Would you consider "rescuing" your partner?

SpidersAreShitheads · 2021-07-27 19:50:14

Before I start, I've NC because I'm absolutely 100% aware I'm a total wuss about this. This user name says it all. I'm utterly terrified of spiders. I can't even look at a photo of one. I tried to get close enough to put a cup over one once to chuck it outside. It was a disaster: a leg escaped, waved around outside the cup, I shrieked hysterically and threw the whole lot up in the air in a panic. This afternoon, an eight-legged beast was spotted high on the living room wall. I was at home alone with the DC. They are both autistic - this is relevant as they get very panicky and hysterical when distressed. None of us three like spiders. I try and stay as calm as I can in front of the DC, but they know I don't like them (I don't like the spiders, not my DC - they're lovely). On spotting the spider, and noticing that the little bastard was moving around in a very threatening manner, DS ran upstairs screaming and crying (literally). He gets really upset by bugs etc. We're working on it. DD wasn't happy either; she's a lot more inward but was also distressed. I tried to be calm but essentially spent the afternoon perched on the furthest part of the sofa, eying the monster up so it didn't disappear and spring out on me later. Or maybe creep upstairs and hide under my pillow. I know their dastardly eight-legged tricks. I couldn't focus on work (self employed). Yes, I am that much a scaredy cat. My DP works at his dad's house (because it's bigger). He messaged me, and I mentioned that it was stressful here as there was a big spider and it had upset the DC. I told him I couldn't reach it and it was too big for me to deal with anyway. (To be fair, anything above a money spider falls into that category). Just for context, I deal with any wasps or bees that get into the house. I don't mind worms, beetles etc. It's just spiders. Oh and their evil cousins, Daddy Long-Legs. Flying spiders. So, here's the bit that has caused the fuss. I did wonder if DP might pop home in his lunch break to dispatch the monster and rescue us all. All joking aside, he will be well aware of how upset DC were. Little things cause quite big issues. Life isn't always that easy, truth be told. His parents live probably about three miles away - it would probably take him 15 mins to drive here and back. He gets an hour for lunch - earlier in the week he popped to the supermarket for half an hour for a browse at DVDs so it's not as if he desperately needs the time to rest. He often gets bored on his lunch break and doesn't even bother to take it all. Honestly, I didn't EXPECT him to pop home and get rid of the spider. But it would have been lovely if he did. But I knew he wouldn't. What I AM supremely fucked off about is when he got home I mentioned to him in passing that his mum told me he had said that he wouldn't be coming home to get rid of it, and that it was probably really small anyway (it wasn't, it was a tarantula!! Sort of). He looked at me like I was insane and was really scornful - why the hell would he want to do that?! I pointed out that it just would have been a nice thing to do because the DC were really upset, he knows I'm shit with spiders and it would have saved us a really stressful afternoon. But I said it was fine, and I hadn't expected him to, it just would have been really lovely if he had. He was so disdainful. He said that there's absolutely no way in hell that he's driving home and back again just to get rid of a spider. No way. The look on his face, the scorn, really hurt my sensitive little feelings. Because the thing is, if the situations were reversed, I absolutely would. If I had time to spare and he was upset about something, and I could help, why wouldn't I? Especially if it was upsetting the DC too. If he had said "to be honest, I was knackered and didn't want to drive there and back" - I wouldn't have been pissed off. If he said "aaah sorry, didn't even think of doing that!" I wouldn't have been pissed off. I'm pretty easy going. I'm just hurt and upset that he thinks the notion of taking 15 minutes out of his day to help your DP and DC out with something that was really distressing them is ridiculous. Also, in my opinion, it doesn't matter if what I'm scared of is stupid or not. We're all scared of things that other people think is a bit daft. It's not about whether the phobia is rational or warranted, it's about not wanting your partner/kids to be worried/upset when you could sort things out in just a few minutes. Just for emphasis, it's only during his lunch break that I would ever think it's reasonable for him to consider it. I'm very aware that if Arogog sprung out during the afternoon it would be ludicrous to expect him to leave work and pop home then. This was ONLY because it occurred before lunch. I could say more but I'm aware this is really long already. I'm not cross at him not nipping home, but I am cross that he thinks the idea that he might even consider it is preposterous. Apparently taking time out to help your DP who's having a bit of a daft panic isn't something people do. YABU: I'm a spoilt princess who is disappearing up her own bumhole YANBU: It's not that weird to care whether your DP is upset and to consider helping them PS - he can absolutely piss off if he thinks I'm popping to the garage for him late at night again when he wants a Twix but is too knackered to go himself.

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AIBU?

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We've agreed to take this old thread down to protect the OP's privacy.

Many thanks to those who responded at the time.