If you were left £450k inheritance, would you give your adult children something?

(547 Posts)
Jinnybean Wed 13-Oct-21 12:39:09

Mil has been left a large sum. She’s always said that she will give Dh £10k.

It’s been nearly a year and she hasn’t mentioned it at all. We know she had the money a month ago.

I can’t imagine having that much money are not helping my children/grandchildren out. She is mortgage free.

Would you help your Dc out?

OP’s posts: |
DrSbaitso Wed 13-Oct-21 12:40:40

Unless there were very specific circumstances to make me do otherwise, yes of course I would.

Is there a reason he can't ask her about it?

Jinnybean Wed 13-Oct-21 12:41:31

He doesn’t like to talk money and if asked she will go all defensive about how it was grandads money.

OP’s posts: |
fuckitbucket16 Wed 13-Oct-21 12:42:08

Unless I had good reason to believe they would piss it up the wall, yes I would.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Wed 13-Oct-21 12:42:51

yes of course- if mortgage free Id do more than just give them money, Id arrange a big family holiday somewhere, lots of days out with (hopefully) grandkids etc.
Look if someone is a miser and has never enjoyed money, they never will!

HerRoyalNotness Wed 13-Oct-21 12:42:53

Yes I would

Disappointing that she said she would give a small share and then didn’t

PinkCricket Wed 13-Oct-21 12:43:34

My dad wouldnt. He is reasonably well off (2 x ski holidays over xmas, retired at 50) . He is not generous.


lastqueenofscotland Wed 13-Oct-21 12:44:00

It depends. I guess if it was to last 15/20 years of retirement it’s not a huge amount?
My mother had a huge inheritance (not sure of exact figure but was well into 7 figures). She gave me and my siblings £150k each but we didn’t expect it by any means.

DrSbaitso Wed 13-Oct-21 12:44:20


He doesn’t like to talk money and if asked she will go all defensive about how it was grandads money.

Well, it has to come from him as she's his mother, not yours. If he won't talk to her about it then I can't really think of anything else to do.

Better to assume you're not getting anything and plan on that basis. If she surprises you, great.

Horst Wed 13-Oct-21 12:44:28

If I had 450k and didn’t need to say use it all to pay off my own house. Yes definitely I’d easily give each child say 20-30k house deposits or lumps to pay some off existing mortgages.

Money is for the living no point stashing it away for death. If my children didn’t need the money then I’d lock it in trusts for the grandchildren for uni/car/house deposits.

mygenericusername Wed 13-Oct-21 12:46:54

My parents are very much like this. I’ll get it one day apparently but in reality it will be pissed up the wall on care home fees. I’ve planned for zero inheritance.

Lifeinthescratcher Wed 13-Oct-21 12:47:31

If I was mortgage free of course.

Campervan69 Wed 13-Oct-21 12:49:44

Definitely. It is so much more useful when you are young. My brother and I got a large inheritance from my aunt because my father had pre-deceased us so it automatically went to us. It changed both our lives for the better. I know if he had been alive he would have hoarded the lot and it would have sat in a bank. Much better to use money to improve your life than hoard it IMO.

RedMarauder Wed 13-Oct-21 12:50:39


What does he need the money for?

If he needs it for a house deposit or to pay tuition fees on a course that will get him a better paying job then "Yes". If he hasn't got any specific plans with the money then "No".

LittleMysSister Wed 13-Oct-21 12:51:44

I think it depends. My DP's parents are very open with giving money and immediately gave him and his brother a chunk when they inherited upon his nan's death last year.

However my own parents talk a lot about what we'll get when they're gone but never gift us money. In fairness, they haven't inherited anything in my adult life, but my mum has quite a bit in savings and has never been forthcoming even when my sister and I were buying our first homes, and more recently when my sister has been planning her wedding, though they did give some in the end.

I just think some prefer to sit on it until they can pass it on themselves in a will and it won't effect them.

yoyo1234 Wed 13-Oct-21 12:51:45

Yes, I like to think I would give most to my DC or if I have them by then GC.

LemonTT Wed 13-Oct-21 12:51:55

She only got it a month ago. Why the angst?

I would be able to afford to share my inheritance in these circumstances. Some people may need it to support retirement. It’s not a lot as a pension fund.

Would be deterred in giving money if DIL posted about it on SM after a month.

Wegobshite Wed 13-Oct-21 12:51:56

Well my parents left just under 200k to me but I had them change the will so that my son gets it instead
There are a few clauses He has to use a big chunk of it for a deposit for a house and a new car but I had no problem with it

Flossieskeeper Wed 13-Oct-21 12:52:08

@mygenericusername same here.
If I get anything it will be passed to dc as it’s likely to be the best way they get a house deposit together. That said I wouldn’t just hand it over if they are still teens with no plans! Certainly I. Their twenties it would be passed on as a way to help them.

VladmirsPoutine Wed 13-Oct-21 12:53:12

I would but then the some family dynamics are very bizarre. She might eventually give him something or might just use it all herself. She might use it as a power trip and lord it over you both. Who knows. I'd just leave her to it.

SpeakingFranglais Wed 13-Oct-21 12:53:21

Of course I would, but I wouldn’t just go “here’s 10k for you to spend on whatever you want”

It would
Be more of a “look your cars on its last legs, I’ll buy you a new one to the value of…” or “looks here’s 10k towards your house deposit or new kitchen”

480Widdio Wed 13-Oct-21 12:53:29

Her money to do what she likes with,if she has only had it a month perhaps she will give it to him at Christmas.

NoBetterthanSheShouldBe Wed 13-Oct-21 12:54:05

I would give them a percentage but they would never expect it or ask.

Mindymomo Wed 13-Oct-21 12:54:09

DH and I inherited similar amount and have 2 adult sons who live at home with us. We will help them if and when they move out or get married, but not until then as we are both retired, but a good few years before we get our pensions, which won’t be much. We don’t charge them any rent and pay for all food. We did buy their first cars and paid their driving fees and gave them money I had saved for them both.

Cruiser11 Wed 13-Oct-21 12:55:12

I inherited 100k and bought a flat for my eldest DC using 70k of the inheritance as a deposit. I have 2 other DC who are early 20’s and I’ve put the rest away for them for when they need it, wedding, flat, car etc. I spend the money I make on the 30k on myself.

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