Am I over reacting - controlling SIL

(453 Posts)
bagpuss90 Sun 19-Sep-21 23:25:07

We have a family holiday booked -eight of us going . I’d rather be going away with just DP but his mum died last year ,and he wants a holiday with his family which I’ve reluctantly agreed to. My sister in law - who has rubbed me up the wrong way several times over the years has surpassed herself. She’s announced that she “wants to be organised “ and has asked that we all hand our passports over to her for safe keeping and she will hold onto them for the duration of the holiday. I’ve point blank refused-I’m old enough and ugly enough to look after my own passport thank you. It’s the principle -plus can you imagine if she lost the lot of then. It’s made me dread the holiday- I think she’ll want to run the show - DP thinks I’m over reacting . She’s said I’m a control freak-wtf ?? Having serious thoughts about not going, but under the circumstances it’s not that easy to bail out now

OP’s posts: |
bert3400 Sun 19-Sep-21 23:27:57

I would never give someone my passport, I even hate it when DH looks after it when we are away . You are not BU at all.

Sparklfairy Sun 19-Sep-21 23:29:39

Yeah no need for her to hold the passports. She's totally projecting about you being a control freak grin

Assuming she's DH sister so she's grieving too, try and take a step back and go with the flow as much as possible. She may take a small comfort in being in control of something right now, but feel free to say you want to hold on to your own passport because you're not a child

CallmeHendricks Sun 19-Sep-21 23:30:33

No way in a million years would I be handing over my passport.

SheldonesqueTheBstard Sun 19-Sep-21 23:30:49

I wouldn’t be doing that either.

I’d rather swallow it for safe keeping.

RedSoloCup Sun 19-Sep-21 23:31:11

No way I'd give anyone my passport she's a knob lol

Pinkchocolate Sun 19-Sep-21 23:31:41

I wouldn’t bail out, why should you miss out on a holiday? But not in a million years would I be handing over my passport! How ridiculous! Your DP has probably enabled her controlling behaviour for a while so I’d continue making it clear that you won’t be allowing her to do it to you.

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Brollywasntneededafterall Sun 19-Sep-21 23:35:29

Has she doubted your age maybe and wants proof??
Just tell her you aren't 6 and she isn't your dm.

SezziBaybee Sun 19-Sep-21 23:37:09

Stop DP enabling her behaviour and absolutely don't give her your passport. That's just so odd!

HollowTalk Sun 19-Sep-21 23:37:11

Control freaks always think that a person who won't do as they are told is a control freak.

Cryalot2 Sun 19-Sep-21 23:37:24

No one gets my passport ever. Don't let her near it.

bagpuss90 Sun 19-Sep-21 23:50:15

She is grieving but she’s not getting my passport

OP’s posts: |
BudrosBudrosGalli Sun 19-Sep-21 23:59:10

Feck no! Never mind the competitive grieving, she isn't the sole person to have lost a parent. Plus, who knows what her intentions are! She could be running some sort of scam in your name with the aid of your passport. I would pull out. This sounds like a total nightmare. Your MIL isn't around anymore to have to do this in her memory.

Dobbyismyabsolutefav Mon 20-Sep-21 00:02:20

Wow YANBU I would hate someone treating me like a child and that is what your SIL is doing.

fourandnomore Mon 20-Sep-21 00:07:23

Yeah just say you don’t want to give anyone your passport, there is no need and you may need it for something else. I use mine quite a lot for ID (can’t find my driving license).

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS Mon 20-Sep-21 00:12:25

Is she daft enough to hide your passport while you're there, so she can "I told you so" ? Keep a close eye on it.

Pinkchocolate Mon 20-Sep-21 00:15:23

The grieving part is irrelevant in this case. I’m grieving a parent who I adored and was really close to but I don’t use it as a reason to manipulate people. You can be sensitive to her grief without allowing her to get her way “because she’s grieving”.

Grellbunt Mon 20-Sep-21 00:18:40

What a weirdo!

TopBlogger Mon 20-Sep-21 00:19:01

SHE thinks YOU are the control freak??!! I always find it amazing when people see their own faults in others.

Bail out now. I guarantee you will regret going

notthemum Mon 20-Sep-21 00:20:39

WTAF ? She is grieving. She is also bloody nuts. Not a hope in hell that I would hand it over. I do think you need to keep a steady eye on it though, just in case as a pp suggested she might try hiding it and saying "I told you so"

Auroreforet Mon 20-Sep-21 00:25:01

Tell her not to be so ridiculous.
And fgs don’t lose your passport or you’ll never hear the end of it!

TheTeenageYears Mon 20-Sep-21 00:27:04

What is her reasoning for wanting to hold all the passports whilst already away? Beforehand I could almost (but still not really) understand - a double check everyone has one, no expired passports, no-one forgets to take to the airport etc but once you've all arrived, you or her DB losing their passport has no impact on her at all. If you can't travel home you'll have to sort yourselves out, it wouldn't be anything to do with her. DH needs to stop enabling batshit behaviour of his DSis. Someone who is quite clearly cating as a control freak has absolutely no grounds to call anyone else a control freak just because they aren't willing to bend to their will.

StartupRepair Mon 20-Sep-21 00:30:35

Well this is clear warning that absolutely every other aspect of your holiday will be micromanaged. I would be very clear with dp what you are and are not prepared to tolerate. Decide which battles are important.

saraclara Mon 20-Sep-21 00:30:55

No, never. I travel a lot, and never, ever hand my passport over to anyone. It's such a vital document that no way do I let it out of my sight, and certainly not to anyone outside of unavoidable officialdom.

Nor do I look after anyone else's passport. It's way too much of a responsibility.

saraclara Mon 20-Sep-21 00:33:11

"SIL - this is not a school trip"

Apart from anything else, you might be asked to show your passport at some points in the holiday, if you're abroad. I've had to show mine in banks etc. Mine is in a secure pocket of my travel handbag at all times, so it's with me and available.

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