I need perspective on this situation with DSs GF

(142 Posts)
CrazyHorse Sun 26-Sep-21 21:26:32

For background I have two DC - 16yo DD and 18yo DS. Both of them have part time jobs at the company. The company has several stores, and DS has also been working at a store an hour away, where he met his new GF (it's been a few weeks). Other people from our town store have also worked there, so a few of them have got to know each other, but DD has never worked with DSs GF, and has never actually met her.

Last weekend 18 yo DS invited his GF to stay over Friday evening until Sunday. He told us this. As he was working on the Saturday, she would be spending the day in his room, as there are no buses or trains between out town and her town, so she needed DS to drive her.

The thing is, she's so shy she's never said hello to us. The times I've tried to engage with her, eye contact is avoided and she walks off.

On Saturday DD and I were planning on going shopping at a big shopping outlet. DS had explained previously the only thing his GF likes to do is wear little dresses and go out for dinner and also go shopping, so this retail outlet sounded just up her street, andI suggested she could come with us. Through DS she declined to come with us (not surprising if she's shy) and DS said she was meeting up with a friend from
from our town she'd met through work, on Saturday.

On Saturday morning DD and I decided to go out shopping after lunch, partly as I wanted to clean the house. I had a shower, and wasn't sure if the GF had gone out while I was in the shower.It was a bit awkward as I wanted to vacuum, but also I didn't want to go in to DSs room check if she was still there, incase she was sleeping and disturbed her. Nobody wants their boyfriends mum peering at them while they're asleep. DD called into the room offering tea/coffee, but no reply so we figured she had gone out, although I didn't Hoover as I wasn't 100% sure.

I got on with house work, DD got on with her homework. She also practiced her instrument, as she normally would on a Saturday morning.

Apparently the GF hadn't gone out and did spend the day in DSs room (DH heard her moving around after I'd gone out, and called in offering lunch, but again no reply. ) I get it, she's shy, and didn't want to have lunch with her boyfriends dad, but a "no thanks I'm fine" wouldn't have killed her.

I have told DS if she left her shoes by the from door like his previous GFs I'd know of she was in the house or not.

So this weekend DD has gone to her part time job, and is now bing referred to as "trumpet girl", as the GF has told her friends who work there that DD disturbed her by playing the trumpet when she was at our house .

DD doesn't care that she's now known as "trumpet girl" but I think it's bloody rude.

Is it me? AIBU to be irritated by the GF? Should I say anything to DS?

OP’s posts: |
PermanentTemporary Sun 26-Sep-21 21:28:35

1. Yes fine to be irritated
2. No don't say anything

She sounds a pain in the arse and let's hope she doesn't last long.

GoodnightGrandma Sun 26-Sep-21 21:29:13

She is rude, and if that’s how she behaves she’d not be staying again.

Quartz2208 Sun 26-Sep-21 21:30:50

Agree its rude and irritating.

Talking to your DS wont get you anywhere. Does he know of the rumours

BornIn78 Sun 26-Sep-21 21:31:27

I’d be telling DS that if his girlfriend can’t muster up the most basic courtesy of even saying “hello, then she can’t come over, much less spend the day in his bedroom ignoring the household then bitching about them afterwards.

Awomanwalksintoabar Sun 26-Sep-21 21:31:59

God, I couldn’t be doing with any of that. I think you’re more than patient. Don’t say anything to DS though. He’d leap to her defence. Hopefully she won’t last long.

Northernparent68 Sun 26-Sep-21 21:32:14

Yees, say something. Like she’s rude and is banned from my house

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Mammaaof Sun 26-Sep-21 21:32:45

Very rude! She can't be that shy if she can slag off your DD to people she works with! 🙁

Brollywasntneededafterall Sun 26-Sep-21 21:33:59

Urgh ds had a gf like this... One day she stayed when ds went to work. Then she left and took the key to ds's room with her!! I went spare!!
Another morning dh was doing the washing up. She walked past him in silence, made herself a cuppa. Went off drank it then dropped her cup in the water for dh!!
angryhe was seething!! Told ds she wasn't to be there if her wasn't.

Malhao Sun 26-Sep-21 21:35:37

Perhaps your daughter could talk to her boss about this (this is not only an invasion of privacy but work place harassment)

Aquamarine1029 Sun 26-Sep-21 21:35:44

I'd be telling your son that his rude "friend" will not be staying in my home again.

DrinkFeckArseBrick Sun 26-Sep-21 21:36:36

I couldnt not say something! I'd refrain from 'what a rude cow you're dating' and either state facts 'your sister is being called trumpet girl' or how you feel 'I find it a bit disconcerting not knowing if someone is in the house or not, what would happen if there was a fire? I feel like I am responsible for teens staying in my house which makes me feel uneasy if they don't respond at all - how would I know if she was ill?

1FootInTheRave Sun 26-Sep-21 21:36:53

Rude cow.

Stormwhale Sun 26-Sep-21 21:37:13

Wow if she can't have basic manners she would not be welcome in my home. I also would not be happy about her bitching about dd either. I would be telling ds she is not welcome unless he is there with her and can ensure she behaves in a decent manner.

Spindrifting Sun 26-Sep-21 21:37:56

If I have a house guest, they need to reply to direct questions and make occasional eye contact, not lurk invisibly in a room ignoring me and complaining about being disturbed.

Suggest to your DS that if she’s that socially anxious she’s probably not able to stay over. The shock of normal life might kill her.

Mistressofnone Sun 26-Sep-21 21:40:03

That's terribly rude. Your poor DD! Maybe you and DD come up with a nice little nickname for her and say it extra loud if she hasn't made her presence known next time. Hopefully your DS will become wise to it soon.

converseandjeans Sun 26-Sep-21 21:42:32

I think that's rude - she can't be that shy if she speaks to her work mates enough to take the piss out of DD.

Also her hobby is wearing tiny dresses & going shopping 🤷🏻‍♀️

I wouldn't want her staying over again. Maybe DS can stay at hers next weekend?

gailplattshairbrush Sun 26-Sep-21 21:42:38

I wouldn't allow someone in my house who made me feel uncomfortable. And it would make me feel uncomfortable to know someone was lurking about, unwilling to even make the most basic effort of saying hello and then slag my other child off in their workplace. She can't be that shy if she's brazen enough to take the piss out of her boyfriends sister after spending a weekend in her house.

Your ds probably won't be interested in the details so I'd just say a blanket no to her staying again and if he asks why then tell him why you're unhappy with it.

Aquamarine1029 Sun 26-Sep-21 21:42:41

Your son needs to see from you that there are standards of behaviour that must be upheld by the people we allow into our lives. This girl is a rude little twit and she should not be allowed back.

WellLarDeDar Sun 26-Sep-21 21:43:02

Shy is one thing, but rude is another and I think she was rude to you and your family. I wouldn't let her stay again after that to be honest. It wouldn't kill her to say hello, please and thank you and thanks for letting me stay.
Good on your dd for not letting it bother her but it's still out of order. I would ask your DS if he's aware of the comments that DD is now receiving from work as a result of it. I don't think this girl sounds like a nice person.

skeemee Sun 26-Sep-21 21:43:14

I wouldn’t let her stay again unless your DS is home. If he goes to work, she leaves at same time. He can drop her off somewhere if necessary. Common courtesy and you can get on with your normal life without worrying about a complete stranger hiding in your DS bedroom.

She is playing the “shy” card, then talking about you to all her mates. Stuff that!

Veryverycalmnow Sun 26-Sep-21 21:44:47

She's seriously lacking social skills. Really rude. I have a feeling this is just the tip of the iceberg and more will follow if it is just left.

Ragwort Sun 26-Sep-21 21:45:25

Why do even tolerate your DS having a GF 'of a few weeks' staying over? Are you so desperate to be a "cool mum". My DS is 20 and has never expected a GF to 'sleep over'.

This young woman is incredibly rude and I would make it clear to your DS that she is not welcome to stay over again, tough if he doesn't like it, he should have more respect for his own family than allow someone to treat them so rudely.

If she is so shy that she cannot even make normal civil conversation then she should not have accepted an invitation to stay at your house,

DressBitch Sun 26-Sep-21 21:45:39

She works in a shop. Within weeks she's comfortable enough with your son to stay over. She's making fun of your daughter to colleagues.

She's not shy. She's a rude bitch.

whynotwhatknot Sun 26-Sep-21 21:45:52

shes a rude madam and no thanksor please wouldnt hurt her

sounds like shes confident enough to slag people off so im not buying the shy thing

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