To think this is CF territory and say No?

(65 Posts)
MissConventionality Mon 06-Sep-21 19:09:28

My sibling is always in and out of dramatic and scandalous relationships. The type where he ditches his fiancée and hooks up with her stepmother and expects everyone to simper and accept it for the five months he makes it last for.

He's got two sons on a 50/50 custody arrangement and he moves these women in with him at the drop of a hat, so the boys have had new mother figures in and out of their lives like a set of revolving mummy doors. They're 14 and 12 now. The 12 year old has some signs of an emotional disorder or anxiety- he is really clingy and tearful a lot of the time. I love my nephews madly and would do anything for them, but I was really pissed off today.

DB has been single for about 8 months which is probably a record for him. He and his sons have sorted out a nice routine, they've grown closer, they're settling a bit and my nephew is really starting to genuinely smile and relax.

Last night I got a text message asking if I can have the boys this weekend and get them to school on Monday as something's urgently come up. I asked why their mum can't have them and he said she's being difficult and saying it's his contact time. I know her and I don't think she'd say that. I asked what his emergency was and he said that he's been seeing a woman for the last two weeks and he's wanting to get away with her for a long weekend before introducing her to his boys!

Not only that but a few months ago he got drunk at a bbq and really insulted my husband and our neighbour. They were talking about a scout camp that they're helpers on because our boys are going on it and he loudly called over that he couldn't work out if DH and neighbour were "classic scout pedos" or "trying to fuck some old lady scout leaders." Started chanting "pedo pedo pedo" like a football chant and I wouldn't blame DH if he never wanted to talk to him again. He's not apologised for it to either of them because he says he can't remember it and he would have meant it as a joke. Chanting pedo pedo in the street and pointing at my DH and neighbour isn't a joke and could have had horrible repercussions!

Am I right to say absolutely no way I'm doing this?! He's laid it on thick with the "we are so happy" and how they're so looking forward to it, and how wonderful it's going to be for his mental health. I would always have my nephews but not so he can go and have a dirty weekend before bringing yet another woman in and showing his boys once again that they're not the priority for him. Dh has said no way. But I don't want to just say no. I want to tell him he's a cheeky fucker!

OP’s posts: |
WhoNeedsaManOfTheWorld Mon 06-Sep-21 19:11:49

Let him sort his own mess of a life

Lycanthropology Mon 06-Sep-21 19:15:23

He sounds a like a nightmare. And a pathetic, puerile idiot.

As a PP said, let him sort himself and his own childcare out.

Funnylittlefloozie Mon 06-Sep-21 19:15:47

If someone called my partner a paedo, I would have NOTHING to do with them...and they would be under no illusions as to why not.

I'd still be there for the nephews, but no fucking way would i be making his dickhead life easier. I think you have to respect your DHs feelings on this one.

takehomepay Mon 06-Sep-21 19:21:12

He's not a CF, he's a drunken gobshite and shit excuse for a father.

BeaucoupFish Mon 06-Sep-21 19:23:08

Jeremy Kyle Territory 😂

Shoxfordian Mon 06-Sep-21 19:24:05

Yanbu to say no


Natty13 Mon 06-Sep-21 19:26:35

If I was your DH and you did favours for someone who had insulted me that way and tried to pass it off as a joke I'd consider leaving you over that.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves Mon 06-Sep-21 19:26:57

He sounds awful.

thelastgoldeneagle Mon 06-Sep-21 19:27:57

Yanbu. His poor kids.

Jangle33 Mon 06-Sep-21 19:29:49

YANBU 100%. I’d be telling your brother exactly what you think about him. He sounds awful selfish and a pretty terrible dad to boot.

GoWalkabout Mon 06-Sep-21 19:30:12

but not so he can go and have a dirty weekend before bringing yet another woman in and showing his boys once again that they're not the priority for him

Why not tell him this?

Penistoe Mon 06-Sep-21 19:30:29

No way would I allow this. The repercussions for something like that can be life destroying, you have children and could be part of a social services investigation. Anyone who thinks child abuse is a joke can go the back end of fuck off and keep going. He is probably going to gaslight or guilt trip you when you say no so be prepared for that. What poor kids to have a father like this. Are you close to the ex, maybe remain contact with nephews via her.

StartingGrid Mon 06-Sep-21 19:33:12

Ask him why he feels it appropriate to leave his kids with your "pedo" DH, then when he fumbles an answer tell him to go f**k himself!

ShingleBeach Mon 06-Sep-21 19:33:36

“Haha, you cheeky git! This is not an emergency, it is a dirty weekend. I love my nephews and am always happy to see them. But not to facilitate your love life on a weekend that is their ‘Dad time. Also tbh dear bro, you really do need to apologise to DH for the BBQ incident before favours are looked in favourably in this house. Book your weekend for when they are with their Mum. Xx’.

Notaroadrunner Mon 06-Sep-21 19:34:43

Not a chance I'd help him out. He sounds like a right dickhead. Someone needs to sit him down and tell him where his priorities lie and how inappropriate it is to be introducing his string of girlfriends to his poor kids. Unless he has the kids every weekend, he can pick a different weekend to go away.

MadeForThis Mon 06-Sep-21 20:01:02

Say no and tell him why.

ripples101 Mon 06-Sep-21 20:05:29

When you say no, which you absolutely should, your brother will make you feel guilty, and make out that it’s your fault.

If he does that, tell him - he had this problem before he asked you. He still has this problem after he’s asked you. So no way is it your problem.

Your brother sounds awful. Just tell him no. Don’t feel guilty for saying no, and don’t give him any explanation as to why you have said no.

Sneesher Mon 06-Sep-21 20:06:16

He called your DH a pedo.

Why the fuck would you assist him in ditching his kids so he can go and shag his latest victim.

YoComoManzanas Mon 06-Sep-21 20:07:14

I'd be giving him both barrels. Poor kids.

WhatsTheBFD Mon 06-Sep-21 20:11:55


My Uncle is the same. He has a 13YO (same age as my eldest DD) and he’s had about 7 step Mums. He also has a 5YO (same age as my youngest DD) who he doesn’t see because his Mums “crazy” hmm No, she was actually so worn down after 7 years of his excessive drinking and tantrums that she left when their child was a baby and being as he can’t drag a baby to the pub with him, he’s just never bothered his arse.

He buys a house with them, whilst renting out the one he’s lived in for about 30 years, relationship goes to shit (because he’s a massive twat, a cheat, and at the very least, verbally abusive), poor tenants get a S21, he moves back in, and a maximum of 8 weeks later there’s someone else.

My Dad can’t stand him and sees him once a year for Christmas. I’ve managed to dodge him for 4 years now grin

Returnoftheowl Mon 06-Sep-21 20:13:08

Not a chance I'm afraid.

If my husband considered doing a favour for someone who had insulted me that badly I'd having a very serious conversation with him.

It's not your responsibility to facilitate his dirty weekend away.

All favours stop until he apologises.

overnightangel Mon 06-Sep-21 20:14:46

He’s not a CF, he’s a worthless wreck of a man with no redeeming qualities , tell him to get to fuck

NotAnotherBloodyNameChange Mon 06-Sep-21 20:19:36

I’d worry who he would palm them of on. As he’s such a CF he’s not likely to put them first us he?

Re the paedo thing -DH is a scout leader, someone called him that. He was very upset.

It’s a vile thing to say so I don’t blame your DH for saying no.

AngelPrint Mon 06-Sep-21 20:25:34

You would be unreasonable to enable him to hurt his kids again. Don’t make it easy for him to drag another barely dated for 2 weeks woman into their lives. So no YANBU to say no. In fact I think you owe it to your nephews to stop facilitating his ridiculous shit father ways.

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