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AIBU?

my daughter is the unpopular kid in class

385 replies

sunnydaysarenotenough · 21/09/2021 11:19

I'm really struggling with the situation my daughter finds herself in and would appreciate some practical advice on what to do next.
Background - we are British but live in Europe and our kids were born here. They've been in the local school since nursery and speak the language fluently etc, so we always assumed they would fit right in. My son is doing OK at school socially and has a few friends, but my daughter is really struggling. She is now in Y6 and has gone from having a couple of friends in earlier years (always boys) to absolutely no friends at school.
She is quite a resilient character, and last year palled up with a boy in the class who was being bullied, but he has now left the school and she is alone.
Of course, she is not perfect, but she is really kind, funny, lovely looking and loves sport. However, she's now at an age where the boys don't want to play with her anymore - and when she asks to join in a game of football they call her names - every day - mainly ‘fat’ (she is slightly chubby but is tall and sporty – essentially a normal sized girl in a country where some kids are smaller).
The girls all refuse to play with her at all. This came to a head last week when they held a vote that decided she cannot join in any class games during breaks - and no one will allow her to sit with them at lunch.
Her class teacher gives the impression that she is not especially keen on her either - mainly because she hates sitting for a whole day in the same classroom, which is the rule here since COVID.
She’s always the last to be picked for any team or group activity – even in sports, which she is good at. For example, her pupil group in music class (which the teacher had to put her in because no one wanted her to join their group) had to perform a dance to some music last week, which she is perfectly able to do well, but she was told by her colleagues that she had to go last because she’s ‘rubbish’. It's quite an academic school and although she has a good brain the teachers tell me she often seems to be disorganised or unmotivated in the classes. She has passed every year to date with a low/medium grade.
Last Friday she was crying about the whole situation and telling me that everyone hates her - pupils and staff. She wants to leave the school.
Unfortunately, it would be incredibly difficult for her to change school - there are not many alternatives here, apart from very poorly funded state schools, where she may or may not fit in and may not recieve a great education, or English language schools for international students, which I’ve never heard anything good about. Her current school is supposed to be the best in the region.
So here we are… I've been through all the practical things that I can think of - even buying new ‘cool’ shoes last weekend, as the class teased her about her shoes. She has nothing especially 'different' about her – apart from that she always preferred playing with the boys when she was younger - she just seems to have become the unpopular girl in the class.
She does football club outside of school, but is the only girl there, so no friends to be made. She just isn’t interested in dance academy or any of the other more 'girl-oriented' out of school activities.
If she stays at the school she will be in the same class of students for the whole of school until 18, so things really need to change… I would really appreciate any ideas as it is breaking my heart and I really worry about the long-term implications for her self-esteem etc.

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noprofessional · 21/09/2021 11:23

I would move her. A "great education" doesn't trump a child's wellbeing for me. Rather an average bog standard school and a happy child.