To buy the same item as a close friend?

(390 Posts)
lucyli Mon 23-Aug-21 05:53:56

Firstly I apologise that this is the epitome of a first world problem. I acknowledge I am fortunate to have this problem and that there are many bigger things to worry about.

I have decided to make a high-end purchase from a well-known brand. I've never done this before but am at the stage in my life where I would like to do so.

I spend a long while researching, chose what I wanted and planned to head to the shops in a few days.

Was just chatting to a close friend and it turns out she has the exact same item and is annoyed that I'd buy the same and said she'd rather I didn't. I wasn't aware of this before.

I struggle to understand this mentality as it's not something that would concern me at all the other way around.

Her argument is that she didn't spend all that money, just to have someone close to her have the exact same item.

AIBU to buy it anyway? I was so pleased with the idea of having it and was excited to buy it.

OP’s posts: |
RavingAnnie Thu 26-Aug-21 19:47:43

I had a "friend" say similar to me once when I saw a bag they had which I loved. No understanding of why they'd care at all whether I had the bag as well. Bizarre way of thinking. She showed her true colours in the end in more ways than just the weird bag issue and we no longer talk. Wish I'd bought the bag now.

Bunnycat101 Thu 26-Aug-21 19:43:12

Quite shocked at the piece of the goyard totes. I’d much rather just get a longchamp for £90 than spend silly money on oilcloth.

I am lusting after lots of the mulberry bags at the moment. I got a Bayswater after wanting it for ages during my 20s (and before kids) but then barely used it as I prefer bags with a strap rather than handles. I love it but it was a bit of a waste.

GreatEelRun Thu 26-Aug-21 18:23:26

Don’t buy the Neverfull. Everyone has got them. If you want an LV buy the Artsy which is much nicer and watch your friend squirm when you turn up with the better one.

The only way to deal with someone like this is to have fun with it. Tell her you bought that one as you took her comments onboard.

EspressoDoubleShot Thu 26-Aug-21 17:02:52

Great thing is there is lots of Ways to express yourself and at all budgets

EspressoDoubleShot Thu 26-Aug-21 16:51:27

Style & aesthetic are a representation of ourselves our personality and yes there an aspect of showing off

If clothing was Simply about utility we’d buy any item that fits and maintains decency from any store. But it’s more than utility style and fashion is preferred colour, fabric, print , fit

So by choosing to eschew brands and high cost items you’re actually making a style statement just as much as the person buying an expensive bag. Chosing what is important to you and what’s not

Great thing is there is lots of

RampantIvy Thu 26-Aug-21 12:07:17

Excellent post @MrsCalypsoGrant. My friends and I don't behave like 6 year olds over our possessions.

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cravingmilkshake Thu 26-Aug-21 11:12:59

And to answer your question, yea buy the same bag. It's a bag. They make multiple lines of them. Same as black leggings !

GreenTortoise Thu 26-Aug-21 11:11:29

I suggest your 'friend' spends her money on a decent sewing machine and fabrics of her choice if she really doesn't want people 'copying' her. She sounds like an absolutely wet blanket.

MrsCalypsoGrant Thu 26-Aug-21 11:06:53

In the same way that I read Mumsnet & feel disappointed at the poor quality of relationships that many women seem happy to accept, I'm disappointed that so many women seem to find it acceptable to have the sort of friendship where one person feels it appropriate or acceptable to try to them what they can buy, use or wear. It's the sort of thing you'd expect from fifth formers, not grown women.

In relationships & friendships, my approach is to think whether I would bring the sort of behaviour being meted out to me to the other person's door. I would never think to do something so immature & petty as to ask a friend not to buy the same bag that I had. Genuinely, I'm finding this as baffling as it is ridiculous.

And anyone who thinks that a reliable & decent friend would tell other people that you copied them for buying the same bag (copied them? Really? Are we in Hollyoaks here?) seriously needs to up their bar in terms of friendship.

RampantIvy Thu 26-Aug-21 10:51:40

I'm as baffled as you @cravingmilkshake

cravingmilkshake Thu 26-Aug-21 10:42:35

But I don't understand why it would ruin the enjoyment of the bag, and you would have to check that one of you are using it beforehand?

Is this actually a thing?

My group of friends and I wear very similar or the same shoes and outfits, look fairly similar if we met up for the day. No one comments/even bats an eye lid.

thelonghaul Thu 26-Aug-21 09:19:31

Well, for me, it's unfortunate that you had the conversation. If you hadn't, you could have happily bought the bag and then laughed over the fact you'd both bought the same.
But now, I think you should find something else. The bag now has baggage. Your friend won't be happy and will probably make comments about having bought first and why did you copy her. It will spoil her enjoyment of her bag and, potentially, your enjoyment of yours. You'll have to check you're not using it when you're likely to see her.
Would it bother me? Maybe. It might depend on how much I'd spent on it and how much I'd invested in it emotionally (I know, it only a bag but.....).
It all sounds like part of the joy will have been sucked out of it.

EmpressWitchDoesntBurn Thu 26-Aug-21 09:16:08

Since most of my bags have slogans like Woman: Adult Human Female & Keep Prisons Single Sex, I'd be delighted to see other women with them!

I've got a couple of very colourful jackets which I wear all the time & have never seen anyone else with. If one of my friends bought one I would assume she'd got the idea from me, but I'd be surprised, amused & mildly flattered more than anything else.

cravingmilkshake Thu 26-Aug-21 08:52:48

As a woman I really don't understand why women are like this.

My close friends would be so happy to share where they bought it etc and wouldn't mind in the slightest!

MPatz27 Thu 26-Aug-21 07:01:57

@lucyli have you tried Sarah Haran bags? My friends and I all love them because you can style them with loads of cool accessories to make them individual to you, meaning that even if you have the same bag, it never looks the same. Since I've started shopping there I've never looked back at another bag brand! x

RampantIvy Wed 25-Aug-21 23:07:14

Lightisnotwhite

*I wonder what kind of friends they have who get upset when their friends have the same taste in bags.*

Ok so you may not get the bag thing. So what about an identical pair expensive shoes, or a car? A kitchen? Soft furnishings? Haircut?
I bet there’s something that would make you think ,” really, you couldn’t have found something different from me given the infinite amount of choices you had”?

Nope. I still don't get why people feel competitive about possessions, haircuts
furnishings etc. I really don't. I wouldn't care at all if someone thought my car was so good that they would buy the same model.

I doubt that anyone would want to copy my taste in shoes grin

I don't dress, furnish my house, buy a car, get a haircut etc to be unique. I just do these things to please me. If someone else happens to have the same taste, then so what.

There are far more important things to worryt about in life than matching bags.

Lightisnotwhite Wed 25-Aug-21 22:47:33

EspressoDoubleShot

It’s the competitive underspending and thrift to the point of pain
Quite frankly if the op has income and can afford it, why not buy the bag
Fortunately there’s a huge array of bags,multiple retailers, from big stores to independent and hand made stalls.one can chose from a huge range. I have 40+ bags, multiple colours, sizes and brands. I look after them, and they get a clean and refurbished at handbag clinic. I have also sold them on at at good return as I keep them clean,keep the receipts,paperwork etc to vouch for authenticity

And that’s great if that’s what floats your boat. But for some of us bags are an anathema.
I have several bags and I think they look good with my style,. But primarily they are to carry my stuff in. I’m never going to spend £1k on something to carry stuff in because it won’t carry stuff any better than a much cheaper bag. There are a zillion bags that look very similar in whatever style you like.
Something that’s a grand just so you can have a grands worth of bag is just to show off, be honest.

Lightisnotwhite Wed 25-Aug-21 22:35:41

I wonder what kind of friends they have who get upset when their friends have the same taste in bags.

Ok so you may not get the bag thing. So what about an identical pair expensive shoes, or a car? A kitchen? Soft furnishings? Haircut?
I bet there’s something that would make you think ,” really, you couldn’t have found something different from me given the infinite amount of choices you had”?

EspressoDoubleShot Wed 25-Aug-21 22:03:37

It’s the competitive underspending and thrift to the point of pain
Quite frankly if the op has income and can afford it, why not buy the bag
Fortunately there’s a huge array of bags,multiple retailers, from big stores to independent and hand made stalls.one can chose from a huge range. I have 40+ bags, multiple colours, sizes and brands. I look after them, and they get a clean and refurbished at handbag clinic. I have also sold them on at at good return as I keep them clean,keep the receipts,paperwork etc to vouch for authenticity

Gwenhwyfar Wed 25-Aug-21 21:55:22

EspressoDoubleShot

Any handbag thread always attracts the I wouldn’t spend tuppence on a bag crew. They counter on how they spend two Bob on a canvas sack from a charity shop. It used to hung on a hook in the abattoir, stinks a bit, dogs follow you when it’s hot, but hell why waste money on a frippery like a bag. They need smelling salts if a bag costs more than £9.99 and only have the one, bag the aforementioned bag.

As opposed to buying an ugly brown thing with no zip for more than 1k?

EspressoDoubleShot Wed 25-Aug-21 21:49:00

Any handbag thread always attracts the I wouldn’t spend tuppence on a bag crew. They counter on how they spend two Bob on a canvas sack from a charity shop. It used to hung on a hook in the abattoir, stinks a bit, dogs follow you when it’s hot, but hell why waste money on a frippery like a bag. They need smelling salts if a bag costs more than £9.99 and only have the one, bag the aforementioned bag.

Beautiful3 Wed 25-Aug-21 16:47:14

Ooh glad you've found a nicer alternative. Please post a pic of the bag you've bought.

LimitIsUp Wed 25-Aug-21 16:25:14

Ah, I see you've got a different bag now

LimitIsUp Wed 25-Aug-21 16:24:14

I would still buy it

Your friend sounds hard work

Toooldforthis321 Wed 25-Aug-21 15:42:15

I have never heard of Goyard bags before so I googled it.
Genuine question, am I missing something?confused
They look like they're made from oilcloth, and even on ebay, are selling for £500 secondhand...

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