So angry at dh. Aibu?

[Whatwentwronghere]

Just put our 3yo to bed after a day filled with tantrums and stress.

He had been laying down in bed on top of the duvet on his phone while I got her sorted. I came in and lay down on the bed across the bottom.

I just lay on my front facing away from him and started to drift off. I never nap and find it so hard to sleep in general, definitely bordering on insomnia. So I'm lying down and feel myself drifting off.

Cue dh, '*my name, my name, wakey wakey'.

I ignored him.

2 minutes later her puts his foot on my bum and shakes it to wake me up.

Aibu to be absolutely furious at him? He's at football tonight so it makes no difference to him if I'm awake or not.

I'm just so angry at how inconsiderate it is. If he fell asleep, like he did at lunchtime on the sofa, I don't disturb him.

Now I'm wide awake but exhausted. Ugh.

[GloomAndDoom]

Did you ask why he woke you?

[Sexnotgender]

What a tool. Why would he do that 🙄

[Chewieboora]

But would you sleep tonight if you napped just now? I wouldn't and would have preferred DH to wake me up in the same situation. If he knows you'd have rather slept YANBU.

[WorriedGiraffe]

Maybe he didn’t realise you meant to fall asleep? Particularly since you never nap. He doesn’t sound like a mind reader and you may have wanted your evening to watch tv etc. Sorry you’ve had a rubbish day, bad toddler days are rough, hopefully tomorrow will be a better one

[Whatwentwronghere]

He said he was checking if I was OK.

He knew I was tired as I said when I came into the room. So why he thought he needed to disturb me is just totally perplexing. It makes no sense

[YouBringLightInToADarkPlace]

Presumably if you were lying across the bottom of the bed he thought you would want to be actually in the bed asleep? I think yabu, this may seem irritating but in the scheme of things not very important.

[Whatwentwronghere]

I just feel like it should have been obvious that I would have been more ok if he left me.

I don't really sleep well at anytime so if I do drift off like that it's really quite a rare treat.

[LtDansLegs]

If you wanted to nap wouldn't you have got into the bed properly? If my DP laid out across to bottom of the bed and appeared silent (perhaps asleep) I'd check he was okay too, and make sure he wasn't going to roll off!


Your day sounds quite stressful, and if you're tried already you'll find things more annoying than if you had been well rested! It doesn't seem malicious, you just seem to be really annoyed by it. Hopefully you can get a good sleep tonight!

[Zarene]

I'd find it weird if my DH didn't check on me on those circs 🤷‍♀️

[WheelieBinPrincess]

No, I’d lynch DH if he did that to me in the circumstances. ‘Wakey wakey’?! Fuck off.

[GloomAndDoom]

Have you tried listening to sleep hypnosis on you tube?

[2lsinllama]

How long till he goes out? My DH would have woken me to tell me he was leaving and to try to get me into a better sleeping position.
Does he help at all with the toddler? If he is out tonight, didn’t help with bedtime and was asleep at lunchtime then is he given you enough/any support?

[anonymousanne]

I'm with you OP. I empathise as have a 2 1/2 year old who can be challenging in the day and an 11 month old who likes to be fed all night. Sleep in this house isn't guaranteed so if I find a quiet time to nod off I'd be livid if woken without a good cause! Hope you get a decent night tonight

[mathanxiety]

'Wakey wakey' doesn't sound to me like what someone would say if they had any concern about you. It sounds more like a childish prank along the lines of 'Haha, I woke you up'.

Tell your H that you are bone tired and will tell him if anything is wrong apart from tiredness. No need to 'check'.

I note he's out at football tonight. Playing or spectating?
What time off do you get for fun or exercise?

You need to go to your doctor and try to address the insomnia.

[ReadyForMaternityLeave]

I feel like this is less about him waking you up and more about him being laid on the bed on his phone while you got DC ready for bed after a day full of tantrums and stress...?

[AttaGirrrrl]

Tbh, I’d want my DP to wake me in those circumstances, “come on Atta, get up, clean your teeth, get in properly if you want a sleep”

If you’d stayed asleep across the bottom of the bed, he’d have woken you up getting ready for footie - or coming back.

[TakemedowntoPotatoCity]

Nice that he was lying on the bed checking his phone while you were putting the 3yo to sleep, too.

[SummaLuvin]

You say you were laying across the bottom of the bed, to me this would indicate you weren't settling in for the night and unintentionally nodded off. Also, if that was your intent it is inconsiderate of your DH, how will he sleep when you are across the bottom over the duvet?

[mellicauli]

that is annoying, Have you tried vitamin D supplements? Deficiency causes poor sleep and is very common seeing as we all missed out on the sun this year. My SiL said it transformed her sleep.

[altiara]

I’d wake someone up if they were lying at the bottom of the bed. Doesn’t seem the best place to sleep.

Also if I fell asleep at lunchtime, I would want you wake me up so I slept at a ‘normal’ time. You’re assuming you’re always right in the napping scenarios whereas I’d say the opposite.

So I think you’re being unreasonable unless you’ve made it clear to your DH that if you nap then to let you nap.

[InTheNightWeWillWish]

I’d be pissed off if DH woke me but under the circumstances (napping in the evening and not in a comfortable position) I would get why he woke me. I wouldn’t be happy and I’d probably be an utter cow for the rest of the evening but I could acknowledge he was right (and that would be partly leading to the grumpiness). However, I know DH wouldn’t wake me up if I fell asleep in the middle of the day unless we were going out or I was in an uncomfortable position. He’s told me to go to bed before now and have a nap. Would your partner wake you if it’d been 2pm and you were more comfortable? If so, he’s a selfish prick.

[Whatwentwronghere]

I used to take vitamin d l, should start again really with winter on its way. It wasn't our 3yo, but our 2 yo who was having tantrums all day so safe to say they keep me busy.

I agree, if I was worried about him I'd just ask are you ok, not wakey wakey.

He has since added it was because he thought I'd want to be downstairs and he needed to get down too.

So essentially because the gaps down the sides of our bed are quite narrow and my work desk meets the bottom corner on his side, he couldn't be bothered to awkwardly roll out on my side and scooch past, he just thought he'd move the obstacle at the bottom of the bed instead; me.

He's not bad with the kids and does chip in but I get 0 time to myself. He's gone now and I'm downstairs feeling robbed of my nice rest.

[TintinIsBack]

The ‘wakey wakey’ says very clearly he wasn’t checking on you out of care for you.

[LorenzoVonMatterhorn]

Do neither of you work? How was he napping during the day and you know? And im really confused why you just led across the bottom of the bed if you wanted a nap???

If you're exhausted go to bed.

[LorenzoVonMatterhorn]

He's not bad with the kids and does chip in but I get 0 time to myself.

Why not? Why are you not making any plans to go out without the children?