To be pissed off with dd but to accept that we can't force her to do it?

(482 Posts)
Omronron Thu 29-Jul-21 18:01:35

I have three dcs. 22, 18 and 15.

I'll start by saying that Dh and I have had a really tough couple of years. We run our own business and times are very tough, not sure if we'll even have a business this time next year. We live very rurally (this is relevant!). No public transport, taxi service miles away.

Anyway, we've not had holidays for the last few years. Dh has booked a weekend away for just me and him. We told dd22 we were going to do this. She is living with us before she goes back to uni mid September. She also has a car that we pay for. Ds18 is waiting for his test to come through but can't drive.

We asked dd22 to be around that weekend as she has the car,just in case there's an emergency, I am sure they'll have to go to a shop at some point.

She agreed - but was very reluctant. I more or less begged her to do it.

Anyway she's come home today and said she has a party 3 hours drive away on the Saturday that we go away, so won't be around from Saturday lunchtime until Sunday afternoon. This means ds and dd will be in the house on their own (fair enough they are 18 and 15) but they won't have a car in case of emergency or to get to the shops. I know they will probably cope, but it would have meant I could really enjoy myself and relax knowing dd1 was here with her car.

AIBU to expect dd22 to stay at home that weekend?

Yes - you are being unreasonable and the other 2 will just have to cope without anyone here with a car

No - She's being selfish and unhelpful

OP’s posts: |
TheGumption Thu 29-Jul-21 18:04:05

Yabu. Make sure there's a food shop in just before you. If there's a random medical emergency they'll have to phone an ambulance. It's really not a big deal.

Omronron Thu 29-Jul-21 18:04:58

TheGumption

Yabu. Make sure there's a food shop in just before you. If there's a random medical emergency they'll have to phone an ambulance. It's really not a big deal.

Tbh this is what I've said to the dcs. Dh is bloody livid though!

OP’s posts: |
Dodie66 Thu 29-Jul-21 18:05:30

Can’t you make sure they have enough food supplies for the weekend so that they don’t need to go to the shops?
What emergency could there be that they would need a car?

Myneighboursnorlax Thu 29-Jul-21 18:05:39

I think you’re really overthinking this. Lots of people manage without a car for longer than one weekend. Just do a big shop before you go and leave them money for a taxi in case there’s an unexpected emergency which means a car is needed smile

CupoTeap Thu 29-Jul-21 18:06:21

I would be unhappy that she agreed and now is sacking it off for a party. I just think if you agree to do something you should do it.

Omronron Thu 29-Jul-21 18:06:29

Dodie66

Can’t you make sure they have enough food supplies for the weekend so that they don’t need to go to the shops?
What emergency could there be that they would need a car?

No idea. I suppose it just makes dh and I feel better knowing there's someone who can drive in the house. Also she said she'd do it!

OP’s posts: |

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Starjammer Thu 29-Jul-21 18:06:35

I can't think of any emergency they could have really where having access to a car would help. Presumably they will have food in the house and if there's a medical emergency they will call an ambulance. I'm sure they can survive at home for 24 hours!

GravityFalls Thu 29-Jul-21 18:07:29

You can’t really expect her to plan her life around you and her brothers. I would imagine if you live rurally, surely the 18yo has friends with cars in an emergency and they will both have friends with parents they could contact if need be. Country kids usually do find ways of getting around and are usually prepared to walk/cycle long distances if they have to!

Omronron Thu 29-Jul-21 18:07:43

Starjammer

I can't think of any emergency they could have really where having access to a car would help. Presumably they will have food in the house and if there's a medical emergency they will call an ambulance. I'm sure they can survive at home for 24 hours!

Yes and also she'll be a moody git if she has to miss her party and be horrible to the others anyway. I'll try and talk dh round.

OP’s posts: |
frazzledasarock Thu 29-Jul-21 18:07:56

I don’t think you are unreasonable it’s one weekend and you pay for the car.

I’d tell her if that’s her choice she’s paying for the car from this point.

And I’d do it.

I’ve left my older teens in charge of the house whilst I’ve been away and even if my eldest had a better offer she’d not walk out on her younger siblings.

GenderAKAStereotypes Thu 29-Jul-21 18:08:20

Do you mean they are 5 and 8? As your post would make more sense then!

As a parent to similar ages DC I think you are being incredibly unreasonable. DD shouldn't be responsible for her siblings and an 18 and 15 year old shouldn't need anyone to be responsible for them!

Omronron Thu 29-Jul-21 18:08:25

You can’t really expect her to plan her life around you and her brothers

We don't. It was one weekend!

OP’s posts: |
WallaceinAnderland Thu 29-Jul-21 18:08:44

It's 2 days, they will be fine.

Dumbledoresgirl Thu 29-Jul-21 18:08:45

TheGumption

Yabu. Make sure there's a food shop in just before you. If there's a random medical emergency they'll have to phone an ambulance. It's really not a big deal.

I agree with this. You shouldn't expect your dd to put her social life on hold just on the off chance someone wants a pizza on Saturday night. I mean, you can ask, and some cooperation would be nice, but you can't expect it. If she is going to a party, presumably she had no say in when this was taking place.

Bagelsandbrie Thu 29-Jul-21 18:08:52

Massively overthinking. Many, many adults don’t drive. They’ll survive!!

GenderAKAStereotypes Thu 29-Jul-21 18:08:57

It's 24 hours!!

Mpsister Thu 29-Jul-21 18:08:58

I think you're being unreasonable to expect her to care for her siblings. It's be nice if she did, bit ultimately, it's not her responsibility

drpet49 Thu 29-Jul-21 18:08:59

* I would be unhappy that she agreed and now is sacking it off for a party. I just think if you agree to do something you should do it.*

^I agree.

Intherightplace Thu 29-Jul-21 18:09:01

Personally I much prefer not having all my DC in one car driven by a youngster. I hate it when 20 Ds1 is driving his brother anywhere.

I can't really think of an emergency that wouldn't be a problem if only DD was there with the car, although it is annoying if you'd asked her to do it and she won't. It's only a weekend and I'm sure you'll leave plenty of food.

AnyOldLion Thu 29-Jul-21 18:09:15

I think they'll be fine as long as they've got plenty of food in.

Sure if there was an emergency they'd phone 999 even if DD was there?

Omronron Thu 29-Jul-21 18:09:18

GenderAKAStereotypes

Do you mean they are 5 and 8? As your post would make more sense then!

As a parent to similar ages DC I think you are being incredibly unreasonable. DD shouldn't be responsible for her siblings and an 18 and 15 year old shouldn't need anyone to be responsible for them!

I agree if you live somewhere where they can walk to shops etc. It's a bit different living on the middle of a moor!

OP’s posts: |
Babyroobs Thu 29-Jul-21 18:09:46

YABU. Many people live rurally and don't have access to a car at all. In the very rare case of a real emergency they would need to call a taxi or ambulance.

SGBK4862 Thu 29-Jul-21 18:09:46

Well if you had said you dudnt feel ok about leaving the other 2 on their own, I'd say YANBU. But as you only want the eldest there in case if an emergency, that does seem U. Surely you can make sure there is enough food in the house and leave some money for a cab just in case. In the event of an accident or other emergency, they can phone 999 (or seek help from a neighbour?).

Mine were I think 13 and 17 when youngest set our microwave on fire while we were out shopping! Eldest phoned 999 and enlisted the help of a nearby builder. (Only harm done was to the microwave)

MrsN100 Thu 29-Jul-21 18:09:58

Yanbu she is just utterly selfish. You asked her in advance didn't ask for much really. She is just absolutely selfish and I would be telling her so.

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