Page 10 | To not understand how children bring anyone joy?

(240 Posts)
Bluerainbow86 Sun 26-Sep-21 10:34:53

When I had just dc1 - even though they are the child with additional needs - it wasn’t so bad because I could accommodate them. However their needs became more obvious as they got older and after the birth of dc2 and now I could cheerfully run away and not come back most days.
It is just so relentless. I try and do the nice things with them but it always ends badly. Dc1 complains constantly and is rude. He told me yesterday that my face is ‘ugly, old and disgusting.’
I’m just a bit over it all really.

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Theworldishard Sun 26-Sep-21 10:33:54

Phineyj

You're not wrong but maybe going into it expecting joy is the issue?

Having a baby is portrayed to be this magical, exciting new chapter. The media, other people, society...so women are lured in by this happy family fantasy.

The reality is very different.

Comedycook Sun 26-Sep-21 10:33:54

There are brief moments of joy in amongst the drudgery and tedium

Ponoka7 Sun 26-Sep-21 10:33:34

My children and grandchildren bring me joy. So do the children I babysit. Two of my children has additional needs, my two grandchildren do and so do some of the children who I babysit. It depends on how you define joy, what personally you value and take joy in etc. It's like the campers vs everyone else. Or beach Vs city holidaymakers.

inmyslippers Sun 26-Sep-21 10:33:01

My son brings me joy every day but also stresses me out in equal measure. I'm a firm believer you have kids to make them happy, not yourself

DysmalRadius Sun 26-Sep-21 10:32:50

I'm so sorry that you're feeling like this. I often find it's the little, unexpected things that bring joy in amongst the grunt work, but sometimes you have to really look hard!

GettingUntrapped Sun 26-Sep-21 10:32:41

I think a lot of people are unaware that the hormonal rush of love which brings joy last two to three years max. Then it can be more of a grind as children are naturally demanding and selfish for the most part.
Then there is the responsibility, the worry, the expense, the prison-like conditions and the ever present societal judgement.
It's very hard indeed.

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TreaslakeandBack Sun 26-Sep-21 10:32:00

I was going to say DS brings us so much joy but he’s NT, an only one, I have a brilliant DH and no money worries. Maybe you are right? My friends with more than one seem to enjoy their children too though.

Clarkey86 Sun 26-Sep-21 10:31:01

Children are tough and of course there are joyless times but there are absolutely moments of joy. Seeing the pleasure they get from simple things, the comical things they say, the pure love they show to you.

Autumngoldleaf Sun 26-Sep-21 10:30:16

Op I agree, dd 1 very nt so easy and good!! Over all...

Dd 2 has put us through our paces and nearly everything tailored to her needs. It's exhausting and worrying and she's given me anxiety as has unpredictable behavior. Drained joy out of many holidays... Etc.

Lots and lots of fun and positives too and her needs are not severe by any stretch but yes.. Huge amounts of worry.

TheGrumpyGoat Sun 26-Sep-21 10:30:12

Well… I have 3, the youngest of which has suspected additional needs (he’s 2). I have a hands on husband but we don’t have plenty of cash. I get a lot of joy from them, they’re funny and interesting and lovely.
Sometimes it’s an absolute slog, of course, and I’m usually exhausted. But in the main, I enjoy the time I spend with them. They’re good company.

InvincibleInvisibility Sun 26-Sep-21 10:29:55

I have one with DN and one being tested. A lot of stress, frustration and hard work.

But also we have a lot of fun together. Cycĺing, swimming, walking, baking, reading, playing games...

Phineyj Sun 26-Sep-21 10:28:36

You're not wrong but maybe going into it expecting joy is the issue?

Suitcaseseverywhere Sun 26-Sep-21 10:27:08

Oh I’m sorry you’re finding things so tough.

Bluerainbow86 Sun 26-Sep-21 10:26:23

I know, I know, no other love like it. But that’s not especially positive is it? Because it just leads to worry and stress.
One of my children has additional needs, which likely doesn’t help, but how does anyone ever enjoy anything with their children?
The only way I can see it is possible is if you have one child, NT, hands on partner, plenty of cash.

No other situation seems to lend itself to anything particularly positive.

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