'Friend' made a comment about my hair and I'm so fucking angry with her.

(311 Posts)
LordOfTheThings Mon 09-Aug-21 13:41:54

I'm a year post chemo. My hair has grown back but it's nowhere near as thick as it was before I lost it but it's ok, I'm still here so I can live with it.

I keep it quite short (long pixie type cut), partly because it's still not grown as much as I would have liked and partly because it starts to look even thinner if I try to grow it longer.

Friend, and I use the term loosely as she's really a friend of a friend said 'I much preferred your hair before, why do you keep it so short now I'm not sure you suit it'. I, being a fucking mug, just kind of mumbled a stupid reply and walked off and I'm so cross with myself. I think I was so taken aback.

I did prefer my hair before. I also preferred having breasts before and not feeling constantly worried about cancer coming back either. Maybe I'm just super sensitive but I'm SO upset. I want to message her and tell her I think she was out of order but not sure if I'm just being super touchy?

OP’s posts: |
MrsHamlet Mon 09-Aug-21 13:43:20

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

FlorenceNightshade Mon 09-Aug-21 13:44:08

Write the message. Even if you don’t send it, write it and let it out. I’m sorry she was so thoughtless and has upset you. flowers

Changechangychange Mon 09-Aug-21 13:44:29

I did prefer my hair before. I also preferred having breasts before and not feeling constantly worried about cancer coming back either

Text that to her. She is either monumentally stupid, or a malicious bitch, and I wouldn’t want to stay friends with her either way.

Hungry675tf Mon 09-Aug-21 13:44:36

No you're definitely not being over sensitive. She was being awful. I am raging for you flowers

I'd text her something like what you've said to be honest. She doesn't care about your feelings so why on earth should you give a shit about hers. I'd also tell any mutual friends what she said in case she tries to control the narrative of the fallout.

MrsHamlet Mon 09-Aug-21 13:44:42

My best friend has cancer. She has no hair at the moment.
Given the choice, I'd prefer her to have hair. But I'd rather she be as bald as a coot to try to kill the cancer.

LtDansleg Mon 09-Aug-21 13:44:44

She may genuinely have no idea of the reason why you keep it short so I’d try not to take too much offence at her comment, even though it’s a stupid and insensitive comment to make either way.

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CapitanSandy Mon 09-Aug-21 13:45:24

That’s awful so sorry you had to hear that. Does she have form for being so rude?

BootsScootsAndToots Mon 09-Aug-21 13:45:35

Wow. What a terrible thing to say. To anyone! Let alone someone she knows that has gone through so much.

Absolutely send her a message.

Congratulations on beating cancer! flowers

sarahcottonburg123 Mon 09-Aug-21 13:46:35

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Freddiefox Mon 09-Aug-21 13:47:02

Send her a message, put it back on her. Tell her you used to love you hair and this is as good as it’s going to get. Tell her how unkind her comment

RyanReynoldsHusband Mon 09-Aug-21 13:47:13

She’s a see you next Tuesday.

romdowa Mon 09-Aug-21 13:47:27

I'd text her exactly what you said here. What an insensitive cow.

Rabbitheadlights Mon 09-Aug-21 13:49:05

Absolutely message her OP, she needs to know how fucking careless and inappropriate her comment was.

I'd say exactly what you said in your OP

DEAR "friend"

You caught me a little of gaurd earlier/yesterday but just fyi *
I did prefer my hair before. I also preferred having breasts before and not feeling constantly worried about cancer coming back either* thanks for the confidence boost/ consideration/ thought before opening your fat trap!

Yours

LordOfTheThings

ZaraCarmichaelshighheels Mon 09-Aug-21 13:49:13

Changechangychange

*I did prefer my hair before. I also preferred having breasts before and not feeling constantly worried about cancer coming back either*

Text that to her. She is either monumentally stupid, or a malicious bitch, and I wouldn’t want to stay friends with her either way.

Agree with this, honestly some people need to be told they are totally out of order.

tiredofthisshit21 Mon 09-Aug-21 13:49:40

I would definitely write the message - what an insensitive thing to say. My mum has been through similar and thankfully kept her hair although it has thinned. I focus on telling her how lovely it's looking.

SuzieTu Mon 09-Aug-21 13:50:51

Changechangychange

*I did prefer my hair before. I also preferred having breasts before and not feeling constantly worried about cancer coming back either*

Text that to her. She is either monumentally stupid, or a malicious bitch, and I wouldn’t want to stay friends with her either way.

Yes to this. What a stupid insensitive individual she must be.

BalloonSlayer Mon 09-Aug-21 13:51:22

It might not have occurred to her. Why not text and say "Dear x, the reason my hair looks different is the effect of the chemotherapy I had for my cancer. LordoftheThings" (no kisses)

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba Mon 09-Aug-21 13:51:28

does she know you went through chemo?

if yes, she's a vile cunt

if no, then her comment is neither here nor there but I'd still be angry too.

gentle hugs, I hope bastard cancer has now fucked off and will never return. ❤

Popetthetreehugger Mon 09-Aug-21 13:51:54

💐💐💐 so many congratulations 🎉 on your good health !! As for that stupid cow , ignore, if she says anything at all to you tell her to fuck off !! 🤬 if you want to send her a text , you were very
Eloquent , yes you’d rather thicker hair and boobs but you picked life … so there you go ! Again so happy for you 🙌

ChequerBoard Mon 09-Aug-21 13:52:20

So sorry the 'friend' was such an insensitive clod. It's a shit thing to say to someone regardless of the circumstances. It's purely a comment designed to make you feel crap.

I would text something like:
"I'm not sure if you know but the reason my hair is short now and is thinner than it used to be is because I've been through breast cancer and chemo. People don't always make big changes like this through choice and your words really hurt. Perhaps you could think a bit before making comments about people's personal appearance in future."

Liverbird77 Mon 09-Aug-21 13:52:34

flowers
What an insensitive woman.

0blio Mon 09-Aug-21 13:54:44

Message deleted by MNHQ. Quotes deleted post

Tlollj Mon 09-Aug-21 13:55:31

Does she know?
Makes a massive difference between just being rude and being stunningly awful.

MagnoliaBeige Mon 09-Aug-21 13:55:39

If she knows your history, I’d absolutely text her “ I did prefer my hair before. I also preferred having breasts before and not feeling constantly worried about cancer coming back either”

If she doesn’t know your history, I’d text her “You may not be aware but I’ve had cancer. I did prefer my hair before. I also preferred having breasts before and not feeling constantly worried about cancer coming back either. Perhaps next time don’t make personal comments about someone’s appearance when you have no clue about what’s going on with them”

I hope you’re doing ok smile

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