Husband complaining he was woken up by daughter

(423 Posts)
alicema Fri 17-Sep-21 10:21:39

My almost 4 year old daughter sometimes comes into our bedroom at night when she's needs the toilet. She still likes us to help her. This morning, at around 5am, she came in and woke me up telling me she needed a poo. As I didn't want to disturb my youngest child, I told her to use our en suite instead of taking her to family bathroom next to her sisters room. She did her business and I then took her quietly back to her bedroom. When I came back my DH was awake and was very angry with me for waking him and switching the light on. I thought he must have missed what had happened and explained that DD had been in to use the bathroom. He did know this info, but was so moody and angry that we didn't use the family bathroom. I know we all get a bit grumpy when we get woken up, but to think once you have kids you've got to get over that! He started saying "why didn't you close the en suite door?" I told him I did close it as much as I could, but there were clothes in the door and I didn't have chance to move them. He wasn't happy with this! He turned over and went back to sleep (or so I thought). This morning he took ages to get ready and had a very long shower. We ended up rushing out the door to get the girls to school/nursery on time. He said he was so tired as he was woken too early and couldn't get back to sleep. He's not usually like this thankfully. It is my job to get up in the night as he tends to need more sleep than me, so maybe I am being unfair. He does have a demanding job and works long hours. But he is being a bit of a dick here isn't he?

OP’s posts: |
Wole Fri 17-Sep-21 10:31:41

Tell him he can deal with night wakenings

fuckitbucket16 Fri 17-Sep-21 10:35:59

Nah I’m with him sorry.
I’d be super pissed if the kids used the ensuite at 5am and you didn’t even close the door. confused

Just take her to the other bathroom. It’s not actually in the same room as her sister.

namechange30455 Fri 17-Sep-21 10:39:42

Were the clothes in the door his clothes that he'd left there because he cba to put them in the wash? I think that changes my opinion...

DeathStare Fri 17-Sep-21 10:40:49

Well, using the ensuite especially with the door open was more likely to wake him than using the main bathroom was to wake her sister. So I agree with him on that.

Does he split the nightwakings with you? And are you (both) working on getting your DD to use the toilet without waking you up?

MoreAloneTime Fri 17-Sep-21 10:42:59

I mean you could probably come up with a solution to putting the main light on but it sounds like he needs to grow up.

ThreeLittleDots Fri 17-Sep-21 10:43:22

Sorry I think ywbu and should be encouraging and rewarding your almost 4 year old to toilet independently

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seaandsandcastles Fri 17-Sep-21 10:43:28

fuckitbucket16

Nah I’m with him sorry.
I’d be super pissed if the kids used the ensuite at 5am and you didn’t even close the door. confused

Just take her to the other bathroom. It’s not actually in the same room as her sister.

This.

You should have quickly and quietly moved the clothes; it wouldn’t have taken a second. You were thoughtless.

Tlollj Fri 17-Sep-21 10:43:47

Funny time to have a poo
Anyway whose clothes were on the floor and why?
Was it really because you didn’t want to her sister or because the en suite was closer?
I have the hump if I was woken at 5am too
But he needs to get over himself.

MindyStClaire Fri 17-Sep-21 10:44:19

He got to stay warm and cosy in bed while you dealt with the child that was up? You needed nothing from him and didn't wake the other child so you didn't both need to be up? Nah he can jog on, that would be an absolute win in this house.

Bananarama21 Fri 17-Sep-21 10:44:22

I find it strange how a 4 year old still needs help with the toilet what does she do at school? Teachers aren't going to excately wipe her bum.

I'm with your dh on this I wouldn't be happy either being woken up.

Strangevipers Fri 17-Sep-21 10:45:02

As a one off I'd put it down to him being tired and move on

FOJN Fri 17-Sep-21 10:45:20

You were woken up too but presumably aren't behaving like a dick because you're tired. However putting the light on and using the ensuite with the door open at 5am means you were both woken up which was unnecessary.

LiamGallagherIsHot Fri 17-Sep-21 10:46:41

What a twat. You are the one that actually got up whilst he stayed in bed. Zero tolerance for this behaviour, tell him to grow the fuck up.

LittleLottieChaos Fri 17-Sep-21 10:49:07

I don’t think you did anything wrong? Or am I missing the bit where men don’t have to wake up for their kids in the morning? 5am is early but not unfathomable…

Stringervest Fri 17-Sep-21 10:50:05

We have a four year old. DH and I are very careful not to wake each other up when dealing with night wakings. Being woken up is shit - no reason to both be awake.

But we split the night wakings equally between ourselves. We both pitch in.

So - YABU. But he might be a twat for other reasons.

poullou Fri 17-Sep-21 10:50:38

Tell him to get over it. If we argued everytime we were woken up by dc, we'd never talk to each other!

EllieSattler Fri 17-Sep-21 10:51:44

Bananarama21

I find it strange how a 4 year old still needs help with the toilet what does she do at school? Teachers aren't going to excately wipe her bum.

I'm with your dh on this I wouldn't be happy either being woken up.

The child is almost 4. So she's 3. Clearly not at school for another year. Anyway a lot of 4yos can't wipe a poo properly.

ManifestDestinee Fri 17-Sep-21 10:55:40

I can't believe people are saying OP was unreasonable!

Sure OP, you and your daughters should creep around when The Big Man is asleep, you do all the night wakings, that's not enough, you should make sure he is never ever woken up before he wants to, his sleep is your responsibility!
Sure shouldn't you have been up at 5 anyway, making him breakfast and ironing his underpants read for him to do his Important Job.?

hmm

ponderingthisthing Fri 17-Sep-21 10:55:56

It depends who sleeps lighter here - your dh or your youngest. In our case, barely anything can wake my OH up while the youngest sleeps light so I'd have used the en-suite (if we had one!).

Also I don't think it's unreasonable for a nearly 4 year old to need help with the loo at night.

Weenurse Fri 17-Sep-21 10:57:36

I know a family where kids go to Dad if they wake at night.
Just saying…..

seaandsandcastles Fri 17-Sep-21 10:58:03

Sure OP, you and your daughters should creep around when The Big Man is asleep

@ManifestDestinee Yeah, they should. Just like he and the daughter should creep around if OP is asleep.

There’s no point in both partners being woken up and sleep deprived.

BathMatToe Fri 17-Sep-21 10:58:39

'It is my job to get up in the night as he tends to need more sleep than me"

Ah bless him. Lots of men have this condition when kids arrive. It luckily only happens with kid related stuff so they can luckily still go out at night for beers with the lads, hobbies, weekends away etc.

I guess it depends on what happened. Did you put the main bedroom light on or just en suite? Why are there clothes wedged in door? Does he think it should be only you who deals with night waking?

Billandbob Fri 17-Sep-21 10:58:51

Next time tell her to wake daddy up!

alicema Fri 17-Sep-21 11:00:59

To answer a few questions:

Two items of clothing on the door handle we’re his clothes but there were also a couple of pieces of mine. They were our clothes for the day. We like to get them out the night before in preparation.

I do all night waking as I work part time, he works long hours. It seemed fair when we decided this.

Yes we are working on getting her to go independently, she does this most of the time when it’s a wee, but she still needed some help with wiping as it’s a poo. We’re working on it but its taking some time.

Just to clarify, wasn’t the main light, just en suite light.

Yes maybe I should have moved the clothes, but to be honest my main thought was getting her sorted and back to bed. I shut the door as much as it would close with clothes on the handle.

I agree is is a funny time to have a poo, this isn’t the norm for her. She usually goes before bed, think she’s been unsettled the past week as she’s just started nursery school.

Truthfully I used en suite as I didn’t want to wake her sister. If she had woken up she wouldn’t have gone back to sleep - none of us wanted that! But yes having the en suite closer was more convenient.

Thanks for those saying that an almost 4 year old should still need help using the toilet. It is something we’re working on. I’m worried about her doing a poo at school, but I can’t make her learn to wipe her bum properly any quicker - I’m trying. Any tips would be gratefully appreciated?

OP’s posts: |

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