AIBU to think she should have just said no to the sleepover?

(68 Posts)
aimbu123456789 Sun 01-Aug-21 01:20:04

Name changed for this and apologies for the lengthy post.

DD (11) has a friend staying over tonight for a sleepover. It was planned a few days ago and I asked the friends parents who were more than happy for their DD (also 11) to stay over and thanked me saying how excited their DD was.
The friend was dropped off by her DM at around 4pm and everything was going great. Girls had a takeaway, played board games, painted their nails, had facemasks, took the dog for a walk, went to get sweets, played with make up and planned to watch both princess diaries movies. They were having a proper girlie night.
Anyways at around 10pm the friends DM sent me text asking if everything was going OK, I said it was, and then sent another text letting me know that they're seeing family tomorrow and that she'll be picking her DD up on the way at at around 9:30am and that she hopes her DD will be able to get some sleep and won't be too tired during the day. I had no idea that they had something planned until that text.
At that point my DD and the friend were half way through the second princess diaries movie and eating popcorn. So I went up and told them to change into their pyjamas and told them it was bed time after the movie ended as I now had to wake the friend up at 8:00am so she could can get changed and have breakfast before her DM picked her up. Girls were a little disappointed as I'd previously told them they could stay up un until midnight as I thought they could have a lie in and friend could go home early afternoon.
I told the friend that I'd spoken to her DM and that she'll have to wake up at 8:00am, thinking she wouldn't know about the event planned for the following day as I genuinely thought it was a last minute thing as I only found out about it myself at 10pm but after speaking to the friend I found out this family gathering been planned for a while.
I feel so uncomfortable and stressed as it was pushing 11pm by the time the movie ended and I told the girls they needed to get some sleep but naturally, as you'd expect in a sleepover, they're still wide awake and there is little sign of sleep. Lights are off but they're still talking, laughing, getting out of bed, tv being switched on to watch YouTube etc and I'd be surprised if they're asleep before 3am. They're currently asking the Alexa in DDs room to make funny fart and burping burping noises and to tell funny jokes. They're not being overly loud and naughty, they're just being kids having fun.
I've been up twice to tell them to try and get some sleep but it's pointless and to be honest I don't want to spoil their fun. It's the first sleepover DD has had before the lockdown and I feel really bad for her and for the friend for being such a bore.
AIBU to think the friends DM should have just said no to the sleepover knowing her DD had an early start and a busy day with family, and if she would have said something when I first asked if her DD could stay over then I would have and rescheduled for another more convenient night. What do I say to the DM when she picks up her DD and she's clearly knackered from little sleep and all the excitement? I feel like I'll be blamed because she notified me, even though it was very last minute, that her DD has an early start and her DD is clearly having a very late night.

OP’s posts: |
plodalong12 Sun 01-Aug-21 01:34:28

Why are you that bothered? It’s not like you’re the one who has to drag around an overtired and probably grumpy child the next day.

Ozanj Sun 01-Aug-21 01:36:50

Don’t worry about it.

Mediumred Sun 01-Aug-21 01:38:50

Yeah, don’t worry, you have tried, you can’t MAKE kids sleep on a sleepover, if they are coming as early as 9.30 then maybe it is a longish drive and she can sleep in the car?

Sparklesocks Sun 01-Aug-21 01:39:29

Kids get overexcited at sleepovers and stay up, that’s just what they do. You know that, the other mum knows that - all you can do is tell them to go to sleep but you can’t control if they don’t.

Also do they really need 90 mins to get up and have breakfast?

Christoncrutches Sun 01-Aug-21 01:41:29

Defo dont get her up until 9am and just chuck some toast at her in the morning - she’ll be grand…

Aquamarine1029 Sun 01-Aug-21 01:41:40

I can't even begin to understand why you're in such a lather about this. No one is dying. The girl will be perfectly fine, a bit knackered, but fine. Her mother should have said no to the sleepover if she was so paranoid about her daughter being tired.


converseandjeans Sun 01-Aug-21 01:41:57

Why would you wake her up at 8 - surely she doesn't need 90!mis to eat breakfast?

I think you're over thinking it all.

user1471457751 Sun 01-Aug-21 01:43:14

If the mum isn't coming until around 9.30, can't you just wake them at close to 9?

Insert1x20p Sun 01-Aug-21 01:44:13

I’d get them up 8:45. But yes, not really your fault. I generally say no to SOs if we have big plans the next day or make it conditional on them being sensible about going to sleep ( DS has a friend sleeping over as they’re both doing a sports course today so they know they can’t be wrecked). But if you don’t know about it you can’t do anything and she told you way too late.

Bellyups Sun 01-Aug-21 01:49:07

It’s the mother’s place to be concerned, not yours. If the family thing was arranged for a while, and her mum still agreed to sleepover then you really should just relax.

HadEnoughofOtherThreads Sun 01-Aug-21 01:54:08

It’s not your fault. The Mum should have informed your earlier or suggested another day for a sleepover. Most people know that kids will be up late during a sleepover.

Wake her up at 9am, suggest she cleans her teeth and face and offer her some cereal, toast, fruit and extras to eat in the car.

DeflatedGinDrinker Sun 01-Aug-21 02:01:49

Get her up 30 mins before collection and if she's tired who cares. Not your problem.

MaintainTheMolehill Sun 01-Aug-21 02:07:19

The mum should have made it clear from the start, not at 10pm.
Shes been a bit silly though, my dd is 10 and after a sleepover she spends the day napping on and off to catch up on her sleep.

Canigooutyet Sun 01-Aug-21 02:29:32

I would have kept my promise of midnight in the hope they'd be tired. Then wake her up at 9. Don't know why she would need an hour and half.

melj1213 Sun 01-Aug-21 02:34:17

Yabu - let the kids do what they want, the friend's tiredness tomorrow morning is their parents' problem not yours.

As for the morning why the hell do you need to wake them up at 8am if she is being picked up at 9.30?!? 8.50, wake up, washed, dressed, pack their stuff up, throw some toast and cereal on the table and out of the door at 9.30 ...

ZenNudist Sun 01-Aug-21 02:41:10

9am wake up be fine. The mum won't expect you to even answer the door just let dd see her friend out.

ZenNudist Sun 01-Aug-21 02:42:29

Can your dd feed her friend? My ds is 10 and whenever he has sleepovers they're up and had cereal themselves.

PluggingAway Sun 01-Aug-21 02:43:17

Stop worrying about it. Go to bed. If they get so silly that they wake you up then go and tell them to be quiet.

If she's tired when she gets collected in the morning then that's not really your problem, nor is it your fault. Her mum was a bit silly to let her go to a sleep over the night before something important, and she didn't even bother telling you about it until quite late. I'm sure she'll learn a lesson from it. No big deal.

Maggiesfarm Sun 01-Aug-21 02:55:15

They are 11, not 7. There should be no problem in the girl getting up in time to be picked up at 9.30am.

You've done your best, op.

DramaAlpaca Sun 01-Aug-21 02:57:49

Relax and go to bed. Don't worry about it. Wake her at 9 and fling some toast at her. She'll be tired but that's her family's problem, not yours. Let them have fun.

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth Sun 01-Aug-21 03:06:14

Are you a bit of a worrier generally op? I can't see why you changed their midnight plans or why you'd wake them at 8. Her tired child is not your problem

LimeRedBanana Sun 01-Aug-21 03:06:41


This really isn’t your problem.

And why would you wake them at 8, if she’s not being collected until 9.30…?

In any case, it doesn’t matter how late they go to bed, they will not be sleeping in. They’re 11. I highly doubt you will need to wake them, because they’ll be awake anyway!

LifesNotEnidBlyton Sun 01-Aug-21 03:07:11

Well you should have just ignored her or made it into a joke "Haha! No way theyll be sleeping before 2 AM, you know what they're like at this age!" or something to sound like you thought she was joking, because no one would think they'd get a full nights sleep for a long day next day....

It is 100 % her fault. Dont worry about it OP, just tell them to get dressed just before the mum comes and if they dont just be really casual about it with the mum, feign ignorance that she seriously thought you could get them both to have an early night, and get up early, just laugh along when she comes"I've told the girls to get dressed but they're still in their pyjamas eating breakfast!" and let her sort her DD out.

Itsnotover Sun 01-Aug-21 03:09:28

YANBU - 11 year old girls don't sleep at sleepovers lol. My 12 year old went to one the other day and she didn't fall asleep til 2/3am.

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