To think my sister is being ridiculous with these comments?

(307 Posts)
hp45 Tue 27-Jul-21 13:28:15

My son is 24, he lives a few hours away with his friend, so we rarely see him especially with covid. He has mental health issues and last year he was very depressed and suicidal and his friend helped him through it.

A couple of months ago, I asked him if he wanted to come on holiday with us, he said yes but asked if his friend could come and I agreed.

We got here yesterday, and my sisters children would've had to share a room so DS and his friend got their own room, DS and his friend offered to share. Since then, my sister has been making ridiculous comments to DS, asking him why he wants to share with his friend, and asking why his friend can't go on holiday with his family.

She then said to me that, if she lived with her friend, she wouldn't want to bring them on a family holiday, I told her that it was up to DS. She then said that they're going to ruin the holiday, they're going to be doing their own thing as we will be with our younger children, so I don't see how they're going to ruin it.

Am I Bu in thinking she's being ridiculous? Or would you agree with her?

OP’s posts: |
Eleoura Tue 27-Jul-21 13:30:17

With her attitude, why did you invite your sister on your own familys holiday?

Googlewasmyidea1 Tue 27-Jul-21 13:30:24

Hmm, did you discuss with her before inviting them along? If not she may be a bit miffed that you have another 2 adults sharing the space.

I can totally understand why you have invited them both though and there's no need for her constant comments

TrueRefuge Tue 27-Jul-21 13:30:52

Sorry but she's being a right twat!

Older kids still appreciate going on holiday with the family, but also need a bit more young adult time; I think it was really generous of you to invite friend and I think your sister is being really judgemental and obnoxious. However, it's probably just because it's changed how she "imagined" the holiday going and feels like she can't relax as much or something?

But if she kept harping on about it I'd be having words.

Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow Tue 27-Jul-21 13:31:01

I think your sister needs to butt out.
Is your son's friend his partner? Is your sister being a nob about that?

Bootskates Tue 27-Jul-21 13:31:12

I'd be asking her what the hell her problem is then spending as much time away from her as I could manage

Chikapu Tue 27-Jul-21 13:32:10

She's being ridiculous. What does she think they're going to do to ruin the holiday? Does she think they're in a relationship and she doesn't approve?

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Greenmarmalade Tue 27-Jul-21 13:33:24

She’s being totally unreasonable.

If someone had helped my son through all that, I’d be treating him like family and very grateful to him.

plodalong12 Tue 27-Jul-21 13:34:29

Chikapu

She's being ridiculous. What does she think they're going to do to ruin the holiday? Does she think they're in a relationship and she doesn't approve?

I suspect this too.

VaggieMight Tue 27-Jul-21 13:34:45

What's wrong with them going off and doing their own thing. That's what older children generally do on holiday.

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor Tue 27-Jul-21 13:35:10

Your sister needs to suck it up. Does you sister think he is gay?

StrawBeretMoose Tue 27-Jul-21 13:36:28

I'd tell her that X has been a great friend to your DS and you wanted to extend the holiday invitation to them, if it also means that your DS and X can do their own thing at times and join you for meals or whatever then everyone actually gets a holiday that they enjoy.

She is being difficult, we sometimes brought a friend to family holidays.
Maybe she won't now sit around in her PJs or something but without X your DS might not have come, and it will do him and you good to see each other.

AlternativePerspective Tue 27-Jul-21 13:39:41

I’m guessing that your son and the other lad are partners and your sister appears to have an issue with that.

TiredButDancing Tue 27-Jul-21 13:42:43

My sister is nearly 50 and recently went on holiday with her friends and my parents. Your sister is being weird. And I think it's fine for the young men who already share a house to share a room if there are limited facilities and also totally normal. Most young people share with friends when they go away al the time because it's cheaper and easier.

KrisAkabusi Tue 27-Jul-21 13:44:56

We got here yesterday, and my sisters children would've had to share a room so DS and his friend got their own room, DS and his friend offered to share.

Surely this should have been sorted beforehand. Or did you not have a discussion about rooms with your sister before? Someone has already asked, how much notice did your sister get about having more people on the holiday?

Katedanielshasakitty Tue 27-Jul-21 13:46:26

Your sister is being weird and you need to tell her to pack it in.
Your adult son wanted to bring a friend on holiday. Which is fair enough when everyone else is either quite alot older or younger than him.

Even in normal circumstances, that would be fine.

I am guessing they are a couple or she thinks they are a couple and that makes her uncomfortable. So she is homophobic as well as our of order.

Princessfairydust Tue 27-Jul-21 13:46:32

Is there a possibility that your son's friend is actually his partner? If your sister is homophobic this may be why she is kicking up a fuss.

BlueSurfer Tue 27-Jul-21 13:48:19

Why aren’t you stepping in to defend your DS?

Snookie00 Tue 27-Jul-21 13:51:02

Whilst your sister is being a cow with her snidey comments, I would have been annoyed if you’d invited two additional guests on a joint holiday without discussing it first. Of course if you’ve paid for it all and your sister has tagged on to your holiday then it’s different but I can see how having two 20 somethings sharing a house with mums and young kids will change the dynamic.

nellly Tue 27-Jul-21 13:51:22

Is it a financial thing? Eg you split the cost 50/50 except you also invited along two more adults so her kids would have been stuck sharing?

Otherwise it seems odd for her to be so bothered when as you said a 24 year old and friend/partner would want plenty of time alone anyways

TheLightSideOfTheMoon Tue 27-Jul-21 13:53:42

Ask her when she’s planning to stop ruining the holiday so the boys can have their turn.

MarianneUnfaithful Tue 27-Jul-21 13:55:58

The comments about his role sharing etc are ridiculous.

But otherwise I think it depends on the set up. Did she arrange a holiday and then invite you and the younger ones?

Is it a hotel room your eldest has booked? I am a bit confused about the accommodation. Will they be making a small space feel crowded / not enough bathroom?

But all in all she is not being nice about her nephew, and if she has practical concerns she needs to be clear about them so they can be addressed.

LemonFantaGin Tue 27-Jul-21 13:59:47

Was she perhaps expecting him to babysit or something?

Very odd to even care so much, he's an adult, not a 5yo

Crunchymum Tue 27-Jul-21 14:03:28

So your sister's kids are better off (not having to share a room) as your DC offered to share with his friend?

Your sister is an idiot.

MindyStClaire Tue 27-Jul-21 14:03:40

Snookie00

Whilst your sister is being a cow with her snidey comments, I would have been annoyed if you’d invited two additional guests on a joint holiday without discussing it first. Of course if you’ve paid for it all and your sister has tagged on to your holiday then it’s different but I can see how having two 20 somethings sharing a house with mums and young kids will change the dynamic.

This.

It's either homophobia (whether or not they are partners) and she's BU.

Or you completely changed the dynamic of the holiday by inviting two 20 somethings without asking her, in which case you're BU.

How is the payment split? What about food and cooking?

If there's two extra adults on the holiday without her being consulted and they're not contributing to the costs or the catering then I can understand her being unhappy (although I can of course understand you wanting your DS to come).

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