To have offered to turn up 3 hours early?

(179 Posts)
Friendissues46 Sat 18-Sep-21 16:59:13

I have a friend, who I see semi regularly, every couple of months and we do stuff together. All good.

We both live alone and have partners, but make time together. Friend is a big drinker but I’m recently tee total after many years of drinking socially so we are now having to start doing other things socially than drinking.

I asked friend if she wanted to go see a comedy night tonight which doors open at 9pm, three weeks ago. She said yes, all good and booked- she booked the tickets and I paid her for mine. I asked her if she wanted to go for a meal beforehand, and she said no. That’s fine. She said I could go around hers beforehand for a cuppa and a chat and I said that sounds good.

So today is the day, and I spoke to my friend and said I was thinking of coming to hers for 6pm. This is 3 hours before the show starts, it’s a 9pm entry so would give us 3 hours to chat spend time together etc plus the show. It’s a 1 hour drive to hers so I’d leave mine at 5.

The reason I didn’t go earlier is I had a family birthday lunch which finished at half 3. She knew this and I didn’t think it messed with our plans.

Well, she’s furious- said that I’m going to be late for the show? It starts at 9, I’m getting to hers at 6. She then said it hardly gives us enough time to spend together and I should’ve come earlier say lunchtime or asked to stay over. I said I couldn’t stay over as I had work the next day.

Well, she’s now said that she’s going to offer my ticket to her mum because I clearly have too much on my plate and 3 hours before the show to hang out just isn’t good enough.

I’m truly confused, I’ve just agreed as despite my insistence to go, she’s replying as “oh you’re so busy” “it’s too much for you” and I got a sense it would no longer be enjoyable.

I don’t think I’ll get my money back and I’m not sure what to even suggest or say now- it’s so bizarre this has happened an hour before I was supposed to leave.


OP’s posts: |
olympicsrock Sat 18-Sep-21 17:01:33

Ha ha - I thought she was going to complain about your arriving too early. It’s fine and she is weirdly needy!

EssexLioness Sat 18-Sep-21 17:21:54

Another one here who was thinking she thought that was too early. 3 hours is plenty of time to catch up beforehand

Thehop Sat 18-Sep-21 17:23:57

She’s nuts

MoiraRose4 Sat 18-Sep-21 17:24:18

As previous replies, I thought this was going the opposite way. She had already invited her mum.

Vodka1 Sat 18-Sep-21 17:25:43

Ask her if you can pop in for your ticket about 6 as you would still like to attend it anyway but understand if she doesn't want to travel with you.

EdgeOfTheSky Sat 18-Sep-21 17:26:29

That’s mad!

Has she forgotten, and thinks the show starts at 7 or something?

But even then this sort of angry tantrum is bizarre. Is she often like this?


thefirstmrsrochester Sat 18-Sep-21 17:27:14

Your friend is bonkers. Also not much of a friend.

annacondom Sat 18-Sep-21 17:27:55

Did she misread it? Thought it said 30 mins?

NoSquirrels Sat 18-Sep-21 17:28:29

Wow. I was going to say you were being needy turning up 3 hours early when she’d refused dinner and offered ‘a cuppa’ … but I see it’s the opposite!

She’s mad. I’d leave her to it today - perhaps she’s been drinking with her mum and given her the ticket?

NoSquirrels Sat 18-Sep-21 17:29:48

But ask her for the money back for the ticket if you’ve paid her! Cheeky cow.

Tabasco007 Sat 18-Sep-21 17:30:56


Ha ha - I thought she was going to complain about your arriving too early. It’s fine and she is weirdly needy!

Haha, I thought the same!

Plumtree391 Sat 18-Sep-21 17:31:13

Frankly I think your friend is bonkers!

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves Sat 18-Sep-21 17:31:35

Did she even buy your ticket?

You should tell her oh well fair enough
I still want my ticket so I'll pop over and you can give it to me

It would be interesting to see what she says

MilesJuppIsMyBitch Sat 18-Sep-21 17:31:42

I bet she's struggling with the idea of not drinking with you. Maybe it's making her look at her own drinking? Obvs I could be completely wrong, but it could explain why she's being so mad. (Which she is).

WoozySnoozy Sat 18-Sep-21 17:32:25

Another one who thought she was going to complain it was too early!

noprofessional Sat 18-Sep-21 17:33:18

Omg yanbu!
Ask for your money back now!

HotToddyColdSauvignon Sat 18-Sep-21 17:36:06

She’s already invited her mum and couldn’t get another ticket. So is throwing a hissy fit

BeenThruMoreThanALilBit Sat 18-Sep-21 17:37:30

I reckon she thought you would hang out together then go to the show as a nice add-on. Whereas you are thinking of seeing her for an hour for a cup of tea, but also counting travel time and the show as hanging out time.

So, to her, you’re giving her an hour whereas she wanted a “proper session”. She feels rejected.

Just different strokes for different folks. She’s being quite immature and petulant about it!

EileenGC Sat 18-Sep-21 17:40:51

She’d be my ex-friend by now.

She must give you your money back anyway. Don’t let her up on that one. Unless it was £5 you can afford to lose, but out of principle I’d ask for it back regardless.

RoseGoldGlasses Sat 18-Sep-21 17:46:13

She's mad

Cuddlemuffin Sat 18-Sep-21 17:47:35

Aaw Hun, I think your friend is probably having insecurities about your friendship. This happened to me when I stopped drinking, I think some friends take it quite badly. They miss the drink chats or think that you feel you're better than them in some way. I'd insist on going and have it out with her face to face. If she's too angry then arrange a day together and get it all out in the open and sorted out. She's looking for reassurance that she's important to you and going about it the wrong way xx

Crimblecrumble1990 Sat 18-Sep-21 17:48:57

Haha I was thinking 'gosh 3 hours is quite a long time for a pre show catch up' as I was reading your OP! Unless it's a really long journey from hers to the show venue? Can't see her logic on this one, can understand why you are baffled.

TokyoSushi Sat 18-Sep-21 17:51:23

Yes also thought she was going to say too early, she's crazy and I wouldn't go now, I also think it could stem from the not drinking...

Waspsarearseholes Sat 18-Sep-21 17:53:17

She can't do anything with your ticket, you've paid for it, it is yours. It sounds like she's making an excuse for you not to go, or rather for you not to go with her. So she's either worried about being the only one drinking or she had already invited her mum but hadn't sorted a ticket. I would say to her that it's a shame she no longer wants to go with you, you'll pop round at 8 to collect your ticket or the money for it and go on your way. She's being a cow, though. Not much of a friend.

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