To ask Aquarium to put a radar lock on the disabled toilet

[Worrysaboutalot]

We went to a large aquarium centre today for DC2’s birthday. It was very busy with many families enjoying the centre. We had a great day out

As I am in a wheelchair, I have no choice in which bathroom I can use, I had to use the disabled toilet.

I had to wait until a mother and a couple of younger kids came out of the disabled toilet which surprised me. As it looked unlikely that any of the younger kids would need nappies.

Then I went in this was a dedicated disabled (not accessible) toilet with no baby change facilities! I do understand that the first mother might have an invisible disability, as might her children. So thought no more on it.

All the time I was in, the door handle was being rattled and I kept calling out that the toilet was occupied, which was frustrating.
When I left and an impatient mother with a pram was waiting to go in. I told her that there was no nappy changing facilities in that toilet, assuming she wanting to change the baby. But she snapped at me that she was a mother and had to use this toilet gesturing to the pram.

I felt that this second mother was just entitled and rude. Having a pram doesn’t entitle you to use a disabled toilet. Use the end toilet in the women’s bathroom, with the door open and the pram in the toilet doorway, like everyone else does.

Years ago, I had 4 kids under 6yo at one stage and I never used the disability toilets, except for the baby changing ones for baby changing purposes.

Therefore, AIBU to have asked the aquarium centre to add a radar lock to the bathroom. AS this was the ONLY disabled toilet, and the baby change facilities were separate. To increase the likelihood of ringfencing these limited facilities for those who actually need them, rather than those people who want to use them.

[Confiscatedpopit]

How do you mean use the toilet with the door open? I for one would not be doing so. I’m entitled to use the toilet privately regardless of whether I’m a mother or not!

I sympathize with you, but as someone with Chrons I can see the other side.

[Mumtoone3]

Was there another dedicated toilet with changing facilities that could accommodate the pram? If not, then I would say YABU. Who realistically wants to go to the toilet with the door wide open so other people could potentially see? Also, I wouldn’t judge those coming out of disabled toilets. I am young (mid 20’s) and always get dirty looks when coming out of a disabled toilets and extremely puzzled looks when I ask for the key… what they don’t know is that I’ve had severe rheumatoid arthritis since I was a teenager and struggle to get on and off a normal toilet seat!

[SpongebobNoPants]

I felt that this second mother was just entitled and rude. Having a pram doesn’t entitle you to use a disabled toilet. Use the end toilet in the women’s bathroom, with the door open and the pram in the toilet doorway, like everyone else do

Please tell me you’re joking? I’m sorry you felt annoyed at people also wanting to use the facilities but you can’t surely expect women to go to the toilet with the door open in a public place

[Dobbyafreeelf]

Yes I'm afraid YABU. Your energy would be better spent suggesting increasing the number of disabled toilets! It's not for you or anyone else to judge who should and should not use the disabled loo!

[neverknowinglyunreasonable]

I'm kind of with you.

It must be frustrating having to wait when there are shared disabled/baby change toilets (and the aquarium sounds even worse) however you lost me when you suggested I just shit in the regular toilet with the door open.

[AntiSocialDistancer]

I presume I will get flamed here but as a sinp

[Shirleyphallus]

People without disabilities shouldn’t use the disabled toilet

But there should also be adequate facilities in place for women to use the loo a pram. Your suggestion of using the loo with the door open isn’t appropriate.

[JumperooSue]

Totally unreasonable to expect an adult woman to feel comfortable taking a wee with the door wide open. Why should she do that? What if she needed to change her tampon or sanitary pad, do you expect her to do that with the door open crammed into a small stall with a pram blocking the door?!

Anytime I’ve been out alone with a pram and there’s no baby changing room with a toilet I’ll use the disabled loo. She was wrong to repeatedly rattle the handle but otherwise YABU

[AntiSocialDistancer]

Posted too soon,

As a woman on my own with a pram I would use a large disabled toilets yes. I wouldnt harras or snipe anyone using them though.

[Aroundtheworldin80moves]

There should be family toilets at a family attraction. In addition to facilities for disabled visitors.

[EverdeRose]

YABVU

As you've said you have no idea if either of those women had a hidden disability, its not your job to question people on their motives for using a certain toilet.

[Potatoy]

I understand but there's no way she could use the toilet with the doors open. There's all sorts of weirdos.

[bakingdemon]

I have been that mother left with no choice but to pee with the door open because there are no toilet stalls in the women's loos big enough to take a pram. It is horrid, and shows how little women, especially mothers, are considered in design.

It must be frustrating for her, but I think your anger is misplaced when directed at that poor mum.

[x2boys]

I see your point but you cant assume the first mother with children, the children didnt wear nappies, my severly autistic eleven year old has only just come out of pull ups in the past 12 months, so yes i would use the disabled loo with him if i needed to change him, i have a radar key.

[Potatoy]

@bakingdemon

I have been that mother left with no choice but to pee with the door open because there are no toilet stalls in the women's loos big enough to take a pram. It is horrid, and shows how little women, especially mothers, are considered in design.

It must be frustrating for her, but I think your anger is misplaced when directed at that poor mum.

That is bad. And something I'd not considered before. How can we change this? Start a petition?

[Buttons294749]

I have done the door open thing and I have terrible IBS so I don't have a side to argue, but realistically women won't be able to insert tampons etc with a whole load of strangers/potentially male people able to see. Especially true for women who are devoutly religious and not comfortable with public nudity.

Realistically the thing to be annoyed about is the lack of parent friendly loos. Where I live they have AMAZING parent and child loos and it makes such a difference.

[HavelockVetinari]

You're absolutely right - when my DC were too little to leave outside I brought them into the cubicle. It's crowded and annoying, but loads better than being disabled with no choice.

There is a small but vocal group of very entitled parents out there who assume that reproducing makes them better or more important than anyone else, including folk with actual disabilities.

[QueenAdreena]

Yeah, you’re being totally unreasonable here.

I get judgemental looks for using the disabled loo with my DC. What a lot of people wouldn’t realise is that they’re autistic and just getting them into any public toilet is a bloody ordeal - using a quiet disabled toilet makes things that little bit easier, but they do look perfectly able bodied; hence the judgemental looks. I also used to use the disabled loo if any of them were in a pram and I had no one to watch them - trying to squeeze into the ladies with a pram is a nightmare and like fuck am I going with the door open, I have IBD and like a little privacy, thanks. But I wouldn’t declare that to you, because it’s none of your business. And even for those who don’t have any issues, they’re still entitled to some privacy.

I never judge anyone who uses a disabled facility as it’s not up to me to judge whether they’re in need or not. Ask for more disabled/parent friendly facilities if you’re that bothered.

[Worrysaboutalot]

@x2boys

I see your point but you cant assume the first mother with children, the children didnt wear nappies, my severly autistic eleven year old has only just come out of pull ups in the past 12 months, so yes i would use the disabled loo with him if i needed to change him, i have a radar key.

Yes, I assumed the first mother and/or children might have needed the disabled facilities.

[Theloftmonster]

Why are the disabled community expected to campaign for extra disabled loos rather than parents being expected to campaign for family friendly toilets?

You do not use the disabled toilet unless you are disabled or it is also an allocated baby change area.

[Legomania]

I have previously seen a lot of people on MN suggest people use a normal loo with the pushchair across the door - I never did this, and I never saw anyone else doing it either. Becoming a parent doesn't mean you lose all desire for privacy!
Obviously I would use a mixed use loo if one was available.

[HavelockVetinari]

@bakingdemon

I have been that mother left with no choice but to pee with the door open because there are no toilet stalls in the women's loos big enough to take a pram. It is horrid, and shows how little women, especially mothers, are considered in design.

It must be frustrating for her, but I think your anger is misplaced when directed at that poor mum.

Why didn't you just take the DC into the cubicle? It's annoying but if it's a choice between public nudity or waking a crap-sleeping baby/toddler I'd do the former any time!

[Imnothereforthedrama]

I have a radar key for my disabled son , sometimes forget it though, but I wouldn’t have any problem with a woman with a pram using the toilet because well she can’t leave the pram outside.

[EdwinasPuppy]

I don't understand.... you needed a wee and you went, but now you want to stop other people from having a wee?

Chill out OP and let the poor woman pee in peace!

[Potatoy]

@Theloftmonster

Why are the disabled community expected to campaign for extra disabled loos rather than parents being expected to campaign for family friendly toilets?

You do not use the disabled toilet unless you are disabled or it is also an allocated baby change area.

I think there should be a campaign for family friendly toilets. I had no idea people were having to pee with the door open.