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AIBU? I feel differently about my friends since my wedding?(110 Posts)
Trying to keep a long story short..... :S
I don't have many friends, a LOT of acquaintances but few what I would say good/close friends. I asked my best friend since school to be my MOH and my brother's girlfriend I asked to be my bridesmaid because she's been in the family for years and I love her to bits! None of my other friends/acquaintances came to my hen do or wedding for various reasons which is fine it just upset me a little in the lead up to the wedding.
My MOH completely took over my hen do and decided she wanted to surprise me rather than do what I actually asked for and wanted. She did the same for my hen do as her own. She also uninvited my mum to the day which really bothered me because I'd promised her we would do something together during the daytime.
The day of my wedding was awful, my MOH and bridesmaid kept making fun of the dresses I'd picked for them, decorations, colours and my wedding dress. It hurt me a lot but I laughed it off at the time. My MOD told my mum I never wanted to get married I only wanted a fancy party, which is not true I married the love of my life and we had a very cheap wedding. My MOD in particular never said anything nice to me, only complained about what was wrong with the wedding decisions me and my husband made. I have hardly heard from her since. My husband and I had an incredible day - it was magical for us and everything we wanted. However, I can't help but feel different about my friendships after all this. There was a lot of other stuff that happened that I've chosen to leave out but is this normal to feel this way? I don't know how to get over this feeling.
Why did none of your friends go to your wedding? I've a feeling there's a lot more to this story
Why didn't your friends go?
She sounds like a prick, count your blessings she's buggered off.
She’s not your best friend she sounds horrible
It doesn’t really sound like these people are your friends at all.
Yeah that’s shit, i wouldn’t be in a hurry to spend time with her again after that, whatever the back story.
This is very weird from someone you say is very close to you.
Why did nobody else come to your hen or wedding? I agree with PP that I think a lot is missing here.
Getting married is a big deal. In some ways it's saying goodbye to a section of your life as much as welcoming a new one. I don't think it's unusual to find that friends who you would never have left off the invitation list are suddenly not part of your new life.
In this case it sounds like a bit of a relief and as if you could do with some new friends who actually like you...
I don't think it's unusual to find that friends who you would never have left off the invitation list are suddenly not part of your new life.
Really? Most people are in a relationship with their new spouse for some time before marrying them, usually living together too. I wouldn't have thought getting married was such a sea change for the social circle.
Thank you all for your answers so far. My other friends couldn't come because they either couldn't get time off work, couldn't find a babysitter, had another wedding booked that weekend and one of my friends is suffering from severe social anxiety so I tend to see her just the two of us. I was sad they couldn't come but totally understand life gets in the way sometimes.
Your moh sounds an absolute cow.
Why do you have acquaintances rather than friends? I wouldn't put myself out for an acquaintance tbh.
So your brothers girlfriend (bridesmaid) and your best friend from school (MOH) both had sudden personality transplants on the day of your wedding and started making fun of your wedding dress, the decor, the bridesmaids dresses etc? And all of your other friends were busy, couldn’t get a sitter, couldn’t get time off work etc on both the night of the hen and also on your wedding day? It all sounds horrible, in fact it sounds so bad that it’s just really strange. Surely there’s got to be more to it? If this is all true and you’re not omitting the part where you turned into a massive brideszilla then get some new friends and speak to your brother about his girlfriend.
My friend when getting married suddenly had one of the mums at our playgroup become her best friend;she said she'd do my friends hair as she use to be a hairdresser.
She was left to organise the hen night and invite friends from the playground to the church wedding ceremony and evening reception at a social club type venue (they had a small intimate family only wedding breakfast at a hotel).
Anyway this woman completely took over my friends day and run up to the wedding.She lied about who could come to X,Y&Z (she didn't invite some mums because she personally didn't like them including me);she made a huge deal about joining a slimming group and losing weight for my friends wedding,put a counter on her fb page to count down the days until my friends wedding and brought 3 dresses for the day which she changed between each venue including a satin type bridesmaid dress she wore at the wedding (my friend only had the immediate female kids in the family as BM's).She of course wrangled an invite for herself,DH&2 DC's to the wedding breakfast too.
We all thought this woman was bonkers.She of course posted all the photos of herself taken we're assuming by the long suffering DH all over fb.
Funnily enough she started ghosting my friend afterwards and they don't talk at all anymore.
Basically she was a glory whore who used my friends big day for attention.
My MOH and bridesmaid have always been a bit of a laugh but no I didn't expect them to act like that about our wedding. Bridezilla is the opposite of what I was like - most of the decisions were made by my husband and I agreed to go along with it. We did the best we could with the money we had.
I have a few friends outside of MOH/bridesmaid but also a fair few acquaintances. I moved to a different town recently, that combined with the fact that these ladies have families and busy schedules of their own maybe explain why they wouldn't be able to come but who knows - maybe I am just a total A$$ hole and not aware of it LOL.
Your maid of honour sounds like an absolute prick. Uninviting your mum from the hen do daytime stuff can only be described as cuntish. Properly horrible. I would be massively taking a step back from her and wouldn't see her as a friend. Your poor mum bless her.
Your MOH sounds horrible. Really horrible. I can see why you were upset on the day but I wouldn't give her any further thought.
I'm also slightly bemused as to why none of your "real" friends went to your wedding.
Kindly though, and I can see why you were upset, this is what happens when people massively over-invest in weddings. Its one day and something is bound no to be perfect. They seem almost designed to bring stress, fighting and low expectations.
That is very poor behaviour from both your MOH and your brothers girlfriend. Were the dresses truly horrendous?
Seriously though just go low contact and let the friendship fizzle out.
There was a lot of other stuff that happened that I've chosen to leave out
But is what you're leaving out relevant?
You get to be married to the person you love. Ignore her.
Can you give any examples of the sorts of things they said to you? Making fun of your choices isn’t normal friend behaviour. The whole thing is very odd.
Doesn't sound like a good friend - especially un-inviting your mum!
It's not that weird that your 'friends' can't always come to your wedding. I'm getting married soon and some of my closest friends can't come for various reasons. One is now booked a holiday for instance...it's pissed me off but that's her prerogative and that's obviously her priority, which is fine, but it has changed the way I feel towards her.
The whole wedding thing has definitely been an eye opener into who I thought were my 'real friends'. People who I haven't been as close to have made more and effort and been far more supportive!
I didn't think the dresses were that bad - the colour theme was yellow and blue because my husband is Bosnian (colours of the Bosnian flag) The groomsmen wore dark blue suits and bridesmaids in a traditional yellow bridesmaid dress (ill include a link below to something similar)
I thought they looked pretty but they were laughing and saying they don't want to look like a f**ing duck walking down the aisle. They said they looked silly and the dresses looked silly. They helped me pick the dresses so didn't really understand why this all came out on the day. They said their hair looked rubbish and they both re-styled their hair themselves after the hairdresser left. They said the yellow didn't suit them and why didn't I go with blue instead. It sounds petty but it would have been nice to have some supportive comments because I was nervous as hell and just wanted to enjoy the day.
My husband and I had an incredible day - it was magical for us and everything we wanted
THIS - right ^ here - is ALL that matters.
You will move on in life and build your own new tribe. Put effort into building a better circle of friends and yeah, I'd disengage from the MoH and the other friend.
Some people are envious of others and resent anyone elses happiness. They are welcome to live that way, but not to bring you down or use you as a way to feed their dementor status.
Focus on what and who is important to you and those that show you the same.
The bridesmaids dresses were like this but with mesh sleeves: