to feel heartbroken about the way life turned out ;(

(188 Posts)
KurtKu Thu 23-Sep-21 16:53:34

this is going to be a sad/self pitying post but I don’t know where else to put this

AIBU to feel heartbroken about the way my life turned out

I was always considered the “smart girl” in school, straight A’s in everything.

I thought I was going to grow up and become a doctor or go to Oxford or Cambridge or a university like that … get married to another man similar to what I’d imagined I’d be like, that’s what I thought my life would be like.

A LOT of things went wrong and ten years later I’m in a minimum wage job where I spend my days wiping poo and doing other jobs like that

Sometimes I think, “how did I get here”. I messed up my A-levels and got BBCD, I messed up my degree and got a 2:2. It wasn’t 100% my fault, the thing about A-levels, I became ill during my last year of sixth form and my illness affected me by giving me headaches and making my head feel foggy and cloudy so I couldn’t think straight. This carried on during my undergraduate where my head felt foggy until final year. I should have told my doctor about all this tbh but I chose to suffer in silence and not tell anybody. Anyway I did a masters recently to try to make up for this but I still feel terrible on the inside, almost nauseous at what my life is, especially compared to everyone else I left school with. Sometimes I just wish I could swap my life for theirs. I feel like a loser and embarrassed about who I am and what I’ve become. This isn’t a joke, I honestly just feel very, very awful my life never came to look like what I thought it would look like, when I think about my age and where I am I feel a mixture of sadness that almost makes me feel nauseous at the same time. Once again, don’t come in with jokes because I am 100% not joking I just have no where else to go with this.

OP’s posts: |
RedHelenB Thu 23-Sep-21 16:56:58

You've got a degree and decent A levels so absolutely no reason you couldn't get a job above minimum wage. Academics aren't they be all and end all when getting a job and even if you got straights As at A level you still might not have got to Oxford or into medical school.

What is doing a masters going to change job wise?

Magicalwoodlands Thu 23-Sep-21 16:59:42

flowers

I’m not sure why you keep saying it isn’t a joke, I don’t see anything in your post to suggest that it is. To be honest I think this sort of thing is more common than you might think.

I do think you need a definite plan of action beyond a Masters, though. That’s not to say it can’t be helpful but I think ideally it should be linked to something career wise.

KurtKu Thu 23-Sep-21 17:01:09

You’re right @RedHelenB I just needed to get this out there.

I thought a masters degree would at least make the 2:2 look better or not as bad but it’s not working and I’ve been rejected from everything I’ve applied to so far, which means I’m stuck in my current minimum wage job

OP’s posts: |
HelplessProcrastinator Thu 23-Sep-21 17:02:06

My A-level grades were much worse than yours. With hindsight I was depressed in my teens and self medicated with drink and drugs. I did well in my degree but didn’t manage to do anything with it. After uni I got an entry level office job and trained to be an accountant. You can always turn your life around. You are clearly articulate and intelligent so why not get into an office environment where we can progress?

KurtKu Thu 23-Sep-21 17:02:44

Magicalwoodlands

flowers

I’m not sure why you keep saying it isn’t a joke, I don’t see anything in your post to suggest that it is. To be honest I think this sort of thing is more common than you might think.

I do think you need a definite plan of action beyond a Masters, though. That’s not to say it can’t be helpful but I think ideally it should be linked to something career wise.

Thanks for your message star

I kept writing it’s not a joke because sometimes I’ve read posts on here where people post personal situations and some people here think it’s not real

OP’s posts: |
Berkeys Thu 23-Sep-21 17:03:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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TheOpen Thu 23-Sep-21 17:03:58

Hey @KurtKu, I totally sympathise... things in my life didn't go to plan either. How old are you?

I don't think it's wrong to feel sorry for yourself now and then. It's part of being honest with yourself.
But, if it stops you moving forward maybe it's time to also make a plan.
You could self refer to a counsellor / IAPT service if you feel you're mental health is suffering as a result.

What do want to focus on? It might be social life, relationships, work, health, house etc. I try to pick one area to focus on when I'm feeling overwhelmed.

jugglingduty Thu 23-Sep-21 17:04:24

No mockery from me either OP, I can see why you'd feel sad. I was also a straight A student who did very well at uni but found that grades didn't translate to employability.

Could you try temp work in offices? That's how both DH and I eventually got into our careers really.

KurtKu Thu 23-Sep-21 17:04:33

Thanks @Berkeys daffodil

OP’s posts: |
MujeresLibres Thu 23-Sep-21 17:04:46

It's a tough job market at the moment. Keep at it, I've just got a job in a new field and I was looking for ages.

Merryoldgoat Thu 23-Sep-21 17:05:04

What you describe isn’t a fuck up - it’s unfortunate but you did fine.

What I suspect you’re finding is a degree isn’t a passport to a career unless you do a vocational degree.

What do you actually want? You must only be about 32 - that’s massively young. You could even go into medicine as a mature student. I know two people who did it a bit later.

SoloISland Thu 23-Sep-21 17:05:10

OP, how old are you please?

Reading the title I thought you must be like me nearly eighty.. From what you say?

Come on now!

See your GP please.

Anonymouseposter Thu 23-Sep-21 17:07:20

How old are you now?
What would you really like to do?
What responsibilities do you have that would be barriers?
You can't change what has already happened, you can only start from where you are now.
Are there any changes you can make.
You might not be able to get to exactly where you would want to be but you may be able to make improvements to your situation.

Crumpledpancake Thu 23-Sep-21 17:09:00

I can relate. I have a degree too, and a min wage job. I just never had the confidence to go for a better job, I assumed I was never going to be as good as or better than other applicants.
People where I work say things like "what are you doing here??" And I think "because I'm a loser with really really low self esteem and I'm terrified of rejection".
But life isn't all about money. I know lots of people in better jobs that are miserable also.
I try and look at what I have got. I've got a husband (he's not perfect but he loves me), and a daughter who is healthy and happy. Everything else is just icing on the cake.

KurtKu Thu 23-Sep-21 17:10:35

Thanks everyone and to @SoloISland and @Anonymouseposter my age is late twenties but I’d rather not say exactly. It might not seem that old but it’s easy to feel down when I see everyone else I went to school with and where they are compared to where I am sad

I will follow all your advice though and keep looking for a job

OP’s posts: |
backoffice Thu 23-Sep-21 17:13:03

What sort of job do you want? Find some female
Mentors in the industry you want to break into and use them for advice and help. You are very young. I’ve just changed career in my forties and I’m loving it! Don’t despair.

hamstersarse Thu 23-Sep-21 17:13:36

You aren't dead yet?

Life is a journey, it's never too late and all that blah

Get a grip women and reignite your ambition

notanothertakeaway Thu 23-Sep-21 17:14:59

I think it's natural to think "what if" and to have some regrets. I thought I might end up living overseas at some point, but it didn't happen

And it's not always helpful to compare yourself with other people

Maybe worth speaking to a careers adviser, look at volunteering in a field that interests you, or see if you can use your current role as a springboard to something else eg if you are a carer, would you be interested to move into nursing?

Guineapigbridge Thu 23-Sep-21 17:15:03

Consider getting a coach or career counselor, if you can afford it? For example someone who specialises in Strengths evaluation. It will be an investment in your bright future.

SummerintheCity2021 Thu 23-Sep-21 17:15:55

Your grades are fine for lots of professional jobs.

notanothertakeaway Thu 23-Sep-21 17:16:05

Oh and, late 20s is definitely not too late to take some night classes, return to studying, or take other steps to change direction / improve your circumstances

HerRoyalNotness Thu 23-Sep-21 17:16:37

My life is different from what I thought too. I’m doing my first degree and have been unemployed for several years. The job market is hard, I don’t even get interviews from applications.

What is your degree and masters in? Maybe there are other avenues of work they can open up from what you are applying for.

UndertheCedartree Thu 23-Sep-21 17:17:30

I feel like this too. I have struggled my whole life and now know I have Autism and Emotionally Unstable Personal Disorder. If I'd had support when I was younger maybe things would have been better.

I'm not sure how old you are and also if you are still unwell? What barriers are there to you fulfilling your dreams?

Possomcandle Thu 23-Sep-21 17:18:42

I know it is easier said than done but try yo take a step back and think about what you would say yo a friend in this situation.

Despite being chronically unwell you achieved A levels and a 2:2 at degree level. That shows resilience.

You have subsequently completed a masters. That shows a good level of intelligence and commitment.

You are holding down a low paid but gard work job. That shows that you are a grafter.

You are young and you have so many skills to enable you to get to where you want to be.

Don't rush it but keep making steps to move towards it. You are getting there.

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