Fiancé lazy or am I just being dramatic?

[youngmum1719]

I am currently 8 months pregnant with baby #2, DD is 1.5 years old. I am a SAHM and Fiancé works part time. He has 3 days off a week but seems to still do nothing around the house. He is constantly complaining about mess (even though I don’t ever stop cleaning/tidying) and the fact when he’s home the washing up builds up. This is due to him using a new plate/cup/cutlery every few hours and not cleaning after himself. DD is better at cleaning than him because she sees me doing it constantly. He also lays in bed until 11/12 each morning when he’s off or is working an afternoon shift. He never gets on the floor and plays with our daughter, he has to be asked 3/4 times to actually do something for her or with her. I don’t know what to do anymore, he still expects to be having sex 4/5 times a week but I don’t want to have it when I don’t feel appreciated or don’t get any help at all!

What would you do?

[Merryoldgoat]

He sounds deeply unpleasant and lazy.

Honestly - what are you getting from this relationship? It sounds like you’re a servant.

[Merryoldgoat]

Oh WWID?

I would have ended the relationship long before it got to this stage.

Anyone who ‘expects’ sex at all is a pig.

Is this new behaviour? Or has he alwAys been like this?

[EmoIsntDead]

What would you do?

Id sit him down and tell him he pulls his weight or I'm leaving.

[BlueSuffragette]

This relationship is not an equal partnership. You need to raise the bar, get him to pull his weight or you'd be better off without him.

[Yogawankonobi]

I wouldn’t be engaged to someone like this for a start.

Why does he only work part time?

[GinIronic]

Would would I do? Kick out the waster that works part time in everything except sex and stop having babies.

[MrsRobbieHart]

Oh these threads are so depressingly frequent. When will women wake up?

[Username916]

Oh my god, get out now. Do not marry this man.

[Krustykrabpizza]

How on earth do you get by with only one adult working part time?

[clockover]

What would you do?

I would probably tell him it's over. A man moaning about mess and you constantly cleaning while he creates more mess to moan about - what part of that do you find attractive

[Karwomannghia]

He won’t change, don’t get to the point where you accept this as normal.

[Cherrysoup]

I wouldn’t be doing a bloody thing for him, plus he’d have given me the ick by now re being a lazy prick. Lying in bed til 11 when you have a toddler? I’d be off out leaving the toddler with him. What benefit is there to being with him?

[GoldChick]

Has he always been like this?

[Ihaventgottimeforthis]

You are 8 months pregnant?
He is lazy & doesn't care about you or his children.
Do not marry this man, it will only get worse.

[Ellis989]

What does he do that means you can survive on one 3 day per week salary?!

[SunnyLeaf]

Why would this ever change? He gets everything done for him, doesn’t have to lift a finger. Do you get angry with him, have serious discussions etc? What’s his excuse? I’d be out of there personally, I deserve more respect.

[youngmum1719]

@SunnyLeaf I try to talk to him about it all the time but it always ends up feeling like I’m doing more damage to the relationship honestly. It always seems to be my fault. I love him and when we go out and get out the house things feel amazing. But the moment we’re back it’s all back to the usual. I don’t want to leave him, I just want him to change, this isn’t the person I feel in love with. He keeps telling me I’ve changed because I have bad anxiety, but I’ve been trying to work through them. I have spoken to him and set some boundaries as I’ve realised I have some unresolved childhood trauma and he doesn’t like it. I feel as if he’s punishing me for finally taking control of my life and trying to feel better

[DroopyClematis]

He isn't going to change though. Yes, he might pull his weight for a few days but then he'll soon revert to type.

You need to decide whether you want this life or not.

I feel for you.

[youngmum1719]

I thought I was being dramatic so I wrote down the jobs I did compared to him. On days he’s working I don’t expect him to help with the housework but still be present for our child. Then on his days off if I wash up, all I ask is he dry and put away. Then Chuck the hoover round for me at the minute as it’s heavy and I struggle

[Bellringer]

Well there is your problem. You can't change him. Try counselling but he is really not nice, you would be better out of it

[youngmum1719]

@DroopyClematis thank you! I just want to feel appreciated more. I only ask the minimum as I know I’m a SAHM so should be doing most but I don’t think he realised that he gets days off, he goes out with friends and I don’t ever stop. The longest I have been without our DD was 4 hours, 2 spent doing food/Xmas shop and 2 spent getting my nails done as a treat to myself but that was when she was 6 months old so a year ago now

[Luckytattie]

You will never ever change him
You need to leave him

[DrSbaitso]

I'd seriously consider if this was the life I wanted. He only works part time too?

[DrSbaitso]

I don’t want to leave him, I just want him to change, this isn’t the person I feel in love with

But it's the person he is. And he won't change.

[PrincessPaws]

[quote youngmum1719]@SunnyLeaf I try to talk to him about it all the time but it always ends up feeling like I’m doing more damage to the relationship honestly. It always seems to be my fault. I love him and when we go out and get out the house things feel amazing. But the moment we’re back it’s all back to the usual. I don’t want to leave him, I just want him to change, this isn’t the person I feel in love with. He keeps telling me I’ve changed because I have bad anxiety, but I’ve been trying to work through them. I have spoken to him and set some boundaries as I’ve realised I have some unresolved childhood trauma and he doesn’t like it. I feel as if he’s punishing me for finally taking control of my life and trying to feel better[/quote]
In the nicest possible way he is not going to change. Why would he? He has a lovely life with you servicing him and taking care of the house and kids while he gets loads of free time.

Unfortunately you are either going to need to leave or accept it (or at the very least put a rocket up him and give him an ultimatum before actually leaving)