To want a witty comeback to uncle dickhead

(260 Posts)
Boxesonwardrobes Fri 30-Jul-21 18:09:37

Going to a wedding next week and my Uncle Dickhead will make a dig about me being a SAHP. Think “why don’t you get a job and take the pressure off Mr Boxes?”, “when are you going to contribute to society again?”, “haven’t you had enough of a holiday yet?” type thing (all actual examples).

For context, my kids are 5 & 2, previous to being a SAHP I was in academia, and DH earns well so we’re not short of money. My eldest is disabled and has SEN, she’s the reason I’m a SAHP, and me being at home has really helped her. I am her carer, and do lots of voluntary stuff related to her disability. I realise how lucky I am to have been able to make this choice. Everyone in my family is happy with this situation right now.

I haven’t really responded in the past as my mum hates conflict. But he’s such a wanker, I can’t let him keep putting me down in this way.

Any ideas? I’m thinking…
- I’m more than happy embracing my mediocrity thanks
- The amount of work involved in raising a disabled child is more than you could possibly comprehend, so mind your own business
- Fuck off

Thanks in advance

OP’s posts: |
NiceGerbil Fri 30-Jul-21 18:12:25

Fuck off.

Gumboots29 Fri 30-Jul-21 18:13:41

Third one

IamnotSethRogan Fri 30-Jul-21 18:13:50

"why are you such a cunt?" Would be my go to

Lampadusa Fri 30-Jul-21 18:13:53

I like 2 and 3

Tryalittlemagic Fri 30-Jul-21 18:13:54

Why don't you fuck off &.mind your own business?

iklboo Fri 30-Jul-21 18:14:42

Fuck off Uncle Dickhead


thistimelastweek Fri 30-Jul-21 18:14:50

Mind your own fucking business Uncle Dickwad x

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Fri 30-Jul-21 18:14:58

“Are you trying to be funny or are you really this ignorant, Uncle Dickhead?”

SquashMinusIsShit Fri 30-Jul-21 18:14:58

The amount of work involved in raising a disabled child is more than you could possibly comprehend, so fuck off

AutistGoth Fri 30-Jul-21 18:15:20

I'd go with the second option. Then if he doesn't shut up, the third.

For what it's worth, I don't have DC myself, but due to autism, I have difficulty finding employment. I find interviews hellish. For a time, I was too anxious to even leave my apartment unless DH was with me. So whilst my circumstances aren't the exact same, I do understand where you are coming from and I have had similar comments. flowers

WomanStanleyWoman Fri 30-Jul-21 18:15:33

‘Go fuck yourself with the fat end of a pineapple’. What it lacks in wit, it makes up for in mental imagery.

Freddiefox Fri 30-Jul-21 18:15:51

I just wouldn’t even bother. I’d just raise my eyebrows and move on. What ever you say he will say you’re too sensitive, it was just a joke. You won’t win.

Pallisers Fri 30-Jul-21 18:15:55

Fuck off would be my choice.

Or when he says it, look at him coldly for a beat and then turn away and start talking to someone else. if he persists, continue to ignore him blatently as if he simply isn't there or you can't hear him. The cut direct as they used to say in the 19th century. Be as rude as you possibly can - he deserves it.

TalkingOutYerArse Fri 30-Jul-21 18:16:00


Why don't you fuck off &.mind your own business?


NiceGerbil Fri 30-Jul-21 18:16:00

Channel Blackadder's retort towards the end of this clip!

SmugglersHaunt Fri 30-Jul-21 18:16:35

Fuck off wankstain

Freddiefox Fri 30-Jul-21 18:16:38

Or you could have a little bingo card all prepared and make a big show of ticking them off in front of him.

newnortherner111 Fri 30-Jul-21 18:17:13

Sad that the bride and groom felt obliged or decided to invite such an unpleasant man. I don't think it's worthy of a witty response.

Cherryana Fri 30-Jul-21 18:17:26

I always like the childish repetition retort..

Him: Why don't you get a job and take the pressure off Mr Boxes?
Me: Why don't you get a job and take the pressure off Mr Boxes?

Or the mock innocence.
Him: Why don't you get a job and take the pressure of Mr Boxes?
Me: I'm not sure I understand what you mean? We are really happy with our family set up. It works really well at the moment. Maybe it will change in the future? I don't know. Thanks for your concern though - I really appreciate your interest.

plodalong12 Fri 30-Jul-21 18:17:49


Why don't you fuck off &.mind your own business?

Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

NiceGerbil Fri 30-Jul-21 18:18:01

Whenever he corners you just say sorry need to toilet/ oh look there's Dave/ wow I'm going to go and look at that chair and just walk off.

LemonLymanDotCom Fri 30-Jul-21 18:18:11

“I can easily go out and get a job, but you’ll need a personality transplant before you’ll ever be able to make a positive ‘contribution to society’”
turn and walk away

NewlyGranny Fri 30-Jul-21 18:18:20

Here is my selection:

Give it a bone, Uncle D.
Change the record.
Mind your own beeswax.
What's it to you?
Sorry, I didn't quite catch that, can you say it again?
...No, I'm having trouble hearing you. Try again.
...It's no use, I can't make out what you're saying. Can you write it down for me?

And, when face to face, you could try,

" Sorry, running out of battery/signal. I'm going through a tunnel."

Beachtrip Fri 30-Jul-21 18:18:21

6500 languages in this world and you insist on speaking bullshit.

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