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AIBU?

Keeping up with the Joneses friends

93 replies

Lanareyrey · 29/07/2021 08:00

I’m getting to the point where I’m starting to question some good friends behaviour towards myself and my husband.

Everything seems to be a competition lately. We have a nice house but we have worked incredibly hard and saved to afford it. We don’t have credit cards or debt. We live comfortably but don’t have huge amounts of money leftover at the end of the month and half we try to save. On appearance maybe people can judge and “assume” we have lots of money but this couldn’t be further from the truth.

The husband of the couple in mind, gets incredibly weird whenever we do something to our house or buy something (minor things) and will actually ask us the purchase price and looks visibly agitated?!

They seem to have had a lot of handouts from parents (which we haven’t) and will just spend so much money and then brag about it. It’s constant and unrelenting and whoever they get more money they like to tell us all about it and then encourage us to spend money too? We usually don’t react too much but it’s really starting to get me down.

Does anyone else think this is weird? Do I need new friends?! Bizarre.

OP posts:

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Alonelonelyloner · 29/07/2021 08:05

Get yourself some new friends. They clearly have esteem issues.
It sounds to me like you both have very sensible approach to living and this will reap massive rewards in the future. Just smile and walk on.

Otherwise just start overstating the costs of things you buy/brag about 3 week safaris in Namibia (which you will never actually do) etc etc and ignore them as they get more and more agitated.

And during all that get new friends.

girlmom21 · 29/07/2021 08:06

Some people are strangely competitive about having nice things and I'd distance myself from them as much as possible.

They're not really friends if they'd rather compete than be glad for you.

imamule · 29/07/2021 08:07

They seem like they have issue with you but likewise you seem to have an issue too eg you've worked out, they get hand outs etc.

Bryonyshcmyony · 29/07/2021 08:10

You both sound as if you know far too much about each others financial dealings. I wouldn't know if my friends robbed a bank to get their money or inherited it or got handouts or had a credit card!

Pottedpalm · 29/07/2021 08:14

@Bryonyshcmyony

You both sound as if you know far too much about each others financial dealings. I wouldn't know if my friends robbed a bank to get their money or inherited it or got handouts or had a credit card!

This.
Friendship shouldn’t be based on money and possessions.

Briarshollow · 29/07/2021 08:20

@Bryonyshcmyony

You both sound as if you know far too much about each others financial dealings. I wouldn't know if my friends robbed a bank to get their money or inherited it or got handouts or had a credit card!

Yes. I’d agree with that. I have no idea about my friends’ situations, nor do I care. There is the merest soupçon of humble bragging to this thread, too.

Bravo OP, you’ve obviously worked much harder and been much more sensible than other people in your situation etc etc.

billy1966 · 29/07/2021 08:23

@Bryonyshcmyony

You both sound as if you know far too much about each others financial dealings. I wouldn't know if my friends robbed a bank to get their money or inherited it or got handouts or had a credit card!

This.

It sounds both juvenile and vulgar.

Why on earth would you want to be with such stressful, dissatisfied people?

Bryonyshcmyony · 29/07/2021 08:24

There is the merest soupçon of humble bragging to this thread, too

I'll say!

Bluntness100 · 29/07/2021 08:25

Sounds like you’re both at it to be honest.

Well done on doing it yourself though, good for you. Don’t you just hate it when someone gets parent hand outs. You’re defo far superior.

Falleybollolo · 29/07/2021 08:26

Good lord I'll bet they say the same about you op!!

FunMcCool · 29/07/2021 08:29

Get new friends this is weird.

Cocogreen · 29/07/2021 08:30

First of all, doesn't sound like you're good friends at all if you're all getting agitated about each other's finances.
Sounds judgy and competive on both sides and if you can't relax and enjoy each other's company without money getting in the way it's time to get new friends.

LauraFlashley · 29/07/2021 08:31

If it's affecting your relationship with them then it sounds like you need new friends.

I've just let a friend of 20 years go. I feel sad but since meeting her partner she has changed and I don't particularly like her very much. One of the reasons being that she has become very materialistic. It's tiring and I hate the constant comparing.

Merryoldgoat · 29/07/2021 08:33

You just need new friends. They sound like idiots.

Lanareyrey · 29/07/2021 08:35

Thanks for the responses, I am definitely not interested in other peoples finances. Bit of a weird thing to say, nor do I think I’m superior to anyone else.

OP posts:

Scottishskifun · 29/07/2021 08:35

Keeping up with the jones behaviour only leads to miserable people often in debt!

Just don't mention anything and let them brag if they want to with the response that's nice! Also try to put some distance between you both.

My friends husband is the same and feels the need to comment on our lives especially on our campervan or if we go on holiday.

Reality is we live very cheaply other than nursery fees and he spends a lot on bikes, guitars, latest car rental agreements etc we know because he loves to tell us how much he spent. My friend gets embarrassed by his behaviour around us we just ignore it.

Lanareyrey · 29/07/2021 08:36

@Scottishskifun phew glad it’s not just me then! So weird!!!

OP posts:

EssentialHummus · 29/07/2021 08:39

You either enjoy their company or you don't. If the latter, step away. If the former, don't go down the road of conversations about stuff, money etc.

Lanareyrey · 29/07/2021 08:40

@EssentialHummus that’s thing we never enter into convos about money ever. It’s always them bringing it up!

OP posts:

DemBonesDemBones · 29/07/2021 08:42

You say they are competitive but you seem so defensive about your money and home. Lots of people work incredibly hard (many harder than you!) and will never have the chance to own their own home. Please don't assume that if you work hard enough anything is possible. It's not true.

Lanareyrey · 29/07/2021 08:47

@LauraFlashley I’m sorry you lost a friend to this, it’s very sad

OP posts:

imamule · 29/07/2021 08:47

I am definitely not interested in other peoples finances.
Bit of a weird thing to say, nor do I think I’m superior to anyone else.

But you wrote this....

"They seem to have had a lot of handouts from parents (which we haven’t) and will just spend so much money and then brag about it."

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imamule · 29/07/2021 08:48

You are definitely judging them

Lanareyrey · 29/07/2021 08:49

@imamule I think you’re overanalysing what I said. I only know about handouts because of the bragging otherwise I couldn’t care less.

OP posts:

Maltybiscuit · 29/07/2021 08:50

You all sound like classic 'Elevenerife' types.
How dull.

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