Partner’s ex wife what do I do!

(167 Posts)
Mamana127 Sun 26-Sep-21 18:29:15

May I please have some advice from people who have dealt with with. I’ve been with my partner 6 years. We met 1 year of him being single and living alone. We have a 3 year little girl together. He has his own place while I have mine, but he spends majority of his time at mine.
When I got pregnant Ex wife went all crazy saying he promised not to have kids with anyone else, she denied him access from seeing his two girls 19&20 yrs for one year until the girls reached out themselves. Fast forward they now see their dad but only at his place. Meaning he has to go back there each time they say they want to come. They also didn’t want to know our little one until recently when she turned 3.
Now my problem is the ex. I have tolerated her for too long I don’t know what to do. She calls and txts my partner asking him to go and fix things there, feed the cats when she is away, put things up etc.. now the most recent one was she sent a txt asking my partner to promise that his will will only leave everything to their two girls and he won’t change it forever. Because her will says the same. She says their wills should be the same. My partner relied and said no he has changed his will and has included our little one on it. She said she understands but can my partner promise that majority will go to their girls? And “no one else” He didn’t reply.
I’m so angry 😡 what has his will got to do with her? I want to talk to him about it but I don’t know what to say.
During their split he left her everything. The house, the savings everything and left with his pension. She is now saying she feels she will be poor when she gets old as the house will go to their children blah… he is giving her financial advice and tries to help her.
I have never met this woman and I’ve really stayed away from all her drama.
She has called me names I cannot begin to write here. I just simply ignored. Have I ignored too much.
I’m I out of order to want to chat to my partner about this?

OP’s posts: |
seaandsandcastles Sun 26-Sep-21 18:33:15

If the kids were 19 and 20 when you split then she didn’t block access; his adult children decided not to see him for whatever reason.

Also if you’re a family with a child, why don’t you live together?

Some red flags here.

WandaVision2 Sun 26-Sep-21 18:35:00

You have a DP problem

Dinoroaraus Sun 26-Sep-21 18:37:08

Can you ask him not to tell you these things?

Pebbledashery Sun 26-Sep-21 18:37:19

You have a huge DP problem. If he respected you, he wouldn't allow her to treat you like this. He needs a backbone.

ivykaty44 Sun 26-Sep-21 18:37:28

he's still pandering to his ex, your in a relationship with 3 of you

LittleGwyneth Sun 26-Sep-21 18:38:28

This needs to be sorted out by him, not by you. I agree it's odd that she asks him to come over and do jobs for him, but he needs to set the boundary and say no.

I would flag that I don't think it's likely she denied him access to his kids if they were 19 and 20 at the time, as you can't block access to children over the age of 18. Unless they were younger then? But even so, with teenagers it's quite difficult to actually block access.

It is laughable that she doesn't want him to split his assets equally between his children, but he should just tell her that it's going to be divided between all this children and he's not willing to discuss it. Or tell her what she wants to hear, it's not as if she can do anything about it.

You need to try and stay calm and stay out of it. She's not your ex and she's not your problem.


Wheelerdeeler Sun 26-Sep-21 18:39:50

There is absolutely no need for him to be in touch with her

Carolloveswine Sun 26-Sep-21 18:40:00

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

pelosi Sun 26-Sep-21 18:40:09

YANBU, but you have a partner problem.

Why is he giving this woman any time?! The children are grown up!

Is this why you’re not married, because your property/assets would be shared and that would make ex angry?

Blanca87 Sun 26-Sep-21 18:41:52

Does he contribute financially to the child you both have? You say he is mostly at yours does he contribute to food etc?

CallMeNutribullet Sun 26-Sep-21 18:43:03

Op his children are adults, this woman is still in your life because that's what your DP chooses

Eralos Sun 26-Sep-21 18:43:36

She’s clearly bitter, just ignore ignore ignore.

starrynight21 Sun 26-Sep-21 18:45:54

If you've never met her, how do you know what she says about you? Oh yes, DH tells you. Which is very disrespectful - sounds like he rather enjoys playing this nasty game of "guess what she said about you". As others have said, you haven't got an ex problem, you've got a DH problem.

If his daughters were 15 and 16 when you got pregnant , she couldn't block access - kids of that age can see both their parents when they like. I think he was telling you a few porkies . And all this "she has texted so he has to feed the cats / go over and fix things" is nonsense. He doesn't have to do any of that stuff. Sounds like he just likes having a relationship with her and you as well.

GinIronic Sun 26-Sep-21 18:47:08

Why is he in touch with her? Their joint children are adults and their marriage is over. This makes no sense to me.

BlueSussex Sun 26-Sep-21 18:48:08

Agree you have a DP problem.

He just isn't that into you.

Mamana127 Sun 26-Sep-21 18:48:53

We are in the process of finding a place big enough for everyone as I have two kids from my first marriage too. Apparently He needs his house to see his girls 🤷🏾‍♂️ Cook for them and spend some time with them. They are fine with me being at his house when they visit but they will not visit him in my house. Also they said they didn’t see him for a year as their mum was upset and didn’t want to let her down.

OP’s posts: |
Newkitchen123 Sun 26-Sep-21 18:49:00

If she's got 2 adult children I'm sure they're capable of feeding the cat
He does not need to be in touch with her

Waxonwaxoff0 Sun 26-Sep-21 18:49:52

So his kids are adults?

Then there's no reason for him to have contact with his ex at all. He could have blocked her number easily and told her not to contact him. Ask yourself why he hasn't done that

ApolloandDaphne Sun 26-Sep-21 18:52:26

Is that the age of his DDs now or the age they were when they split? I read it as them being young teens when the split happened and are adults now.

WTF475878237NC Sun 26-Sep-21 18:53:39

The kids are now 19 and 20? It's time for him to stop pandering to his ex wife but it sounds like he doesn't want to let go of his old life to me.

ILoveCheapCrisps Sun 26-Sep-21 18:54:07

There is no reason for him to still be in contact with her. Tell him to give ex an email address to contact him on if he needs to contact him in an emergency about the girls - get him to set up an alert so he knows when it receives an email. If he is unwilling to do this then he is unwilling to let go of his ex. No ifs or buts, there is no reason for them to be in contact.

It’s been an issue for your entire relationship. Why have you put up with it for so long?

BingBongToTheMoon Sun 26-Sep-21 18:54:32

Ignore her.
I would even encourage your husband to block her number, he has no need to maintain contact with her now their children are adults.

Aquamarine1029 Sun 26-Sep-21 18:57:23

It's interesting that you are seemingly blind to the fact that your partner, if you can even call him that, is 100% the problem. He's not very invested in you, is he? It's like you're the 3rd wheel, honestly.

LakieLady Sun 26-Sep-21 18:58:25

I think you have a DP problem too.

Once his son was an adult, my late DP stopped having any contact with his ex. The only time he responded to a text from her, it was because she'd led him to believe their son was in hospital with a stab wound, when he'd actually had a small cyst removed from his back!

Your DP is still letting her pull his strings and his will is none of her business.

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