AIBU to tell gf I can't be dealing with the kids tonight

(61 Posts)
jones88 Sun 01-Aug-21 20:48:39

ive been with my gf for a while. She has two dc from a previous relationship and they spend the weekends with their dad. We dont live together but I spend my weekends with her.
Since its been the summer holidays, the kids have been coming home from their dads late, usually when they get back, I play a bit of lego with them or we play on the switch etc. Today I asked my gf what time kids will be coming home as I was going to cook us all dinner. She told me they'd be home later and are having dinner at dads.
Around 7:30 they were not back and I made a comment to my gf saying 'not going to lie im shattered today, probably won't spend much time with kids today as I want an early night'. (I have an early morning commute)

she started saying I am nasty, how can I say that etc. she then started saying 'did I tell you that you need to play with kids tonight, no I never so why even say it'.

I explained that I would spend a bit of time with the kids but I will be getting an early night. She's insisting I said 'I can't deal with the kids tonight' which I can't remember but I explained to her that I was tired, had an early commute and would spend time with them but would then get an early night

she then made a remark 'bet you never said that to your ex'. this is in reference to my previous relationship where my ex had children. I was fuming with my gf as just yesterday I told her to stop comparing herself to my exes which she constantly does and today she says this but she thinks im BU for saying I couldn't be dealing with kids

ive gone home as I was very annoyed at her, so who is bu

OP’s posts: |
Macncheeseballs Sun 01-Aug-21 20:54:21

I'm not sure why it's your job to play with her kids

TSSDNCOP Sun 01-Aug-21 20:58:20

In your shoes I think I would stay at home for quite a bit longer.

clickychicky Sun 01-Aug-21 21:00:03

Why on earth is she bringing your ex into it?

MrsSkylerWhite Sun 01-Aug-21 21:01:12


Aquamarine1029 Sun 01-Aug-21 21:01:52

Do yourself a massive favour and end this relationship now. It's doomed.

MorriseysGladioli Sun 01-Aug-21 21:02:36

She is being unreasonable, but it's very easy to be defensive if you (wrongly, in this case) think someone is getting at your children.


Justgettingbye Sun 01-Aug-21 21:02:43

Not your kids not your problem IMO. I wouldn't get involved tbh

30degreesandmeltinghere Sun 01-Aug-21 21:02:47

It was many years before I had expectations of my bf with my dc...
Is she trying to prove a point? As in her dc mean more to you than exes did?

ElspethFlashman Sun 01-Aug-21 21:03:25

Her kids are not your obligation, and you playing with them is a courtesy, not a requirement. You do not live with them and are not even an Uncle.

How long have you been together?

Still1nLove Sun 01-Aug-21 21:03:46

Or doesn’t sound like you are being unreasonable. Maybe don’t stay there when her kids are there

inmyslippers Sun 01-Aug-21 21:04:22

Sounds hard work

KarmaStar Sun 01-Aug-21 21:05:09


Missingtheedge Sun 01-Aug-21 21:07:08

YANBU They are her kids, not yours, so you are under no obligation to play with them but it’s good that you make the effort to.

I wouldn’t be moving in with her anytime soon if this is a regular attitude that you get.

AlmostSummer21 Sun 01-Aug-21 21:09:30

Why did you even bring it up in the first place? Why not just play/don't play as you feel like at the time?

Whole thing just sounds weird.

toocold54 Sun 01-Aug-21 21:25:46

She is definitely BU not you.
If you want to stay in this relationship then I would not make it a habit that you are there every day and play with the kids at a certain time etc as it sounds like when you want to do something different she takes it as a personal attack.

2LostSoulsSwimmingInAFishBowl Sun 01-Aug-21 21:32:29

YANBU, there’s more times I’m willing to admit that I’m praying I can pack my own biological kids off to bed quickly because I’m knackered. You’re not these kid’s parent and you don’t live there so you absolutely have the option to call it a night whenever and go home.

From what you’ve said, your girlfriend is going to be a massive pain in the arse to you longterm unless she changes her ways (the snide comments about your ex and what sounds like twisting your words). Good luck.

LibertyFLiberty Sun 01-Aug-21 21:38:31

Are you the same guy that posted recently about girlfriend? If so, she is toxic. Time to leave.

Anotherday21 Sun 01-Aug-21 21:39:10

She sounds quite immature tbh. YANBU at all.

m0therofdragons Sun 01-Aug-21 21:47:47

There’s plenty of times I don’t want to deal with my kids so it’s not even an insult but to expect someone else to do it, just weird. Might have been tone so I’d not make a massive thing on this occasion.

MyMabel Sun 01-Aug-21 21:51:00

Jesus, the ex comments sounds really gaslighting (is that the right word to use?) and exhausting.

Darbs76 Sun 01-Aug-21 21:55:52

You are not BU, she is. Agree, move on

LIZS Sun 01-Aug-21 21:57:07

Unless you had promised the dc you would be there yanbu.

MyShoelaceIsUndone Sun 01-Aug-21 21:58:57

God forbid anyone needs an early night. I’d have done what you did and gone home too.

BMW6 Sun 01-Aug-21 21:59:58

It's not you, it's her.

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