Is this holiday going to be a bit shit or am I just being fussy?

[AngeloMysterioso]

DH, DS and I are due to go away for 4 nights at the beginning of September. It’ll be our first trip anywhere since having DS who will be 22 months old. DH, being master of coin in the family, went ahead and booked the accommodation without really seeking any input from me (I did at the time suggest an Airbnb would be the most practical thing, advice he apparently did not heed), and only told me after he’d booked it- he said it was a hotel over the road from the beach, the room is on the first floor and there’s no lift which will be a bit of a pain but not the end of the world (his words, not mine).

I’ve just looked it up this evening. DH booked the biggest room we could afford, thinking it would mean more space- what it actually means is more beds, a double, a single and a foldaway- DS sleeps in a travel cot which we’re going to have to fit in somewhere. I will be 27 weeks pregnant so sleeping in a double bed (particularly when we’re used to being in a king size) is going to be a bit cramped! He also neglected to consider the fact that DS goes to sleep in a dark room with his white noise playing at around 7:30 pm- this room has no living space or a sofa or anything, so every evening once DS is asleep is going to be spent sitting on a bed in the dark a few feet away, trying not to wake him up. Not exactly relaxing.

When I pointed all this out to DH he got all huffy and defensive, saying I should have pointed this out when he was booking it (I mean why the hell should I have to? He’s as much a parent and an adult as I am!). I had a look for alternative options but it’s only 5 weeks away now so everywhere is either booked up or way too expensive- I found an Airbnb which looked reasonable and appeared to only cost slightly more per night, but when I went to reserve it the cleaning and service fees came to more than £100, so in total it would be a 40% increase which is just too much.

DH is all pissed off now and saying I should just book the Airbnb anyway despite the extra cost because I’m only going to be moaning all the time otherwise, which I feel is a bit unfair- I’m only pointing out stuff he should have thought of in the first place. AIBU?

[LawnFever]

Yanbu, if you can afford it and can get a full refund book the Airb&b

[Hopeisnotastrategy]

Define "master of coin".

Is he always such a pain?

[NuffSaidSam]

If you can afford it I'd book the air bnb.

DH should have done better, but it's his first time booking a holiday as a parent, we've all fucked up doing parenting stuff for the first time.

Book the air bnb, put the extra money down as idiot tax and have a nice break.

[MarthaJonesPhone]

On the plus side, you get a double bed and DH gets the single.

[AngeloMysterioso]

@Hopeisnotastrategy

Define "master of coin".

Is he always such a pain?

He’s the breadwinner, I’m a SAHM/student. And no, he’s generally pretty decent as husbands go, especially compared with some of the horrors I read about on MN- does his fair share of housework and parenting etc etc.

[NiceGerbil]

Can he cancel it.

IMO if affordable a separate room for kids esp little ones in vital.

Learnt this when DD was one. Cot in room. Bedtime. Erm. How the fuck do we put her to bed?!

[Freddiefox]

I remember eating fish and chips in the bathroom in a hotel room once because it had taken me hours to get ds to sleep in his travel cot. That was the last time I stayed in a standard hotel room.

[NiceGerbil]

With us,

We thought how the hell do we get her to bed?

Options.
We go to bed at 7 as well. On a weekend break.
She stays up till we go to bed. Bad idea for a number of reasons.

In the end we turned most of the lights off, put her down. And then hid on the other side of the bed and tried to quietly read.

Sadly she wasn't fooled.

Whether we peeked up to see if she was sleeping. She was standing in her cot and thought it was hilarious. Like really slow burn peekaboo.

Show him the thread OP.

It's an easy thing to not consider. If you can change where you're staying then do that.

It didn't cross our minds till we got there!

[IonaLeg]

I would cancel and just pay the extra. You’ll have a miserable time having to silently hide in the room from 7pm every night so you don’t wake the baby.

[5475878237NC]

Well he's angry at you as he is really annoyed at himself for this error of judgement. Book the airbnb. A living area is essential given your child's sleep needs.

[WilsonandNoodles]

First lesson, you do the booking form now on. Your husband sounds like mine and he'll never learn, even if he gets an apartment next time it will have marble floors and stairs with no baby gate!
The room is doable and if there is no alternative then think positively and don't let it put a dampner on your first family holiday. Let the hotel know not to put up the extra bed. Your husband can use the single. Push bedtime as late as you think you can, you get a bath/ shower while DH puts little to bed. Go to bed early and get up early. You can always add an extra nap/ extra long nap into the morning routine.
Even in an apartment the excitement of sleeping elsewhere often means kids are hard to settle so you won't get a relaxing evening. We've just done a few nights away with 3 under 5 in the same room as us and still enjoyed the holiday.

[MoonlightWanderer]

I think it’s a lesson learnt that you need to book these things together in the future. I agree that the Air B’nB would be a better choice even though it’s more expensive. Don’t be mad at each other though. Holidays with kids are always a learning experience.

[MoveHouse]

Maybe I was extra lucky but all our children -5 - would and could fall asleep anywhere

Same. But I think parents naturally worry about changing sleep routines between 1 and 2 years because they’ve spent the best part of the baby’s life trying to get them to sleep!

OP on holiday you make allowances. Small afternoon naps, lots of outdoor activities and snacks means you could do a dinner out, buggy in pj’s etc. Or as poster above says, get them in bed and take a bath / watch a movie with headphones on a tablet.

If you’d messed-up, how you want DH to handle? It’s a good place to start as your post is full of blame and frustration (which I get) but he’ll be feeling remorse, embarrassment and guilt for cocking up.

Work together on the solution don’t focus on the problem he’s caused.

[FortunesFave]

To be honest I think it's weird that you let him book it without looking yourself at what he was booking!

I'd say the same if you'd booked it and not shown him.

As a couple, you both get a say in accommodation. When DH and I book, we both look at our leisure and call one another over to see the various properties.

Surely this is what people do in general?

[MiddleParking]

Yeah I think he’s out of order booking holiday accommodation without showing you. If he’s saying just book the Airbnb despite the extra cost then do that - him being master of coin and all.

[welshladywhois40]

Rebook. At 22 months they know you are there and awake and will be bouncing round the room. When we do travel lodges with my toddler to break up the journey we know he will be bouncing round the travel cot all evening and still want to be up at 5am - if you manage to get him to sleep in the cot and not with you.

If you can stretch to the air bnb do it. We do it for holidays and weekends away have nice relaxing evenings. Toddler in bed, time with partner.

[Igmum]

Rebook. I spent many a happy hour with the choice of either reading a book sitting in the en suite, having another bath or going to bed at 7:30 when DD was that age. Lesson learned

[IamMaz]

I think it's unfortunate that you have conditioned your DS to expect certain conditions for him to be able to sleep. It creates such a problem later on...

[FiddlefigOnTheRoof]

It’s really not that bad - you read a book in the bathroom or have a long bath, then read in bed quietly in the evening with side lights. Many of us have to do it at some point for costs or availability reasons etc.

I’m surprised that you guys didn’t talk about the general type of accommodation before booking though! The bigger issue is your anger and blaming each other. Dh made a mistake but he’s a first time father and you didn’t give him any hints either. We made a very similar mistake but shrugged it off and just booked self catering from then on when we could!

[HungryHippo11]

YAbu unreasonable to have not trained your son to be flexible about how when and where he goes to sleep
Really? Is this something you can "train" a child to do? Pretty much all babies i know sleep best with a bedtime routine of some sort and many require sleep aids such as white noise.
Also bearing in mind the pandemic, which probably means the OP hasn't had much opportunity to get her son to sleep in different places.

OP I would definitely cancel and find something else. Hotels aren't suitable for Babies

[AnUnlikelyCombination]

@IamMaz

I think it's unfortunate that you have conditioned your DS to expect certain conditions for him to be able to sleep. It creates such a problem later on...

Some babies just come out like that. I still can’t go into dd1’s room without waking her, and she’s 12. She has never slept in a car, even when truly exhausted. Some babies sleep very lightly, are very sensitive to noise and light, and have a very strong startle reflex, and it’s not something you can train out of them. If you’re lucky enough to have DC who sleep anywhere, then that’s partly luck as well as your teaching - it’s not something you can train every baby to do.

For the OP, perhaps you can do a deal with DH where you take turns settling the baby in the room. He could have the first night, while you go to a cafe with a book.

[sanityisamyth]

@FortunesFave

To be honest I think it's weird that you let him book it without looking yourself at what he was booking!

I'd say the same if you'd booked it and not shown him.

As a couple, you both get a say in accommodation. When DH and I book, we both look at our leisure and call one another over to see the various properties.

Surely this is what people do in general?

My now ExH did this to me twice. He wanted to go on long road trips - first around Scotland and second around Northern Ireland. Both times he planned the route and booked the hotels etc but refused to tell me where we were going "as it was a surprise". Trouble is, he didn't drive. He was expecting me to do all of the driving. We lived in Somerset so it was a serious amount of miles involved. Neither were a holiday for me. He had a bloody chauffeur driven experience. I was falling asleep on the way home both times. He had no concept of how exhausting it was for me.

The best bit was booking the ferry on the second road trip. Most people, who wanted to do a road trip of Northern Ireland, as he wanted to see the Giant's causeway, would get the ferry from Liverpool to Belfast. Nope. Not my bloody H. He books it from Holyhead to Dublin, and then expects me to drive all the way across north Wales and all the way up through Ireland (and then back again on the way home). Arsehole!

[worrybutterfly]

@Blackhawkdown2020

YAbu unreasonable to have not trained your son to be flexible about how when and where he goes to sleep. *
*
These under twos are children that have spent the majority of their life in some sort of Covid restrictions. No weddings, parties, lack of holidays, and family gatherings means there hasn't exactly been ample opportunities to 'train' a 20 month old to sleep out and about.

[Mindymomo]

To be fair, like you say, booking anything this year is a nightmare, trying to get what you want at a cost. Cancel the hotel and book the other. I wouldn’t have taken my children to a hotel if they need quiet to stay asleep, people in corridors, doors banging, noise from rooms next door. We’ve all made mistakes booking things. I booked the congestion charge for the wrong day, got a fine for £80, couldn’t keep it quiet as the fine was sent to DH. We’ve changed holiday/hotel bookings a lot after, due to different things. Children change as they grow and need different things at a holiday home/hotel.