Offended about being referred to as a guest

(104 Posts)
Ivenamechange Fri 30-Jul-21 14:20:24

I don't know if I am or if my mother is?
Basically what the title says.
I referred to mother as a guest in my home today. She was highly offended and said that as my mother she should not be referred to that way and that a friend is a guest etc.
I didn't mean any harm by it I only meant that if you are somebody else other than the people who live in the house I'd class them as a guest. The more I tried to explain this to her, the more offended she got.

Prehaps I was wrong?

Sorry if this isn't worded well, I'm a little upset and can't ask anybody IRL as it will get back to her and I don't want to cause more of an arguement.

OP’s posts: |
Dyrne Fri 30-Jul-21 14:27:26

Start referring to her as “this batshit person in my house”. Or tell her that since she’s not a guest, her share of the rent/mortgage is due on the 1st of the month.

What a weird thing to be offended by.

pilates Fri 30-Jul-21 14:29:44

Is your mum always so quick to offend? It’s nothing to get upset about.

plodalong12 Fri 30-Jul-21 14:32:45

It’s a ridiculous reason to be upset over, however, I also think it’s a bit odd to refer to a family member as a guest.

Noshowwithoutpunch Fri 30-Jul-21 14:34:16

She IS a guest unless it's her home.

lottiegarbanzo Fri 30-Jul-21 14:38:06

Either she lives there or she's a guest, IMO.

But I'm from one of those frosty, formal families that make arrangements to see each other, rather than just turning up on the doorstep when passing, or striding straight into the house.

If your family is the latter type, then I expect she'd want to be referred to as 'Mum / my Mum' always and would find being categorised as a guest very unwelcoming.

TeenMinusTests Fri 30-Jul-21 14:39:03

I had a boyfriend at uni who lived up the other end of the country.
When I went to stay they used serving dishes etc because I was a guest, which I then helped wash up because I was 'one of the family'...

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notanothertakeaway Fri 30-Jul-21 14:39:56

If you're in someone else's house and don't live there, then you're a guest

Your mum was rude to pick a fight over this

plodalong12 Fri 30-Jul-21 14:39:59

I just find it odd because I imagine OP’s mother was being mentioned to someone else by OP and referred to as a guest - “I have a guest here” rather than “my mother’s here”. It just seems a bit impersonal to refer to family that way IMO. But nothing to fall out over.

BombyliusMajor Fri 30-Jul-21 14:41:48

@Dyrne has it.
Your mother is being massively (deliberately?) oversensitive here. I'm willing to guess she has form for this and often picks fights that have you apologising and feeling guilty. I'm so sorry she's upset you, it sounds horrible.

Giotto479 Fri 30-Jul-21 14:41:57

Well strictly she is a guest, but it does sound pretty dismissive. She’s close family, and close family isn’t ever a ‘guest’.

Elkey Fri 30-Jul-21 14:41:59

Technically she's a guest, but I wouldn't refer to my family as guests. It seems a little formal. They're just family and they treat my home as their home. That said, it's a silly thing for your mum to get upset about. No big deal.

shouldistop Fri 30-Jul-21 14:42:53

What was the context of you calling her a guest?

StoneofDestiny Fri 30-Jul-21 14:43:02

Guests/visitors both fine

shouldistop Fri 30-Jul-21 14:43:24

Technically you're right but I don't think I'd ever refer to immediate family as guests, seems odd.

LovePoppy Fri 30-Jul-21 14:43:41

Unless you live in my house, you are a guest and company

CorpusCallosum Fri 30-Jul-21 14:47:21

My mum got upset over the exact same thing!! I can't remember the context now but it was completely innocent. To me a guest just means you are here but don't live here - it was weird hmm

Fromage Fri 30-Jul-21 14:47:33

Well, how would she describe herself, if she's not a resident or a guest?

ahoyshipmates Fri 30-Jul-21 14:50:32

How tiresome. Is she normally so easily offended for no reason?

Timelessnonsense Fri 30-Jul-21 14:53:10

I would be a bit offended by this tbh. Sorry if I am classing myself as a high maintenance person.

I’m your mum, I am not a guest! You came out of me. If we have a functional, loving enough relationship, being told I am a guest when you are actually my world, would feel a bit alienating.

Biancadelrioisback Fri 30-Jul-21 14:55:10

Tbf, I think I class my mam and my closest friends as something more than a guest, but not quite a resident. People who I fully trust to be in my house alone, people who can help themselves to food and drinks etc. To me 'guests' are hosted and my hospitality background comes out to play: topping up drinks, waiting on them (to some extent) etc.

But no one would be offended if I called them a guest...

Anordinarymum Fri 30-Jul-21 14:59:07

She's your mother not a guest. I would be annoyed as well if my daughter said that. It removes something from a close and special relationship by referring to a loved one as a guest. What nonsense.

DysmalRadius Fri 30-Jul-21 14:59:36

It depends on the context I think:

'I didn't know you had a teapot'
'We thought a pot would be nice when we have guests'

vs

'I'm just going upstairs to the loo'
'The downstairs loo is for guests'

Was it general conversation or did you specifically call her a guest?

SmileyClare Fri 30-Jul-21 15:03:39

It depends on context.

"Mum let me make the tea, you're my guest" while smiling pleasantly = a nice thing to say

"Ahh no you can't come round today friend, I have a guest here." while eye rolling = a bit off

"Sorry I can't talk about my BT Bill now I have a guest" while on phone = fine.

Bluesheep8 Fri 30-Jul-21 15:03:48

When I went to stay they used serving dishes etc because I was a guest, which I then helped wash up because I was 'one of the family'...

🤣 this is brilliant

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