AIBU to think this isn't normal behaviour for a 5 year old

[BergamotMouse]

Mostly posting here for traffic. Sorry if long.

My DD (5 years old) has such a lot of energy. Assumed it was normal but her calm 2 year old brother is making us question this a little.

She cannot sit still! Will rotate in her chair at meal times, cutlery clattering to the floor, drinks knocked over etc. If watching TV she will often be bouncing or be upside down, suddenly diving across the sofa for no reason.

She still has really big emotional outbursts, cannot control herself and will try to hurt us, she almost appears to shake with rage. These can last an hour or so.

She will not stop talking, interrupts frequently. Will often say 'mummy' or 'daddy...' to start a question with no direction and then just find something to fill it with.

She has issues with the toilet, constipation (on medication for this), will still have damp pants and is very against being told to go even though she's dancing around clearly desperate.

But on the other hand she is a fantastic big sister, patient most of the time with her brother and very kind. Plays with him intensely. Likes make believe but neither of them really play with toys.

They have very little screen time, Half an hour a day or so, sometimes none and we try and have them outside most of the day. She is absolutely fine when outside, we have no issues with behaviour then.

No issues from school, doing fine academically, I'm led to believe she's very well behaved. Ahead of where she should be with her reading, slightly behind with maths. She has some very close friendships (seems quite intense) but will be quite cold and distant with others. Children from school will shout hi to her in the park and she will give a brief wave, if that, and when I ask who it is she says she doesn't know.

I don't know what I'm thinking, Some kind of ADHD? Somewhere on the autism spectrum? I'm a teacher so don't say this lightly. Or is this just typical 5 year old behaviour?

[Bywayofanupdate]

I can't help but just wanted to say that this could have been me writing this post! My almost 7 year old behaves like this too so interested to see what others comment with

[crazyguineapiglady]

"Normal" is very wide and none of those things sound hugely abnormal except maybe the tantrums. If she manages fine at school then probably not ADHD and nothing screams autism.

[BergamotMouse]

Yes, perhaps just normal. I've always passed it off as being high energy but we find ourselves struggling more and more with the constant motion and talking. We're done in by the end of a weekend and short tempered.

[Dragonpox]

My 6yo does a lot of that, can sit still, be bounces around in front of the TV, has tons of energy, she doesn't hit us but does have outbursts and lots of eye rolling. Her friendship groups seem to vary by the day. I'd say it's all quite normal.

[Flowers2020bloom]

Typical 5 year old I would say!

[BergamotMouse]

Ok, probably what I need to hear, just normal behaviour!

Perhaps I need to try and grow a longer fuse.

[Hesma]

Sounds about right for a 5 year old to me

[SaltySeaAir]

Sounds very normal to me 🙂

[crazyguineapiglady]

My 4 year old does the "MUM...!" without knowing what she is going to say and it is very wearing!

[Keeva2017]

My nearly 5 year old fidgets constantly. It’s rage enduring being sat next to her for too long because you will get elbows, knees feet poked at you constantly.

Massive emotions, outbursts are short but hella you know they are happening. Really struggles to contain her anger sometimes. Always conscious that in structured activities you hear her name constantly with “Betty listen please, Betty stop that now” and you see she is struggling to keep her attention.

It’s hard but I think the poster who said normal is a wide spectrum hit the nail on the head. They are just learning and their little brains are doing their thing. Like your daughter mine is a great sister, can be so kind and has a wicked sense of humour. I have to try really hard not to nag her because really she’s still so little and I don’t want her to think there’s anything wrong with being her.

[Keeva2017]

Oh and my fuse could do with a little Lengthening too!!!

[Lindy2]

Your description sounds very similar to my DD who is now diagnosed ADHD. However, the difficult behaviour and inability to stay still continued at school as well as at home. At 5 she certainly wouldn't have been able to hold her impulsive behaviour in just because she was at school.

[Pissinthepottyplease]

Constipation can cause small wee accidents due to the pressure of poo against the bladder. Constipation also has an impact on behaviour. Is her constipation under control? As in are her poo currently a 4 in the Bristol stool chart?

[Indecisivelurcher]

This rings similar to a relative same age who has just been assessed privately for adhd and told probably yes. His anger is the main issue, he has a short fuse and goes from 0-10 very fast and with no sense of proportion, he has injured teachers lashing out. However I was surprised because in many many ways this relative is similar to my Dd, only her emotions come out as anxiety or self directed rather than anger. I suppose I'm saying i can see why it's difficult to judge. Is there someone external who would give you a view, such as a teacher or relative.

[nedtherobbot]

Sounds like my 5 year old's sensory processing difficulties. He is autistic but have learnt that sensory issues can be stand alone. Constant movement even when sleeping. He masked to a certain extent at preschool and initially at school but the sessory issues that he didn't have at school were quickly recognised once specailists went into observe and work with.

[scully29]

My 6 & 7 don't sit still, I don't think kids can? Definitely normal to us to run kids after school, like going to the park for an hour. The impact of sugar is noticeable so maybe look at that with your DD?

[Draineddraineddrained]

You are describing my DD (4) down to the constipation 😮 I've been thinking ADHD too... But according to the MN hive mind it'd just normal! I've been tearing strips off the poor little thing today, I've had her and her baby sister on my own for the weekend and eldest just WILL. NOT. LISTEN. To a single word I say, she's always yapping but never listening and it drives me potty. I feel so mean all the time. Definitely need that longer fuse 😔

[scully29]

Oo and have you got a fidget spinner? I discovered them recently.

[DollyDinkle]

Does she breathe through her mouth when she's asleep?

[DeepaBeesKit]

The calm 2 year old is more of the anomaly in my book......

[parietal]

my child was similar for a while & the constipation was a big cause. she was always uncomfortable / kinda needing the loo but not wanting to go. so she'd jump about and be badly behaved / unable to control her temper.

bribery of ipad games to sit on the loo at the right time + movicol helped a lot.

[Ironmanrocks]

@DollyDinkle

Does she breathe through her mouth when she's asleep?

Why is this relevant? I am very interested in your answer, I'm not being rude.

[VelvetChairGirl]

Depends kind of sounds like mine he is 11 now and not much different, he is ASD.

[gingerninja99]

Sounds similar to my DD at that age except the tantrums, now she is almost 10 and hitting the preteen age and she slobs about most of the time! No ADHD or anything was just a high energy child, now the hormones are starting to kick in she's more laid back and has settled in and does the things she enjoys like reading, drawing and writing stories

[WishingYouAMerryChristmasToo]

Autism in girls presents differently than that in boys. Online there is a really good checklist for this. Ask the school to look at checklist and then you do the same - if you can start ticking them off ask the GP for a referral . The checklists also exist for adhd but remember it is a spectrum - trust your instincts here but don’t compare children. You can always ask for an EP assessment through the school as well.