To quit my job tomorrow

[ihatemyjobiwanttoquit]

I’ve been in the job just under six months (still in probation period), it’s a senior technical role in the public sector. I can’t get a straight answer out of anyone. I work alongside another senior engineer who hates our manager (actually she seems to hate everyone, including me). 

I got bollocked last Friday night by my manager (at 9pm) for doing something the way the other senior engineer insisted it should be done (I’d called them both into a meeting earlier that day to check it was ok because I felt uncomfortable dumping work on other teams, they said it was the correct process and to go ahead).

Whatever I do is wrong, this has been the case since day 1. The other engineer either emails me and says ‘don’t ever do this again’ or my manager emails me and says ‘the way you’ve gone about this is wrong’. I don’t do any engineering, I feel like a project manager (a very very bad, incompetent one).

I’ve never just quit before, but my mental health is suffering. I’m pretty tough, I’ve 25 years experience in my job and a good reputation. They pulled a switcheroo on me at final offer stage (after 7 interviews, I should have seen the giant red flag!) and said this role was more suited to my skillset, they’d  head hunted me for another role.

I’m stuck in the middle, losing confidence daily and questioning myself. I feel sick at the thought of another day spent dealing with this bullshit, I just can’t take another kicking in someone else’s war.

AIBU to tell them I quit, I can’t even face working my notice period right now.

[LaurieFairyCake]

Why are you being bollocked for doing it the way they both agreed ?

[Testingprof]

Yanbu. I would probably also ask for an exit interview and highlight what you’ve written here especially the checking the process and then being bollocked for following the process they had agreed to.

[Eeyorehoney]

YANBU

[RestingPandaFace]

If you mental health is suffering and you can cope for a whole without a job then do it.
Life’s too short.

If you have to stay then play them at their own game. Join the union, and start documenting everything. If you have a meeting to agree how something should be done send notes, if you get a bollocking for doing what was agreed ask for the reasons in writing. Make notes and cover your arse every step of the way.

[ConsulTremas]

Not unreasonable but you always have to consider whether you can afford to do so financially and how quickly you are likely to be able to find another job.

[CandyLeBonBon]

I went through a similar situation a few months ago op (different sector but similar problems).

I decided that my mental health was more important. I did make sure I found another job before I handed in my notice and I'm very happy in my new job but I would have quit and worked in Asda (I did this during lockdown, after my work dried up, so not a dig at anyone for working there - just that it's not my career of choice or what I'm trained for ) rather than stay there any longer, so YANBU.

[Tippytaps]

See your GP to explain your work environment is impacting on your mental health. Ask your Gp for a sick note for work stress. Take a couple of days to bring calm back to your life then use the rest of the time to write your CV and apply for new jobs

[seb342]

Run away and don't look back!

I was in a similar situation myself a few years ago and couldn't see a way out. It got so bad I ended up on the sick and I knew I had to leave before my sick paper ran out because I couldn't face going back.

Looking back now I wish I'd left sooner but hindsight is a wonderful thing. Life is too short to be miserable at work and you'll find something else and it will be bigger and better.

[R0tational]

Yes leave. You will begin to feel like yourself again.

[RandomMess]

You know it's them not you.

Do it.

[SpiderinaWingMirror]

Exactly what I did. 2 fuckers playing a "let's see who gets under the bus first".
Driving to work one day, I just thought fuck em.
Cleared my desk, on the beach by lunch

[ColdTattyWaitingForSummer]

Definitely leave but can you get a sick note in the meantime to get some mental space / cover your notice?

[DukeOfEarlGrey]

Definitely do it. I'm just out of a job that I stayed in for too long after it started impacting my mental health. I should have left 18 months earlier which was when it became untenable due to dickheaded behaviour. I'm now doing the hard work of damage repair but haven't regretted quitting for a second - only that I didn't do it sooner.

[Anothernameanothertime]

Can you not go over your managers head?

I’d do that first and then quit if you don’t get anywhere. You might find out they are about to fire one or both of them.

[carrottbaton]

Get out get out.. things will not change and life is too short for that shit.

[ihatemyjobiwanttoquit]

I knew early on that it wasn't a good fit - but I've styled out other much tougher technical jobs and always managed to survive. This one has completely destroyed my self confidence because I just can't understand the politics.

I'm meant to present to stakeholders on Monday and I've not even prepared, I sat all day just thinking I don't need another kicking so why even bother.

Do you think my GP would sign me off sick, I could honestly cry at the thought of going in tomorrow, and there is no way I could present on Monday. I want to just hide in bed and forget about it all, I feel so pathetic

[ihatemyjobiwanttoquit]

Thank you to everyone who has offered their thoughts, it's helpful (but sad) to know that others have been through the same stuff.

[BoredZelda]

Yep leave. I was in a similar situation a few years back. The boss kept claiming I was fucking up, when actually I was trying to rectify his fuck ups. He claimed I just didn’t know my job and said the staff had made complaints about me. I quit without a job to go to for the first time in my life. Best thing I ever did. I was starting to doubt my ability.

I recently bumped into an ex staff member who worked there for another year after I left. He said it was the worst job of his career and it nearly broke him. He said he had raised the complaint, but it was against the boss, not me. The company had lost every single member of staff who was there when I was, except for the boss and his son, and the position I has been filled 4 times since I left 5 years ago.

[tootiredtospeak]

I would definitely leave if you need to however, you could go to HR and say you are considering leaving due to the toxic environment between these two staff members at the very least make your parting gift a grievance raised against them both. Or be bold ask HR to reconsider your position to the job you were head hunted for.

[tootiredtospeak]

Also take tommorow off get your head clear and hold it up high.

[Peppermint81]

Why not have a sickness bug on Monday from a dodgy takeaway!
Either raise this to HR or manager above to give them a chance to address or leave, nothing worse than working with bullies that make you feel shit. Look for another job first (unless you have a lot of savings) as you will then feel better about leaving, plus there's nothing worse then being stuck at home for months looking for work then you really will get depressed!

[ihatemyjobiwanttoquit]

DH earns enough to cover us, we are comfortable if I work but he's happy to pick up the slack so no serious worries about money. He told me to leave after a month but I'm stubborn.

I'm more worried about being a quitter. I've been telling myself that it's my fault and if I work harder I'll be able to win people over. Last Friday night I finally thought nah, I had all bases covered and I don't deserve this.

I'm going to call in sick tomorrow and try and sort my head out over the weekend. But to be honest I just can't face going back, so I guess I'm planning an exit strategy that will limit further damage to my battered self esteem.

[tootiredtospeak]

Fuck it dont obsess over it if you don't need the money. Get to the GP tomorrow with a sick note for 1 month email it to HR with your notice and if were me I would outline what you have said here as your reason. But that's just me people should get what they deserve. Regardless your sanity comes first..

[gofg]

I agree with a pp - run away and don't look back! Honestly, it's not worth dealing with all the stress and the chipping away at your self-confidence. I took voluntary redundancy from a workplace I had come to hate, and even though I have been unable to find another permanent job and have had to survive on temp work and a jobseeker allowance I would do it all over again.

All the best

[MouseRoar]

What tootiredtospeak said. Enjoy your day gift tomorrow 😁