This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
To say no to 7 house guests?(190 Posts)
I just preface this with saying I’m a bit of a natural introvert..I love socialising for limited periods of time but like to have my space too, especially at home. The problem is my husbands family live miles away which means visits are always extended (1 week or so stays). I know this is part and parcel of being married and I found it fine till we had kids really then I just find it a bit much looking after baby / toddler and guests.
My husbands family usually come in smaller groups but they’ve asked if 7 of them (inc two toddlers) can come for 3 nights...I’ve had to say no but I feel like they probably think I’m being difficult! I’m 8 mths pregnant so pretty shattered and have a 21 month old. We do have a big house but not big enough for that many of them so would mean blow up beds in living room and hallway...just seems a bit much!
Husband has said he’s fine to say no but he’s said he would say yes himself so of course has told them it’s me that doesn’t want them rather than being a united front!
God no never in a million years would I have blow up beds in the hallway. YANBU.
Ask your darling husband if he is willing to do ... and then list everything that would need doing to facilitate this ridiculous plan!
Your dh is an arsehole. Why isn’t he backing you up? You’re 8 months pregnant and they had the fucking cheek to ask for 7 of them to stay?! Are they mental?? I’d be cross as hell with your dh. I guarantee he wouldn’t make beds up, cook food for 7 of them etc. Quite bloody mad.
I thought it seemed a bit mad but needed a sense check with pregnancy hormones at maximum. I’m pretty sure he agrees as he didn’t put up a fight but very convenient to blame it on me! His mum is really direct and they’re still coming (so only 3 of them now) and know she’ll comment on it...think it’s probably worth the awkwardness though
I would say HELL NO and not give it a second thought. You're heavily pregnant with a toddler and they think it's reasonable for seven people to visit for 3/4 days? They are unhinged.
He should not have said that. Is he spineless?
Blow up beds in the hallway sound like a hazard in a 🔥
I'd let him have his family to stay.
And then I'd book myself an Airbnb for the duration of their visit and move out (leaving the toddler behind) so I could have a nice rest by myself before the baby arrives.
Then I'd make him send me pictures showing everything tidy and beds changed before I came back.
id have say no even not being pregnant with a toddler!
He should be backing you as a united front!
Am I missing something? The issue is not just 7 people coming, the issue is why is ANYONE coming if you are 8 months pregnant? Assume you are sitting down on your couch and doing NOTHING towards this visit?!?
If in laws tell you they are coming then response at 8 months pregnant should be hell no from your DH but as an alternative take to your bed or at least the couch and make sure he does it all. No good reason for 3 people to visit at this stage in pregnancy unless much wanted and invited by pregnant woman herself
They’d asked to do this when we had a 3 mth old before too (I said no then!)...he has a very big family but I come from a very small family so think we both just see it very differently. I think because our house is big they think it’ll be fine, we’ve got 3 spare bedrooms but his mum and dad won’t share a room so that’s two gone..another for sister in law and Partner, toddlers in the lounge and brother on the upstairs landing was the suggestion!
Who the FUCK would impose on an eight months pregnant mother of a toddler with seven houseguests???? I think your husband needs to sleep in the dog house for even asking! If MIL so much as raises it with you ask her if she would have been so welcoming at this stage of life/pregnancy!
I wouldn't have that many people stay even if I was single. Your husband says yes because he isn't doing the work I imagine. He sounds like a prick.
They need to find a hotel like normal people.
The thought of one person in my home sends my anxiety raging, but 7. No no no. Jesus. No.
Why can't the toddler be in the same room as parents, then brother in the lounge.
However you are completely right to say No. What if you went into Labour early.
Tell MiL that she would have to sleep in same room as her husband.
YANBU and they are cheeky fucks. I’ve had similar with my inlaws (posted about it last week actually) and have a similar, spineless husband.
Under no circumstances. They got to be fucking joking. Tell your husband that if they come, you will be staying in a super fancy hotel with your feet up and hot and cold running room service for the duration.
Especially as his mum and dad refuse to share. And I would be saying that’s part of the issue
Added to which you arev8 months pregnant
I would be having a stern word with dh about his inability to show a united front here, that actually it’s not just your decision but his as well and you are extremely disappointed in him putting his extended family first rather than his now family, ie you and your child
I would also be telling him that from now on he will be totally responsible for providing food, entertainment and everything else when his family visit to make the point
I don’t think having houseguests at eight months pregnant is as insane as some pp think- as long as there’s a civilised number of them and you aren’t expected to wait on them hand and foot.
But SEVEN?! If your MIL is as direct as you say fight fire with fire and tell her that this is a family home, not a youth hostel.
Oh hell no ! not a sodding hope in hell would that happen in my house even if I was not 8 months gone .
What on earth are they thinking ?
What is the reason for the visit ?
Get DH to tell them you can all meet up at x restaurant / hotel instead , failing that as PP said , you go away for a few days and leave them to have some quality family time together .
Make sure you don’t life a finger their entire stay.
Who the hell imposes themselves on an 8 months pregnant woman?!
Did H ask you before agreeing?
I’m with you 100%. My husband wanted four of his relatives to come and stay with us when I was 8 months pregnant and could barely breathe with a chest infection that I was nearly admitted to hospital for. (We also have a toddler.) I’m still slightly annoyed with him for pushing for it until I put my foot down and said no rather than just realising himself it was bloody inhumane to ask his sick, pregnant wife to host an overnight visit that our house can only just accommodate. Especially as there was a very nice and completely free alternative just down the road! So YANBU at all in my view.
And yes why can’t MiL and DiL share ffs? That’s just making life pointlessly awkward for everyone.
Excellent your husband has so much time available. Since your 8 months preg with a toddler and he’s announced he has lots of capacity I suggest he produce a full freezer in the next few weeks- 4 Thai green chicken meals, 3 chicken cacciatore, 2 lasagnes, 4 puttanesca sauces, a big pot of bolognese, and pumpkin soup as a starter.
I have very fond memories of 12 of us stopping over in a 3 bed house as a child each time we visited my Mum's sister or they visited us BUT I think this is ridiculous when you are 9 months pregnant
I think it is ridiculous that anyone would expect to stay more than 2 nights
I think it is beyond ridiculous that they can't fit 7 people into 3 spare bedrooms. If they want to come and stay in future, then they need to sort that out - the invitation can be for however many people can fit into the spare rooms
but obviously not whilst you are heavily pregnant or with a newborn baby.