Over not sharing bedroom with dsd

(346 Posts)
Dustydolly Sat 31-Jul-21 23:27:11

Don't know of I'm being a complete over reacting drama queen here or if my dp is being twatty disney dad.

10 year old Dsd has come to stay for 2 weeks, she shares a room here with her step sibling, has a bed with space for her belongings etc. But she has insisted on sleeping in a blow up bed in my and dps bedroom.

This has been happening quite a lot over the past couple of months, she's woken up in the night saying she's had a nightmare or doesn't feel too well and wants to get in our bed, personally I'm not comfortable sharing a bed with dsd so on these occasions I'll swap beds with her however tonight she has come and said she's staying in our room for the whole 2 weeks. I tried to talk to dp about this and said no, she should be sleeping in her bed and I'm not happy to sleep in a bottom bunk for 2 weeks, Well guess where I am because dsd got her way and dp has just ignored my feelings on it, I suppose it annoys me even more because if my ds (not his child) tries climbing in our bed or there's any mention of him sleeping anywhere but in his bed, in his room, dp throws a hissy fit and says absolutely not, he's in his bed and that's that.
AIBU or is he?

OP’s posts: |
BurningRed Sat 31-Jul-21 23:30:56

What happens at her mums? Does she co sleep there?

I completely understand where you’re coming from OP.

Speak to him in the morning, this is unacceptable. There needs to be clear boundaries set for both of your DCs that are consistent.

Try and sleep x

AnneLovesGilbert Sat 31-Jul-21 23:31:34

Oh fuck that. No one gets to kick you out of your irk fucking bed! No way should this go on for a fucking fortnight.

And the double standards are pathetic and enraging. Why does he think he’s the boss of you and your DC and his DD is the boss of everyone?

You need to put your foot down hard. You’ll be sleeping in your own bed from tomorrow (probably too late for tonight but you were daft to agree to move) and he can work around that. It’s not negotiable.

BurningRed Sat 31-Jul-21 23:32:50

Also, who does she share with when she’s here? Your DS?

Aquamarine1029 Sat 31-Jul-21 23:33:54

Take the blinders off and accept what a shit relationship you're in. There is no fixing this level of imbalance. End this farce now and move on.

AmberIsACertainty Sat 31-Jul-21 23:34:22

LTB. I'm serious.

OnTheBoardwalk Sat 31-Jul-21 23:34:25

Is her step sibling she shares a room with male or female?

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SpindleWhorl Sat 31-Jul-21 23:36:31

Back up. How old is everyone, how often does she stay, and is she supposed to shared with your son?

AnneLovesGilbert Sat 31-Jul-21 23:37:06

OP has a son. She says so.

Doesn’t excuse her being kicked out of her own bed.

A ten year old on a blow up in the parents bedroom is one thing (that a lot of people would fairly object to anyway) but being forced to give up your side of the bed is outrageous.

SpindleWhorl Sat 31-Jul-21 23:38:13

Oh and your partner sounds like a knob btw, but maybe he doesn't like the sharing arrangements for a reason?

Didiusfalco Sat 31-Jul-21 23:38:56

This wouldn’t be so bad if he was chilled about your ds sharing your bed, but the fact he’s not shows you how little regard he’s got for you. I don’t like the sound of him, not one bit.

radiosummer Sat 31-Jul-21 23:40:12

Maybe she feels uncomfortable sharing a bedroom with a boy. Or she just wants to be near her dad. Kids should always be put first before partners, I would have thought that was obvious, so just swap rooms for the two weeks.

MyDcAreMarvel Sat 31-Jul-21 23:41:27

She is 10 she shouldn’t have to share with a boy she is not related too.

LifesNotEnidBlyton Sat 31-Jul-21 23:42:09

At 10 YO this has gone past the age where clinging to her dad because hes split from her mum can just be ignored. Shes getting too old. She obviously can have that feeling of wanting to be with her dad because if the split but at ten it needs handling another way. A ten year old doesn't need to be sharing a bed with a parent and a step parent.

It is a problem she has to share with a step sibling though. A 10 YO girl shouldn't be sharing with a step brother. She needs her own space. Can you and DP sleep in the lounge and she has your bedroom?

Eleoura Sat 31-Jul-21 23:42:14

How old is she?

Bonheurdupasse Sat 31-Jul-21 23:42:51

LTB.
Seriously

KatherineOfGaunt Sat 31-Jul-21 23:42:57

Tell him that you and your DS will be in your room tonight and he and his DD can have the bunk beds? If he says no to that, ask him why is it okay for it to happen the other way round.

nimbuscloud Sat 31-Jul-21 23:43:17

How long have you and your dp been together ?
Why are you letting your dp dictate what your child can do sleep wise?

Onlinedilema Sat 31-Jul-21 23:44:22

He is being unreasonable because of how he treats your son.
How old is your son?

nimbuscloud Sat 31-Jul-21 23:44:38

Actually maybe both of you need to put your children first and live separately

AnneLovesGilbert Sat 31-Jul-21 23:45:40

MyDcAreMarvel

She is 10 she shouldn’t have to share with a boy she is not related too.

Then her father can fund a bigger house and a separate room for her. The answer is not to turf OP, who presumably also pays towards this property for her and her son, out of her bed.

ChunkySloth Sat 31-Jul-21 23:46:22

Dustydolly

Don't know of I'm being a complete over reacting drama queen here or if my dp is being twatty disney dad.

10 year old Dsd has come to stay for 2 weeks, she shares a room here with her step sibling, has a bed with space for her belongings etc. But she has insisted on sleeping in a blow up bed in my and dps bedroom.

This has been happening quite a lot over the past couple of months, she's woken up in the night saying she's had a nightmare or doesn't feel too well and wants to get in our bed, personally I'm not comfortable sharing a bed with dsd so on these occasions I'll swap beds with her however tonight she has come and said she's staying in our room for the whole 2 weeks. I tried to talk to dp about this and said no, she should be sleeping in her bed and I'm not happy to sleep in a bottom bunk for 2 weeks, Well guess where I am because dsd got her way and dp has just ignored my feelings on it, I suppose it annoys me even more because if my ds (not his child) tries climbing in our bed or there's any mention of him sleeping anywhere but in his bed, in his room, dp throws a hissy fit and says absolutely not, he's in his bed and that's that.
AIBU or is he?


I'd fucking leave him. What a cunt. And he, and stepchild, are taking you for a mug.

ChocolateCookies123 Sat 31-Jul-21 23:46:29

How old are the other children that she has to share with? How long have they known each other? How well do they get on?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing Sat 31-Jul-21 23:48:17

She shouldn’t have to share with a boy but neither should your DH have such horrendous double standards for the children.

Notaroadrunner Sat 31-Jul-21 23:48:25

How old is your son? If he's a similar age or older then the kids probably shouldn't be sharing a room. Can you move the bunk bed mattress to the living room for her? Dh could then sleep on the couch (or vice versa) if he wanted to be in the same room as her. There's no way in hell I'd be giving up my bed.

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