God where to start with this.
I come from a family where virtually nothing was ever discussed about our family background. All I know is a threadbare mishmash of bits and pieces I've scraped together from the very rare times they did mention something, old documents I've found in the house, and the odd chat with more open relatives.
As someone with a fascination with history and the past and I've always found it incredibly frustrating how little I know about my own family background. This is part and parcel of wider attitude my parents have of brushing any 'awkward' issue under the carpet and pretending it doesn't exist, which caused huge problems as me and my siblings were growing up. My mother in particular is a complete doormat and has spent her life being pushed around by all and sundry as she hates 'causing a fuss' or 'not being nice to people'. My father's attitude to any family drama or argument was to get angry and then sulk in his room until we just shut up about it and never mentioned it again.
My mother was adopted, which is something I didn't even know until I was 12 when I chanced across some old documents. When I asked her about this, she said she never pursued looking for the birth parents as she 'didn't want to upset her adoptive mother'. I recently discovered some further documents on this with more details, and via these (and Facebook) have managed to track down some of her biological relatives. However my mom seems completely uninterested and keeps mithering about 'not upsetting people' (even though these relatives seemed overjoyed to discover they had new relatives and were only upset they didn't know). My dad has not said anything, but his silence (usually he sends a check-in text every days) suggests that as usual he is sulking about the fact that I've dared to rock the boat on this issue.
As for him, there is a massive issue with his grandparents - something to do with them having their kids (i.e. his parents) taken out of their custody. The details of this I've never been able to work out, and of course he's never told me anything about it.
I could go on, but AIBU to want to carry on researching my family tree and know the truth? This massive gap in my knowledge has been gnawing away at me all my life, and even if my parents aren't interested I am, and it is as much my history as theirs surely? Ok, so there may be some upsetting revelations, however my attitude has always been that the truth is more important than 'not upsetting people', or protecting people's personal psychological hang-ups and avoidance strategies. Am I being selfish?
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AIBU?
AIBU to be infuriated with my parent's stonewalling/non-cooperation as I research our family history??
373 replies
belfastlass · 22/09/2021 23:57
OP posts:
Am I being unreasonable?
1209 votes. Final results.
POLL
You are being unreasonable
89%
You are NOT being unreasonable
11%
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