To want a witty comeback to uncle dickhead

[Boxesonwardrobes]

Going to a wedding next week and my Uncle Dickhead will make a dig about me being a SAHP. Think “why don’t you get a job and take the pressure off Mr Boxes?”, “when are you going to contribute to society again?”, “haven’t you had enough of a holiday yet?” type thing (all actual examples).

For context, my kids are 5 & 2, previous to being a SAHP I was in academia, and DH earns well so we’re not short of money. My eldest is disabled and has SEN, she’s the reason I’m a SAHP, and me being at home has really helped her. I am her carer, and do lots of voluntary stuff related to her disability. I realise how lucky I am to have been able to make this choice. Everyone in my family is happy with this situation right now.

I haven’t really responded in the past as my mum hates conflict. But he’s such a wanker, I can’t let him keep putting me down in this way.

Any ideas? I’m thinking…

• I’m more than happy embracing my mediocrity thanks
  
• The amount of work involved in raising a disabled child is more than you could possibly comprehend, so mind your own business
  
• Fuck off
  

Thanks in advance

[NiceGerbil]

Fuck off.

[Gumboots29]

Third one

[IamnotSethRogan]

"why are you such a cunt?" Would be my go to

[Lampadusa]

I like 2 and 3

[Tryalittlemagic]

Why don't you fuck off &.mind your own business?

[iklboo]

Fuck off Uncle Dickhead

[thistimelastweek]

Mind your own fucking business Uncle Dickwad x

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

“Are you trying to be funny or are you really this ignorant, Uncle Dickhead?”

[SquashMinusIsShit]

The amount of work involved in raising a disabled child is more than you could possibly comprehend, so fuck off

[AutistGoth]

I'd go with the second option. Then if he doesn't shut up, the third.

For what it's worth, I don't have DC myself, but due to autism, I have difficulty finding employment. I find interviews hellish. For a time, I was too anxious to even leave my apartment unless DH was with me. So whilst my circumstances aren't the exact same, I do understand where you are coming from and I have had similar comments.

[WomanStanleyWoman]

‘Go fuck yourself with the fat end of a pineapple’. What it lacks in wit, it makes up for in mental imagery.

[Freddiefox]

I just wouldn’t even bother. I’d just raise my eyebrows and move on. What ever you say he will say you’re too sensitive, it was just a joke. You won’t win.

[Pallisers]

Fuck off would be my choice.

Or when he says it, look at him coldly for a beat and then turn away and start talking to someone else. if he persists, continue to ignore him blatently as if he simply isn't there or you can't hear him. The cut direct as they used to say in the 19th century. Be as rude as you possibly can - he deserves it.

[TalkingOutYerArse]

@Tryalittlemagic

Why don't you fuck off &.mind your own business?

This

[NiceGerbil]

Channel Blackadder's retort towards the end of this clip!

[SmugglersHaunt]

Fuck off wankstain

[Freddiefox]

Or you could have a little bingo card all prepared and make a big show of ticking them off in front of him.

[newnortherner111]

Sad that the bride and groom felt obliged or decided to invite such an unpleasant man. I don't think it's worthy of a witty response.

[Cherryana]

I always like the childish repetition retort..

Him: Why don't you get a job and take the pressure off Mr Boxes?
Me: Why don't you get a job and take the pressure off Mr Boxes?

Or the mock innocence.
Him: Why don't you get a job and take the pressure of Mr Boxes?
Me: I'm not sure I understand what you mean? We are really happy with our family set up. It works really well at the moment. Maybe it will change in the future? I don't know. Thanks for your concern though - I really appreciate your interest.

[plodalong12]

@Tryalittlemagic

Why don't you fuck off &.mind your own business?

Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

[NiceGerbil]

Whenever he corners you just say sorry need to toilet/ oh look there's Dave/ wow I'm going to go and look at that chair and just walk off.

[LemonLymanDotCom]

“I can easily go out and get a job, but you’ll need a personality transplant before you’ll ever be able to make a positive ‘contribution to society’”
turn and walk away

[NewlyGranny]

Here is my selection:

Give it a bone, Uncle D.
Change the record.
Mind your own beeswax.
What's it to you?
Sorry, I didn't quite catch that, can you say it again?
...No, I'm having trouble hearing you. Try again.
...It's no use, I can't make out what you're saying. Can you write it down for me?

And, when face to face, you could try,

" Sorry, running out of battery/signal. I'm going through a tunnel."

[Beachtrip]

6500 languages in this world and you insist on speaking bullshit.

[iklboo]

Or

I'll go back to work when you stop being a complete twat. So no time soon. Fuck off, Uncle Dickhead.