Is my friend a bit sly? Aibu?

(285 Posts)
sallybreads Tue 27-Jul-21 14:12:05

Ok il start by saying I know this is so unimportant and I won't exactly loose sleep over it but it has made me question if maybe I'm too nice for my own good sometimes.

Last year I was doing okay for money and my friend was struggling so I would help her out a lot (that's what friends do and I wasn't expecting a thing back )

We both love autumn /winter and love Halloween and Christmas.
We both loved a autumn duvet cover but she couldn't afford it so I bought each of us one.
Then I did the same for the Xmas duvet set.
I didn't want the money back,it was just a gift.
I wouldn't of felt right buying myself one and not her ..not when I knew she loved it.

Anyway this year I'm struggling with cash having lost my job earlier this year and started a new job which pays a bit less.
Me and her both loved the new autumn duvet set and we both wanted it..I said I don't get paid till end of the month so fingers crossed it's still in stock.
It was selling out fast my friend ordered hers.
Then rang me to tell me and hoped I didn't mind.
The roles are now reversed and she's doing good with money.
Yet didn't think of getting mine for me and I would have paid her back at the end of the month.

It's not even really about a stupid quilt cover's the fact that she clearly has just thought of number 1.
I feel a bit like a mug.
Aibu ?

OP’s posts: |
MrsN100 Tue 27-Jul-21 14:15:10

Yabu. She has limits and you don't. She is saving her money but you didn't think to do that. Could have helped for a rainy day.

MySecretHistory Tue 27-Jul-21 14:17:02

Honestly- sounds like you both live a bit hand to mouth and buying seasonal duvet covers is bonkers.

If a friend needed cash for food or transport or pets I would give them but to buy someone a new duvet cover when they have one already less than a year old is bizarre.

daisyducky Tue 27-Jul-21 14:17:06

If money is tight would the duvet cover you got last year not do this year?

Crunchymum Tue 27-Jul-21 14:17:55

use last years autumn cover?

sallybreads Tue 27-Jul-21 14:17:58

Like I said it's not about a duvet cover.
It's about the fact she expected me to help her out ..yet can't show me the same courtesy back.

OP’s posts: |
MySecretHistory Tue 27-Jul-21 14:18:07

Go on money saving expert and look up budgeting on the forums or go on the oldstyle money saving forum

Your friend is being sensible.


MindyStClaire Tue 27-Jul-21 14:19:14

Did she expect you to buy it for her or did you offer?

It sounds like you probably didn't have the money to spare, and now she doesn't either and is trying to recover financially. I wouldn't blame her.

Googlewasmyidea1 Tue 27-Jul-21 14:19:49

Wow, neither of you have money to spare and you're wasting money on the new seasonal duvet cover!

MySecretHistory Tue 27-Jul-21 14:19:54


Like I said it's not about a duvet cover.
It's about the fact she expected me to help her out ..yet can't show me the same courtesy back.

It is about the money

She has probably realised that she doesn't want be without money again.

You need to think beyond living hand to mouth and new duvet covers. Most peoples duvet covers last years and years- it isn't an essential thing

Are you very young?

Rainbowshit Tue 27-Jul-21 14:19:59

Did she actually expect you to buy her the duvet?

Terminallysleepdeprived Tue 27-Jul-21 14:20:41

Yanbu to feel hurt, I would in the same situation but unless you know her full financial circumstances then I don't think she is necessarily being mean on purpose.

I have similar with a friend. Her and her dh were well off pre covid, not so much now. I got her a job where I was working and they are back to doing OK. I have always bought her nice gifts for birthday around the £25 I turned 40 last year and didn't even get a card, this year got a£1 bag if sweets that I can't eat as am allergic to the ingredients.

I am fully aware itnis the thought that should count and I am not bothered that all she got me was a £ bag, but there was zero thought put into it as had she thought she would know the were pointless (peanuts and recees peanut butter cups).

It is the lack of thought that hurts

BlueSurfer Tue 27-Jul-21 14:20:49


Like I said it's not about a duvet cover.
It's about the fact she expected me to help her out ..yet can't show me the same courtesy back.

It doesn’t sound like she did expect you to help her out though. You helped out because you felt guilty at buying something she liked and couldn’t afford.

BlueSurfer Tue 27-Jul-21 14:22:19

Unless her financial situation has changed, she is still likely to be struggling and probably doesn’t have surplus for non essential gifts to reciprocate something that was bought for her out of guilt.

sallybreads Tue 27-Jul-21 14:22:30

Over the years I've spent a good few thousand on her.
Treated her on holiday.
She would have thought it was sly if I hadn't of bought her one.
Like I said I'm not bothered about the duvet cover ..hence why I said il get one when I get paid next.
I have money in the bank to survive on and I could have easily put it on CC but didn't want too.
It's the fact that she is all for herself but I have been kind and jumped over hoops to help her out.

OP’s posts: |
FreeSpirits Tue 27-Jul-21 14:22:33


MotionActivatedDog Tue 27-Jul-21 14:24:32

I think both of you have no need to be buying seasonal duvet covers! Try saving.

Whinginadeville Tue 27-Jul-21 14:24:34

She didn't expect it you offered though and now you are expecting it and she hasn't offered. I'd remember in future that she's just not a generous person and stop treating her as you'd like to be treated. I'd do this for my sister but no way I, or my friends would buy stuff for each other you have to cut your cloth to suit your income. Birthday and Christmas presents yes, silly crafting/hobby bits yes. Household goods and soft furnishing? No.

Nicknacky Tue 27-Jul-21 14:26:19

I would help any pal out that was struggling, but I certainly wouldn’t be buying duvet covers that are unnecessary especially when my friend has no spare money to repay it.

sallybreads Tue 27-Jul-21 14:26:40

It's not just that,there's loads of things.
Remember last year during the first lockdown.
Hand gel was nearly like gold dust.
I bought two and gave her one.
She got two and kept them both for herself.

There's been loads of similar things.

OP’s posts: |
pickingdaisies Tue 27-Jul-21 14:26:42

Sorry OP you've been a mug. Stop spending your money on her, she's using you. And if she has the cheek to complain, just tell her you can't afford to treat her any more.

Noshowwithoutpunch Tue 27-Jul-21 14:26:49


TheYearOfSmallThings Tue 27-Jul-21 14:26:57

I can't really comment without seeing the Halloween duvet covers.

Bananapuppy Tue 27-Jul-21 14:27:04

YABU- but stop buying things for her in future?

FunMcCool Tue 27-Jul-21 14:27:07

Missing the point but why don’t you use last years set? You don’t need a mew set every year especially if money is tight.

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