dare he treat you and the children with such little respect. For what? A drink? A night away?

Fuck that and fuck him.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing Sat 16-Oct-21 21:24:13

Shit! What is the matter with all of the men I’m reading about on here today?

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 Sat 16-Oct-21 21:25:11

Wow. Change the locks. What a cf.

TumtumTree Sat 16-Oct-21 21:26:00

I'm pretty relaxed about this sort of thing but I would be really angry about this!

1teaandchocolate Sat 16-Oct-21 21:28:51

I am so relieved that I am actually right in being angry!

I don't know if I'll have chance to get ready for the wedding. No idea when he is coming home. Just painted my nails now and hopefully can whack a bit of makeup on.

I'm breastfeeding and he wouldn't be able to settle the kids and get them ready for bed.

It's just adding fuel to the fire if I mention that I found his wedding ring on the kitchen windowsill. I asked him on the phone why it's off and it's so he didn't lose it if he was digging.

I genuinely have read so many posts on here about OH's and always thought I was lucky with my DH.

OP’s posts: |
Sundancerintherain Sat 16-Oct-21 21:29:14

He is checked out of the relationship. I'd binbag his shit and leave it outside the front door.

Jemsi Sat 16-Oct-21 21:29:23

I’d be telling him to stay there. What’s the point if you’re not a partnership?

BrilliantBulb Sat 16-Oct-21 21:29:52

This is so odd! As if you’d just stay out all night like it was no big deal! What a dick.

Still go to the wedding tomorrow. Arrive altogether and then go to the loo, leaving the kids with him. Expect really you get in a taxi and leave. Text him ‘I’m obviously not coming back. Don’t be angry.’ Book yourself into a hotel, don’t tell him which, and then turn your phone off.

saffy1234 Sat 16-Oct-21 21:29:57

My husband went through a stage of doing this with his newly single friend in early 2020
Going out,not coming home etc
In April,on my birthday he decided to leave me and his 3 children (DS1 is severely disabled) in the middle of lockdown and act the single bloke.
He started to regret it months later but the damage was done.

user1493494961 Sat 16-Oct-21 21:30:03

Tell him he can take the kids home after the wedding and you'll enjoy the free hotel room.

Cuddlyrottweiler Sat 16-Oct-21 21:30:18

I'd text back "I'm angry. " If he keeps carrying on like a single man then he'll be one.

Lotusmonster Sat 16-Oct-21 21:30:51

Tell him his stuff will be waiting for him on the doorstep.

Chloemol Sat 16-Oct-21 21:30:59

I would go to the wedding, and stay the night with the kids and make him get up to them

Then next weekend I would announce on Friday I am going to stay at friends, the kids are yours until Sunday night and leave him to it

After that I would have a serious conversation on how this is not going to happen again

girafferafferaffe Sat 16-Oct-21 21:31:58

* I found his wedding ring on the kitchen windowsill.*

More red flags than a communist parade here

1teaandchocolate Sat 16-Oct-21 21:32:02

It's so unlike him. This is all since he has got back in contact with his friend.
He's turned his 'find friends' off - not that I've been sat here checking it.

I'm not annoyed because DD kept asking when daddy's coming home.

OP’s posts: |
waitingpatientlyforspring Sat 16-Oct-21 21:32:52

He thinks he is opting out of fatherhood for three nights and three days with no discussions! I would not be happy. He can't stop tomorrow as he needs to stay sober as its your turn to drink while he looks after the children.

I assume the wedding is his friendship group and not yours? I would be tempted not to go. Weddings with young children are not much fun but doing it with no help will be worse.

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