OH says I'm deceitful

[morecheeseplz]

I've not been having much sleep (first trimester insomnia) and the whole house has come down with a cold since the kids have been back at school, so I haven't been on top form.

I popped out on Monday to take mum to the shops and I was supposed to bring the registration forms into the GP. As we have just moved a little further up the road and are now out of the catchment area.

Anyhoo OH has just asked me whether the kids would be registered at the new gp yet as I took it in Monday. I thought oh crap as I completely forgot and they are still in the car.

He has gone mad calling me all names under sun and that I'm deceitful, I said I can't be deceitful because I never said I did do it.

AIBU? The kids are still registered at the old GP it was a simple mistake and he's making a big deal out of it.

[girlmom21]

He's being a massive twat. Does he normally start making wild accusations when you make minor oversights?

[DarceyDashwood]

Tell him to sort it out himself

[Muttly]

That is a very weird overreach, is he prone to throwing untrue accusations out to you? If so watch out that kind of behaviour starts you walking on eggshells and questioning yourself. Mind yourself especially while you are pregnant.

[Glssr195726113493]

What the fuck is wrong with him? He’s a twat.

[AntiSocialDistancer]

Hard to tell from one incident of course, but this sounds abusive.

To start accusing you of being deceitful? Is it because you said you would do it and didnt, he thinks you are deceitful? I suppose he is normally very unforgiving over errors? Washing not done, or not being back at the time you promised?

It isn't normal

[Fluffypastelslippers]

Your man is a prick. The usual response would be:

'Oh, I totally forgot - I will do it tomorrow/whichever day'

'what are you like, haha

Or

'Oh, I totally forgot - won't get a chance now until next week!'

'what are you like, haha. Do you want me to do it? I can pop down tomorrow/whichever day'

[toomuchlaundry]

Is he often like this?

[morecheeseplz]

Since we've booked the wedding he has gone weird normally he's quite relaxed. But if I make a mistake he is saying oh is this what I am getting myself in for.

@AntiSocialDistancer I guess so he rang me when I was with mum and asked If I had all the ID's and I said yes so I guess he assumed I was going to do it. It just slipped my mind I wasn't feeling well and mum was complaining she hadn't been out for days so I wanted to get her out for a little bit.

[AntiSocialDistancer]

Do you often find yourself afraid of being honest with him about you or what you have done incase he gets cross?

Are his standards high and you can never quite reach them?

[OrangeTortoise]

To call you deceitful for an honest mistake is unfair and unkind.

[DominicRaabsTravelAgent]

Is this your first PG with him?

[RAFHercules]

Not sure about "He's a Twat"
Nowt wrong with the female reproductive parts .
He's certainly a knob, a bellend, and a cock though!

[Fluffypastelslippers]

Since we've booked the wedding he has gone weird normally he's quite relaxed. But if I make a mistake he is saying oh is this what I am getting myself in for.

Do not marry this guy. He is telling you who he is. Please listen.

[morecheeseplz]

I have held somethings back in the past just to avoid him going on and on at me.

To be honest I'm not perfect my house isn't always clean, sometimes my sink is full of pots and pans. Sometimes I pay a bill a day or two late (which isn't great) sometimes I just forget.

I feel like he thinks I should be like his mum she is perfect in my eyes. When she has the kids she makes me feel shit. I do love her though she is fab.She gets up before them cleans the house makes them breakfast cleans again baths them both dressed and ready for the day and takes them out by 10:00am.

Im just not like that 

@DominicRaabsTravelAgent no third.

[timeisnotaline]

I too think you should reconsider the wedding. Are the children all joint? Do you work?

[AntiSocialDistancer]

Do you realise a husband should make you feel loved just as you are?

He should love you for who you are, not who you could work to be - if you just tried a bit harder.

If you marry this man, at best, you'll live a life always feeling second best.

At worst he will be aggressive about your failures, bullying you into doing what he wants, as he wants.

You deserve more.

[ZenNudist]

It sounds like he doesn't really want to marry you and is looking to push you away. You need to get him into counselling and unpack thus before the wedding.

Did he propose or is he feeling forced into it? He has / will have 3 dc with you and its too late for cold feet!

[Kuachui]

This isn't normal... People forget things but why would he fly off the handle at this :S

[toomuchlaundry]

Are you financially independent?

What does he do round the house, with the children? Or is that totally down to you?

[Cirin]

Midwives will take women aside and advise that domestic violence and abuse can start once the man feels he has trapped you with a pregnancy and there's nowhere for you to go. It's why they intervene.

Sounds textbook.

[Fluffypastelslippers]

@ZenNudist

It sounds like he doesn't really want to marry you and is looking to push you away. You need to get him into counselling and unpack thus before the wedding.

Did he propose or is he feeling forced into it? He has / will have 3 dc with you and its too late for cold feet!

Get you throwing the responsibility of this pricks behaviour into OP

[over2021]

Firstly, We are still registered with a GP 3 miles away despite having moved out of catchment years ago. They didn't mention anything when we changed address so can't have been that bothered by my deceit.

Secondly, do not marry this man.

[WhatAShilohPitt]

1- he calls you deceitful. So he insults you, very personally, without any reason to.
2- he’s gone mad and called you all the names under the sun. While you are pregnant. Over a form.
3 - if you make a mistake he now pretends if makes him think twice about marriage. He won’t tolerate you making mistakes without getting angry or impatient.
4- you’ve stopped telling him things. You can’t be yourself with him.
5- you’re on here asking us if you are deceitful. He’s making you need reassurance that you aren’t that one in the wrong.

Personally, this would all be enough to make me cancel the wedding for now, the reason being that you are seeing signs of clearly unreasonable behaviour - in itself, a grounds for divorce - and you are also experiencing verbally abusive behaviour. You need to be seriously asking yourself whether you want to marry this man, and if you do, what it will be like.

[Crinkle77]

Yep don't marry him. It will only get worse after the wedding.

[AlbaAlba]

That's not deceit. I thought from the title that you'd been telling him you had done it, but hadn't, and a lie had been going on for weeks/months. His accusations are unfair and unpleasant.

It also doesn't sound great that you're holding other things back rather than tell him and get the backlash, it suggests you're afraid of him in some way (not necessarily physically) and shows he's got some control over your behaviour.

With a wedding coming up and you now having nearly 3 children with him, he may feel you can no longer escape, and his darker side is coming through.

I would be very watchful and read up on abusive relationships so you can recognise the signs if this behaviour pattern continues. (Note that if he thinks he's losing you though, he will revert to the lovely man you first met... until he has control again.)

I'd also be looking (quietly) at my financial situation, and establishing an escape fund, just in case.